FRANKENSTEIN’S CASTLE OF FREAKS (1974) – Directed by Dick Randall – Music by Marcello Gigante

Greeting dear friends, welcome once again to the agonizing pit of despair that is Zillagord’s private screening room. Pull up the imitation leopard-skin covered beanbag chair I purloined from the set of BLOOD FREAK and lemme tell you the terrible twisted tale of FRANK’S FREAKS. Yep, I’m gettin’ my FREAK on yet again! But don’t let that scare you off, I’m harmless as kitchen.

FRANK’S FREAKS is a lurid yet laughable Italian impost directed by that pie-eyed Paisan… um… Dick Randall?? OK, so he’s not Italian, but he left his little freaky fingerprints on many a foreign-made exploitation flick, including Dungeon fave King Of Kong Island, PIECES, and LUCIFERA: DEMONLOVER (wowsers!). He also helmed sexploitationers like AROUND THE WORLD WITH NOTHING ON (zowie!). His offerings to the trenchcoat crowd oughtta tip you off to the voyeuresque experience to come.

Music provided by Marcelle Gigante; he’s HUGE in Italy! Not really. But he does have over 30 credits to his big BIG name, including THE EMBALMER and Spaghetti westerns like PRAY TO GOD & DIG YOUR GRAVE and GOD MADE THEM… I KILL THEM!! More great titles!!

What is this that stands before me? After obligatory prologue, we are treated to atmospheric grave robbing scene! It’s quickly downhill from here folks…

This is pretty much the extent of Frank’s Freaks. Doc Frank is so ineffectual in this flick, he needs FOUR henchmen. They’re all creepy deviants with incongruently dubbed voices!

This lil’ necrophile, Genz, is also the biggest perv in flick. Girl’s only been outta the ground for a minute, he’s already coppin’ a feel. Geez, give her a chance to rub the dirt from her eyes.

Genz is always slinkin’ around, leering and peering: a stone creep. He’s played by Michael Dunn, who had the recurring role of Dr. Miguelito Loveless in TV’s WILD WILD WEST. Dunn was also in classic STAR TREK episode PLATO’S STEPCHILDREN and in WEREWOLF OF WASHINGTON [link]. Really a fascinating guy, I urge you to check out his IMDB bio!

Doc Frank (Rosanno Brazzi, PSYCHOUT FOR MURDER, YOUNG DRACULA) is the…uh… master of the castle. MOM! I told you to knock before coming in my room!

Frank’s monster is not actually a cobbled-together corpse but the reanimated body of a Neanderthal man with a chinchilla pasted to his forehead. No need to suspend disbelief here folks! Frank calls him Goliath, but you may remember him as Loren Ewing, who played Big John on original Batman TV series.

Frank’s daughter Maria (Simonetta Vitell, no hilarious title to her credit), who plans to wed at Frank’s castle. Where’s honeymoon, BLOOD ISLAND??

And here’s Valda (Laura De Benedettis, EROTIC DREAMS OF CLEOPATRA), who is evidently taking a break from her job as magician’s assistant and who inexplicably falls for the Doc.

Maybe it’s all the booze he has lined up! One bourbon, one scotch, one beer…

What would Herschel do? Hunchback Kreegin (Xiro Pappas, THE DEVIL’S WEDDING NIGHT) carves turkey while flirting with chambermaid! This is one hook-up you don’t wanna see. Warning: you will. Yeah friends, hunchback sex!

Pre-Internet porn! That’s dirty birdy Genz doin’ his nasty biz again.

After his private peepshow, he sneaks into the lab and goofs with Goliath. Doc Frank punts lil’ dude outta his castle. Big mistake, as Genz vows revenz.

Genz makes frenz with another caveman named OOK! OOK is played by—get this—Boris Lugosi!! Take that Marilyn Manson! Greatest stage name ever! Dude’s actual name is Salvatore Baccaro, credits include NAKED EXORCISM, STAR CRASH, and ATOR THE INVINCIBLE. No matter what his name, guy really looks the part, he oughtta be in those Geico commercials....

Wouldn’t you know that OOK’s cave comes complete with all the mod cons, including fire pit and hot tub! Genz getting rocks off on rocks!

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!

All that mud-rubbin’ makes Genz want some lovin’! He and OOK kidnap village girl, and not for darning loincloths!

SHAZBOT! OOK can’t believe his eyes as Genz shows him the birds ‘n’ bees. Really disgusting dwarf rape scene replete with ghasty carnal Genz-grunts. Hunchback sex was just a warm-up!

The moment we all were awaiting: Angry Villagers With Torches! A FRANKENSTEIN flick just wouldn’t be complete without ‘em!

Edgar Allan Poe looking for the Civil War reenactment.

Genz returns to release Goliath, who goes on a killing spree whilst looking for a reputable salon where he can wax that monobrow.

In a battle of the cavemen, it’s Goliath in one fall!

Velda tries to rescue Goliath, but her malapropos polka-dot blouse is a beacon for angry villagers…

As Goliath meets his fiery fate, clever manipulator Genz uses Velda’s sorrow as an opportunity for one final feel. Nuthin’ like cozyin’ up in front of a nice, warm fire. Man, I feel dirtier than a caveman after watching this thing. I’d take a shower, but I’m afraid that little bugger Genz’ll peep me too! I’m FREAKED!!!

JOHN BARTLES - IT'S THAT HALLOWEEN PUMPKIN PIE SPECIAL (Is Nothing Sacred?)

nOW WE'RE TALKIN' dUNGEON sTYLE hALLoWEEN!!!!

Two songs from the 'Master of the Macabre' the 'King of Halloween' and his D.I.Y. classic release, "It's That Halloween Pumpkin Pie Special (Is Nothing Sacred?)" John Bartles with "Much To Dead To Dance" and "Pumpkin Punk"!!! Hold on to your heart and hat, and good luck with that!

John Bartles sez Happy Halloween!!!

DIE, MONSTER, DIE! / AIP - 1965 / Music by Don Banks

Tabonga has an appointment in Hell today with The Big D, so, Rodan is filling in for this very special treat as a follow up to yesterday's excellent posting of BLACK SABBATH. Again, we feature our supreme hero, Mr. Boris Karloff, in one of AIP's best and most underrated movies of that era!!

This is pretty much a Hammer film, even using music composer Don Banks, who we've featured here before. Some of Don's work includes NIGHT CREATURES, PANIC, NIGHTMARE, HYSTERIA, THE EVIL OF FRANKENSTEIN, THE FROZEN DEAD, TORTURE GARDEN and others.

Here's today's Halloween Countdown soundclip... LOVECRAFTY DELUXIA!

Nick Adams shows up in Arkham, England, and is headed to the Witley House in the country. After asking a number of townspeople about getting there, he gets a cold shoulder, and, some hostility. So, he heads off walking.

He notices some very strange land features as he proceeds along the road.

Upon arriving at his destination, he is then greeted by a disgruntled Boris, but is eventually joined by his girlfriend, Susan Farmer, who explains that Nick came to help the ailing, Mrs. Witley.

Down in the basement is some very strange imagery, indeed.

As a result of too much time spent at the pit, Boris' servant succumbs to the meteor's radiation poisoning at the dinner table.

Weird things just keep on happening.

Nick and Susan go to the greenhouse to see if they can find some clues to the creepy mystery.

They find what they're looking for, alright! These creatures are among some of the greatest Lovecraft monsters, ever! Awesome!!

Nick decides to get to the bottom of things, so, goes down into the basement. He's greeted with a skeleton that pops out to frighten him away, but, remember, this is Nick Adams we're talking about!!

Then, he's attacked by some weird bats!

Nick finds the pit and inspects it. Boris comes up behind him for a gratuitous 'fright' moment.

Boris spills the beans, but, is interrupted by one of the manical mutants he's created! Nick conks it on the head and it falls down the ramp.

Pretty disgusting, judging from the looks on those faces!

Boris decides to destroy the crystals from space, but, he's got a problem!

He's attacked and gets a super dose of radiation himself!

And, it doesn't look good!

His trail is easy to follow.

Now, totally transformed into a radio active mutant beast, Boris seeks and finds Nick and Susan.

Boris loses his footing, falls to his death and starts the possessed house on fire!

Fire, the universal cleansing solvent! Well, as happy an ending as possible...