EMPIRE OF THE ANTS / Mr. B.I.G. - 1977

Hello everbloody an' welcome to Friday Night Drive-In, here at The Dungeon! Get ready for Mr. BIG's weird tale of EMPIRE OF THE ANTS, a variation of FOOD OF THE GODS which stars Joan Collins and Robert Lansing. Joan was in TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS and was 'The Siren' on the BATMAN TV series. Robert was the 4-D MAN and was 'Gary 7' in the STAR TREK TV series.

The storyline for tonight's flick goes like this... "Sleazy scam artist Joan Collins tries to sell phony real estate deals down in the Florida everglades. What she and her unsuspecting buyers don't know is the area has been taken over by giant ants!"

This is the ant, better treat it with some respect!! That's r-e-s-p... e-c-t!

What?.. Man treat anything with respect? You're out of yer freakin' mind!!

The music is by Dana Kaproff, and I believe his very first appearance, here at The Dungeon! Mr. Kaproff gets most of his composing credits for TV, a few things he worked on are THE BIONIC WOMAN, THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, FALCON CREST, CAGNEY & LACEY and MATLOCK.

Awrat then, time to bring in our lil' Dungeon helper and furry 6-eyed freek, Ralphie The Tarantula, since the atomic clock on the wall sez it's time 2 B pushin' that big red 'GO' button over there, which starts our Eariffic Earclip for... EMPIRE OF THE ANTS!

Oopise! Now, how'd that happen?.. It was supposed to sink!

You gotta admit, it looks delicious!

Okay, now that everbloody's drunk on their ass, time to board the tram and go sell some real estate! Wheeeee... hic!

This is what a giant ant sees right before it gets you!!

It's scenes like this where Bert totally blows it! The boat and dock are not even on the same plane besides those fakey looking ants!

You'd think that an outhouse would be off limits for those critters, but noooooo!

Wait, where'd the hot chicks go?..

Exit... Stage left!!

YAH.. HOO.. HOO.. HOOEY!!!

Check out dude's helping hand!

Here's where all the fun takes place!

Hold on now, you're gonna hafta show me your tickets!

Oh man, that's a real gasser!..

Sometimes, Antie's in the mood for a threesome!

Yeah, that guy tried to crowd...

Joan finds out that sex with a giant ant ain't half bad!

Hey!.. What'd I just tell you about cutting in line?!!..

Huh, I wundur whut happins if'fin I do this here?

You can pee later!.. RUN!!!

There wuz nutin' left 'cept a big old pile-o toasted crispy critters!..

Ghoulnight Everbloody!!

UN KILLER PER SUA MAESTÀ - Gianni Marchetti - "The Killer Likes Candy" (1968)

Sometimes after a steady diet of monsters, giallo slashers, and ghostly comedies, it's time for a break, so that brings us to tonight's feature, as they say in France, "Le Tueur Aime Les Bonbons", a movie with the basic theme of Spy Vs. Assassin, or Assassin Vs. Spy, depending on how you want to look at it!

Skewed, Shrewd, and Screwed, there will be dues to pay!!

Bruno Cremer is Oscar Snell, the assassin in a mission on a mission, and a taste for sweets! Bruno had quite an illustrious career, and was Commissaire Jules Maigret in the French TV series "Maigret" from 1991 to 2005! Unfortunately, Bruno just passed away this last August!

WTF?! Is it possible that assassin is the only word in the English language with ass in it twice?

Most of Composer Gianni Marchetti's 35 credits are in Italian, but he also did the scores for "Kill Me Quick, I'm Cold," "The Last Desperate Hours," and "Ready For Anything!" His last film was the 1991 feature "Strepitosamente... flop!"

"The Killer Likes Candy" has it's sexy bits, 1968 Euro style!

Great shot of the star of the film, Kerwin Mathews as CIA Agent Mark Stone!

Veteran Werner Peters is the slimeball Guardino! Werner is a familiar face around here, having been in a bunch of Dr. Mabuse flicks, and other killer German films like "The Phantom of Soho," and "The White Spider" just to name a few!

The killer is smart enough to wear gloves, but dumb enough to litter!!

It's not like I have time to sit around wondering what people's sexual preferences are, because I could really care less, but I'm surprised sometimes by how little I know on any given subject, like the fact that the star of "The Killer Likes Candy," the swash-bucklin' monster killin' Captain Sinbad himself, Kerwin Mathews, was gay! In retrospect, it makes good sense, I just never thought it about before!

Kerwin Mathews passed away at 81 years of age in 2007, he had been living with his partner Tom Nicoll for 46 years, so that means they had already been living together for 7 years when this movie was made!

Give directors Federico Chentrens and Maurice Cloche some credit for coming up with some clever locations!

The bad boys move in for the kill led by Gordon "Sword & Sandal-Frankenstein 80" Mitchell!

Kerwin Mathews had himself one fantastic career by Dungeon standards! Captain Sinbad in the unforgettable "The 7th Voyage Of Sinbad" would be more than enough by itself, as it was basically the "King Kong" of it's era, but there was also "The 3 Worlds of Gulliver," "Jack The Giant Killer," "Octaman," and last Saturday's stinker, "Battle Beneath The Earth," proving that Kerwin could do it all, good and bad!

Kerwin's first recorded performance was on the TV classic "Space Patrol" in 1954! It was episode #142, titled "The Escape of Mr. Proteus" and he played Major Caldwell! Kerwin might also be in the running for being in the most movies with numbers in the title. Besides the aforementioned "7th Voyage" and "3 Worlds," Kerwin also had these titles notched in his belt: "Cell 2455 Death Row," "5 Against the House," "The Devil at 4 O'Clock," and "OSS 117 Se Déchaîne," oh, and don't forget the TV show, "Playhouse 90."

Sorry, Ladies!!

I hope I didn't give away too much of the story!!

THE ADVENTURES OF BULLWINKLE AND ROCKY / Jay Ward - 1961

Welcome everbloody to Moldie Oldie Monday, here at The Dungeon! Tonight we gots our favorite cartoon characters from the sixties, Rocky and Bullwinkle. Producer/Writer Jay Ward knows 'funny.' He also had a great pile of twisted talent working with him, too! Thank you, Jay!!

Here's Jay with Bullwinkle, makes me think of Robert and Cecil! Hey, that pic looks a lot like our pal, Greg Goodsell... The one with the antlers, natcherly!!

The nutty, unforgettable music was done by three guys, Dennis Farnon and Fred and George Steiner, George is Fred's father.

So, let's bring in our lil' Monday helper, Rufus The Gnat, he'll be pushing that big red 'GO' button over there, and start our Eariffic Earclip a-rollin' along, directly to yer awaiting earifice!! Hit that button, RUFUS!!... THE SCROOCHED MOOSE!

Rocky and Bullwinkle are working on their secret rocket fuel formula when Moon Men, Gidney & Cloyd, pop in to stop Earth tourism to the Moon before it starts, or get 'scrooched!' I love the sound effect they use when Gidney & Cloyd appear and disappear! It'd make a great ringtone...

Boris and Natasha get their orders from Fearless Leader... "Keel Moose!" So, Boris cuts the rope holding the dangling safe that will then land on Bullwinkle who's walking on the sidewalk below.

Wait Boris, entire note says do not keel Moose!

...UH-OH!!

Boris makes it just in time to save Bullwinkle!

For days, the boys work feverishly baking, trying to duplicate grandma Moose's recipe, but nothing will expolde!

Swami Bin Boris and his lovely assistant show up, also trying to get their hands on the formula.

Why, I got too much brain power, I'm just a... (snap) "Yes, master!"

Bullwinkle tells Boris and Natasha 'everything' including his many childhood memories!

zzzzzz.. zzzzzzzz.. zzzzz.. zzzzz..

The Moon Men are the only ones that hear the formula when Bullwinkle gets around to that part.

Cloyd gets to do some more scrooching!

Tune in next Monday, same time, same channel, for another Moldie Oldie offering, here at The Dungeon!

Ghoulnight Everbloody!..