THE FIRESIGN THEATRE - "Volkswagen Mummy Fools"

 Welcome to yet another Wacky Wednesday in The Dungeon!
Our guests tonight are The Firesign Theatre!

The Firesign Theatre have been our comedic heroes for many, many years and we're referenced them many times in these pages before, as this Search Link will attest to.

I spend a lot of time rummaging around on the Internet Archive, and am always surprised what turns up at the end of the day. Lately, it's been The Firesign Theatre, so here's a couple of tidbits to tickle your funny bone in these dark times.

 First off, here is an actual TV commercial for a Los Angeles Volkswagen dealership that was made in 1969 that starts off with Peter Bergman at the helm!

 This would be about the same time that the boys came out with their classic LP,
"How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere At All?"

It's poetic justice that Jack Poet Volkswagen would be the dealer giving these four bozos some air time!
This is Phil Proctor, one of the only two surviving members some 50 years later!

 Philip Austin was also the incredible genius behind "Roller Maidens From Outer Space!"

 David Ossman is the only other member still around today!!
Here's a YouTube link so you can watch this incredible thing for yourself.
Don't be fooled, the beginning is a commercial for the game "Battleship."

This really interesting 14 minute video that you can watch right here, shows the guys at work doing their thing in an impromptu radio podcast titled "Fools In Space" from 2002!

 Sadly, Peter Bergman on the right, left us in 2012 at the age of 72, and Phil Austin joined him in 2015 at the age of 74!

You can also watch this fun overdubbed 20 minute version of "The Mummy's Tomb" that was done by three of the Firesigns watching this movie on TV, telling radio listeners to turn to the TV channel and turn the sound down, and listen to the broadcast they were doing instead. You can also find links to other Firesign Theatre artifacts there, so what are you waiting for? Start Digging!

THE MALTESE FALCON - "Cut 'Em Off At The Past" (1941)

Tonight's Wednesday Classic is the 1941 film "The Maltese Falcon" starring the always fun to watch Humphrey Bogart!

"The Maltese Falcon" is a krazy movie with an amazing cast of characters! I feel stupid even writing about it, because I just feel like everybody should already know everything about a movie like this, but then, maybe not considering the school system these days!

I'm not exactly sure where this movie takes place......

......Maybe in California if I had to guess!

Probably my favorite comedy bit is The Firesign Theatre's "The Further Adventures of Nick Danger," from their album "How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere At All," which is an insane story about a private detective named Nick Danger that is totally based on "The Maltese Falcon."

One of the very first audio gags at the start of the story has Nick Danger introducing himself as Regnad Kcin because he's reading his name backwards from the writing on the glass door just like this!

Humphrey Bogart is Detective Sam Spade, and his partner is Jerome (Black Zoo) Cowan as Miles Archer!
 In the middle is their new client, an absolutely insane woman in my opinion named Brigid O'Shaughnessy, posing as a Miss Wonderly, as played by Mary (Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte) Astor!
Jerome Cowan was also in the "Twilight Zone" episode titled "The Sixteen-Millimeter Shrine."

Right out of the box, Miles Archer is shot and killed!

Sam Spade can only get so upset by the death of his partner since he was having an affair with his wife!

This is a great shot of Sam visiting the scene of the crime!

Here's an amazing pair of Detectives as played by Barton MacLane and Ward Bond!!
Barton MacLane had 182 tough guy credits including "Nabonga," "The Mummy's Ghost," "Cry Of The Werewolf," and "Unknown Island."
It's hard to see Ward Bond as anybody else except Major Seth Adams after watching over 100 episodes of "Wagon Train" as a kid!

Sam Spade and Miss Wonderly develop a very strange relationship!

Bogie must roll and smoke at least five cigarettes during the course of the film!

And...Of course, Peter Lorre is in there as the sleazy weasel Joe Cairo!
In the Nick Danger episode, the Joe Cairo character is named Rocky Rococo, because The Firesign Theatre recording is a combination of "The Maltese Falcon," and The Beatles' song "Rocky Raccoon!"

I could watch the scenes with Bogie and Peter Lorre all night long!

Let's not forget the masterful weirdo Elisha Cook Jr. is also in there as hit man Wilmer Cook!
Just some of Elisha's freakin' 219 credits are "House On Haunted Hill," "Black Zoo," "The Haunted Palace," "Blacula," "Messiah Of Evil," etc. etc., and you could usually count on him to have a name like Ice Pick, Mousy, Sweeper, Inky, Banjo, or Spinks!

It's cool to see Bogie smile!

Finally, the package containing the famous bird arrives!

And there it is, in all it's glory, "The Maltese Falcon;
Too bad it's a fake!!

If you've never done it before, now's the time to spend that extra 28 minutes and eleven seconds you've got to listen to
"The Further Adventures Of Nick Danger!"
It's a guaranteed good time!

I'm just going to leave you with this!

 I honestly believe this is one of the most remarkably odd posters I've ever seen!

MY SCIENCE PROJECT - "We Must Not Destroy The World" (Good Idea!) (1985)

I don't know what the budget was for tonight's Weird Wednesday feature, but I think they should have just fed a bunch of homeless people instead! The money would have been a lot better spent! Some people love this movie, but I just don't happen to be one of them!

So here it is, "My Science Project!" Let me know what grade you would give it!

Dennis Hopper is Bob Roberts, you know, kind of like Dick Peters!

When most high school kids need a quick fix science project, I've heard that a great majority of them seek out abandoned military equipment graveyards!

Backyard mechanics and alien technology make for strange bedfellows!

Wow, a Neo-Spectometer, I haven't seen one of those in like never!

Bob's an olde druggie, so he digs the juice!!

Then it gets really out of hand...

...And a timewarp portal opens!

 "My Science Project" was also released as "Time Busters!"

The real honest fact of the matter is, I used my own portable time machine to fast forward through the last 20 or 30 minutes!

I started to feel like this when I realized I wasn't a teenager any more!

Any movie playback device whether it be streaming, a DVD or even a VHS tape, enables you to manipulate time forward or backwards like a time machine, the only difference is, even if you go backward you don't regain the time you spent going forward, or as The Firesign Theatre so succinctly stated, "How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?"

If you're really in the mood to watch a teen movie from 1985, I think "Weird Science" with Kelly LeBrock, and a soundtrack that includes music by Oingo Boingo and Wall Of Voodoo is a better choice! I'm not usually like this, but I give this science project an F!