MOONFIRE - Marty Robbins - "The Wheel Of Life" (1970)

 Welcome to the newly ordained WTF?! Wednesday down in The Dungeon! Tonight's feature film, dear friends, was a movie we've had on our want list for over 5 years without a clue as to where to obtain a copy! Finally in the last few months I tracked one down, and then, lo and behold, when I started writing this tonight, I went to IMDB to check a couple of facts, and found out that "Moonfire" streams on Amazon for $2.99 or free if you have one of them fancy 'Prime' accounts, so now it's just up to you whether you're ready for something like this or not! I know I sure wasn't!! On the WTF?! Meter, "Moonfire" gets a 10 for sure!! It's got it all! When I first read about "Moonfire" they said something about truckers vs nazis, so I envisioned something like a cross between "Surf Nazis Must Die," and "Mad Max," but I was wrong, way wrong!!! Not even close!!

Here's what I think! Somebody had the big idea that if they had a star with some kind of name recognition (Richard (GOG) Egan), a bigger than life former major sports figure (Sonny Liston), and a theme song by a former #1 hit maker (Marty Robbins and his 1959 hit song "El Paso"), that there was no possible way that they could go wrong! I'm pretty sure that they lost their ass on that bet!! A curious note, just for the record, when most songs in 1959 were clocking in at 2 or 3 minutes, "El Paso" was 4 minutes and 38 seconds long, an AM radio breakthrough later taken to the max on FM by "The End" and "In A Gadda Da Vida!"

Remember!! This is THE "Most Authentic Trucking Movie" ever made, and that claim just might still hold true to this day! Here's a tasty morsel of the music to get you in the mood! Arriba, Arriba, Honk, Honk!!!!

Richard Eagan's got that kind of a face where you know you've seen him many times before, but you just don't know exactly where! Multiple western roles and two TV shows in 1962 and 63 with different titles, but where Richard played the same character, Jim Redigo were "Empire," and "Redigo!" Richard won a Golden Globe award in 1954 for "Most Promising Newcomer - Male," but in "Moonfire," he's just collecting a paycheck!

Two T's just wasn't enough, so here ya go kids, the authentic Triple T Truck Stop! (Or is it four?)

 So what the Hell is going on here anyway? I watched the movie and I still don't know, so it's going to be difficult for you! A space capsule drops down in the middle of the Mexican desert, followed by a parachuteer to retrieve something! Guy seems lost, I don't know!

 The dude on the left is a Nazi named Fuentes played by Dayton (Jack The Giant Killer) Lummis, and the guy on the right is his bandito accomplice Jesus as played by Jose (KRONOS) Gonzales-Gonzales! Jose is also responsible for the little ditty you'll hear in the soundclip that isn't Marty Robbins! They've got some completely different shit going on, but this space capsule deal just kind of literally dropped into their lap!

You would have thought that he would have had a better plan!

Believe it or don't, but this is a picture of me taken in the same exact year!

Jeez, nobody said anything about Percy Dovetonsils being in this movie!

Pickle Shot Charles Napier on the left is trucker Robert W. Morgan! Charles is a story all unto himself, with almost 200 credits to his name including a bunch of Russ Meyer films where he earned the nickname Pickle Shot for being in one of the first movies ever that included male frontal nudity! To further the legitimacy of this film, Charles actually worked for a trucker magazine called "Overdrive" in the 70's! True to form, Charles passed away in Bakersfield, Calif. just a couple of years ago!

Robert W. Morgan's partner and driving buddy is known as The Farmer and was played by former World Heavyweight Championship boxer and all around mysterious guy, Sonny Liston! I'm assuming that I'm not the only person who finds it odd that these guys all choose to work with no shirts on, but then this IS an authentic trucker movie!

The Sonny Liston story is, and will always be, the kind of life that history is made of!

With a record of 50 wins and 4 losses, Sonny destroyed Champion Floyd Patterson in their first meeting to claim the title of being the first person to ever knock out the reigning Champion in the first round! In a dismal rematch the following year, Patterson lasted a mere 4 seconds longer than in their first fight! It was after that when it started getting weird! In a championship defense against Cassius Clay (Muhammad Ali), Sonny was winning when something got in Clay's eye! Then suddenly, Liston quit, claiming a shoulder injury! In their rematch, Liston went down by a phantom punch that nobody saw in the first round, and lost his championship forever! Five months after this movie was made, Sonny Liston was found dead in Las Vegas at the age of 38! The truth will probably never be known!

Stupid racist biker didn't know who he was dealing with and got taken out in the first second of the first round!

You never see 'Standard' any more, it's all 'Chevron' these days! Now this is an authentic truck stop picture fer shure!

Next stop! MEXICO!!

Nothing says Truckin' like a couple of 16 wheelers side by side barreling down a dusty road together!!

 Stoopid freakin' Nazi guy who I thought was calling all the shots follows the truckers out into the boondocks and gets his car stuck in sand! Luckily for him, the guys carry a forklift around with them to unload their cargo, and are able to help him out!

 After he graciously thanks them, he then tries to shoot them, and in an unprecedented move I've never seen before, they ram his car with the forks, and then lift it up and over the edge of a cliff and gone!  Auf Wiedersehen Idiot!!

Acting or not, you really get the vibe that Sonny is thinking, "Amigo, this might be a movie, but you better get that gun out of my face before I kick your fucking ass!"

Now this is a shot that I truly believe is worthy of a caption contest! I just dare you! WTF!?

LIGHTS OUT / "The Angry Birds" - 1951

Here's a weird one for you, it's all about how an act of revenge that turns into a real nightmare when birds fight back...

It stars John (IN COLD BLOOD) Forsythe, Constance (GOG) Dowling, Vaughn (PSYCHO) Taylor, Warren (SHOCK TREATMENT) Parker, James (TORPEDO RUN) Winslow and Frank (Voiced 3 cartoons in the forties) Gallop.

Frank immediately gets in your face and asks you a few personal lead in questions before he fades to black before the story starts.

Waldo Bryan is a talented artist but has left the big city to live in the country where his attention has turned to illustrating birds (he's obsessed with them) instead of making lots of money from his usual publisher. His wife Adele is resentful, she misses the money and the big city social scene.

What's bothering Waldo is that his canary is not in its cage and he cannot understand how it escaped. And, why did Adele let their cat outside without its collar with bells on it, so that the birds can fly away before the cat can get them. In other words, he loves birds.

His neighbor Mr. Hanson pays a visit and notices that the birds are acting very strange with all their chatter. They never show the birds but play a soundtrack with lots of bird sounds.

Then Waldo notices his pet canary in the water bowl, apparently killed by their cat.

Waldo comes back into the house to ask Adele why she let this happen. Well, because she wants to go back to the city. She also tells him that he's a weak person, and has the heart of a bird!

His publisher pays him a visit to ask him to come back to the city, for Adele's sake, she just isn't a country girl and all...

There's a commotion outside, Waldo and Mr. Hanson try and get the cat out from under the steps because it has a bird and is mauling it unmercifully.

Waldo begs Adele to call the cat out, it will listen to her, but she refuses!

The sound of the bird crying out grinds on Waldo's soul, it's hard for him to take.

Adele thinks that her plan to get Waldo to move back to the city is a big success...

She decides to leave for the city, Waldo can follow later, but when she goes out the door she's greeted by a horde of angry birds!!

She runs back into the house where Waldo tells her that the birds will not forget and they are going to follow her for the rest of her life! His bond with the birds tells him that they will never forget!

Get ready... Waldo goes into the yard and lets the birds deep six him, much to the horror of Adele! DON'T MESS WITH THE BIRDIES!!

THE CRAWLING HAND / Joseph F. Robertson - 1963 / Music by ?

Tabonga back!..

Tonight flick is pretty much... Everybloody want to get into the act!!

So now give listen to Theme and Malt Shop - No credit for music, sound good though, studio stock music with cymbal accents added! And Malt Shop is swingin'!!

Killer title card!! Tabonga have to mention tonight director Herbert L. Strock! Here some flick he direct... THE MAGNETIC MONSTER, RIDERS TO THE STARS, GOG, I WAS A TEENAGE FRANKENSTEIN, BLOOD OF DRACULA, HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER!

Peter Breck, Kent Taylor, Allison Hayes!

Okay, when finger push this button, dude in spaceship blow up!!.. Awwwww!

I said, NO DANCIN'!.. Syd Saylor weird lookin'! We already post when monster-boy get crazy and Syd get beat up with Rivingtons playing on jukebox!!

Here Rod Lauren and Sirry Steffen, she former Miss Iceland!.. Wait, she wearing bottoms?! Hmmm..

Here Arlene Judge, she start acting in 1931, and career end right here!

Hey!!.. Alan (little buddy) Hale, Jr. and Ross Elliott, TV dudes?! What gives?!

Creepy killer choke hand is really producer Joseph F. Robertson! (SLIME PEOPLE, AGENT FOR H.A.R.M.).. See!!.. EVERYBLOODY WANT TO GET INTO THE ACT!!

After hand choke Rod, it let go and take off again! When leaving, it crawl over Rod lip and it pretty damn funny!

Dude gots some pretty sweet coin banks!!

Rod not wanna be Alan's little buddy!

Oh great! Now Shakespeare!!

At end, Jock Putnam and Andy Andrews here have to transport killer hand in locked box to military base. Dummies give them the key!.. They decide to look in box, because, you know, curious. So, they open box!

When they look in box, this pop out! See, even stupid gimmick want to get into the act!!