THE MASK OF DIIJON - Erich Von Stroheim (1946)

Tonight's Blue Plate Special is a mixture of brown mustard seeds, wine, vinegar, water, and salt, and is quite delectable, or tasty if you want to be crass about it!

"The Mask Of Diijon" is an unsavory story from 1946! The tragedy only adds piquancy to the tale! Don't you just love those eyes?

This is almost a solo serving of Erich Von Stroheim, and what a briny guy he is! As master magician and hypnotist Diijon, he's going to find himself in a real pickle! A couple of times in this movie, he almost smiles!

Want to start off your movie with a little excitement? How about this antique French food chopper?

Pesto-Change-o! It was only a trick, with no fake ketchup blood needed!

This dude looks like he's holding Lord Litter's buddy Mr. Skull in his hand, but it's just a magic prop that came from the Thousand Islands!

Diijon's honey Victoria is played by Jeanne Bates who worked until 2002, and had a very cool career that included parts in "Return of the Vampire," "The Phantom," "The Soul of a Monster," "Back From The Dead," and "Erasehead!" She was also in the "Twilight Zone" episode called "It's a Good Life."

William (Daughter of the Jungle) Wright is Tony, the leader of a Pickled Walnuts and Mushy Peas band that Victoria sings with! William succumbed to cancer at the young age of 38!

I'll just say that Diijon has got some serious problems! He's angry, jealous, possessive, and just not very nice in general, and can be a real sauerkraut of a guy!

Diijon is pretty salty most of the time, but he does show he has at least a little bit of a heart when this two-bit crook tries to rob a local small cafe and he disarms him with his hypnotic powers!

Mean Mr. Mustard reads a mental cookbook!  He is stirring up all kinds of trouble, and is now in the process of hypnotizing people he doesn't like, and making them do horrible things like killing themselves!

Maybe this platter was "Stone Cold Dead In The Market," or another one of these popular tunes from 1946, "The Coffee Song," "Ole Buttermilk Sky," or "Shoo Fly Pie and Apple Pan Dowdy."

Diijon can't relish the fact that he's losing his wife!

So, he mesmerizes her and turns her into a vegetable, and then makes her try and shoot Tony!

In the end, this cat that is full of piss and vinegar will have a major role in Diijon's destiny!

Is this a great shot, or what?

This was really a picture from the inside not the outside, but I flipped it so you could read it without using a menu or a mirror!

"The Mask Of Diijon" is a spicy little film that's just a little over an hour long, so it's pretty easy to consume, and to make it even easier for you to digest, there's a pretty decent version you can watch on YouTube, and you won't even have to leave a tip!

THE OUTER LIMITS: The Hundred Days Of The Dragon / Season 1 Episode 2 - 1963

During the presidential campaign in the USA, the candidate William Lyons Selby is projected to be the probable winner. Asian dictator Li-Chin Sung has his scientists develop a technique to shape the face and the fingerprints of any man. Selby is murdered and replaced by a skilled spy, he wins the election and the impostor becomes the American President! Li-Chin Sung plots to replace others prominent American leaders by infiltrating Asian spies to take over America.

This classic episode stars Sidney Blackmer as William Lyons Selby, Phillip Pine as Ted Pearson, Mark Roberts as Bob Conner, Aki Aleong as Dr. Sui-Lin, Richard Loo as Li-Chin Sung and Joan Camden as Ann Pearson.

Somewhere in Asia, Dr. Sui-Lin has invented a way for a human to change his appearance and even change his fingerprints. But, for what purpose?..

Well, maybe to impersonate an American presidential candidate, namely, William Selby. The trial run on the face press yields a positive result on his plant.

Selby and his VP running mate, Ted Pearson, are ahead in the polls and are projected to win the election...

So, it's time to use the old face press again!

The impersonator breaks into Selby's home and finds the candidate in his bedroom. After killing Selby, the impersonator gets his fingerprints, the job is done.

So, Selby and Pearson win the election and move into the White House, Li-Chin Sung now has his man in a position to do his bidding. Ted notices that something isn't quite right with the president...

Then, Ted is attacked in his home, he's next on Li-Chin Sung's list. Ted tells his friend Bob that the person looked exactly like him so they do some research and find out that Russia has been working on appearance changing technology!

After another attempt is made to replace Ted, the plot fails and the impersonator is captured and brought to a White House event to confront Selby.

Officials take Selby into custody and Ted has something to show everyone...

Ted then shoots Selby up with the altering drug.

He shows the people there how a face becomes putty before using a face press to mold the looks of an impostor. The crowd reacts in horror!

Ted Pearson is now president and has saved America from the foreign adversaries... Hooray!! Okay then, that's it, tune in Wednesday when Eegah!! returns from the void!

ITALIAN SPIDERMAN - "Actione, Terrore, Suspenso... SPIDER!" (2007)

 I had no idea what to expect when I sat down to watch "Italian Spiderman," and I wasn't really expecting much, because this is obviously a silly and stupid movie, but I was quite surprised to find myself laughing out loud, because this movie is actually quite funny!

Welcome to the Saturday Night Special Dungeon style!

 There are no rules to "Italian Spiderman!" It's kind of hard to even know what side of the law he's on because he is such a politically incorrect jerkoff, but this guy cracks me up! He's absolutely and positively hilarious!!

 "Italian Spiderman" is nothing it pretends to be! It pretends to be an Italian movie, but it was made in Australia. Pretty funny when "Hmm" has to be translated, but that's the kind of thing that "Italian Spiderman" is about! As far as having anything to do with the "Spiderman" comics, there is none!

 "Italian Spiderman's" blackjack is a real blow to his opponent!

 "Italian Spiderman" is not in shape or good looking, or even Italian, but he has a way with women because, well, because he's Italian as far as the movie is concerned!

"Italian Spiderman" was written by and played by David Ashby, who along with Dario Russo who directed it, are responsible for an Australian TV series that ran for four years called "Danger 5" that I know absolutely nothing about at all, but from what I see here, it's probably ridiculously funny!

 Hopefully, Paul from Oz will let us know!

 Another element that makes this show so good is that the music is also brilliant! There is no person named Enzo Bontempi! The music is created by Dario Russo, Will Spartalis, and Josh Van Looy. The credits are so cool, I could have showed you just those shots and it would have been fine!

 "Italian Spiderman" smokes his way through the whole movie, and this was his brand of choice, an "Extra Quiet" rooster!

 A crocodile has broken into his pad!

 "Italian Spiderman" is a womanizer, but he's always telling other people to "Respect Women," then he smacks them in the face!

 Here's how the perv respects women himself!

 "Italian Spiderman's nemesis is Captain Maximum!

 Here's a shot from the wild green screen chase scene!

"Italian Spiderman" gets fed some psychedelic drugs, and ends up washed up on a beach on some remote island only to find Captain Maximum there waiting for him? After the offer of the Mojito, Captain Maximum challenges "Italian Spiderman" to a Surf Off.

 More green screen lunacy!

 Then when Captain Maximum's girls start getting the best of "Italian Spiderman," he calls on this special power! Penguins start flying all over the place and knocking people out!

 Despite a lot of sexual situations, there's no nudity, very little bad language, and the violence is too funny to even comment on! "Italian Spiderman" could almost be a perverse Disney movie!

 This Captain Maximum henchman has got "Italian Spiderman" in his sights!

 "Italian Spiderman" turns the tables and takes out the sniveling sniper!

 "Italian Spiderman" is ready for anything!

 Just when we thought Captain Maximum was dead, he takes some drugs and now is a Godzilla-like Gargantuan!

"Italian Spiderman" is just too good in so many ways. There's no contrived ending because there doesn't need to be one, because the story is just one big joke anyway. One of my biggest complaints is that movies go on too long. "Italian Spiderman" clocks in at 40 minutes, the actual perfect amount of time to keep my attention! It's idiotic but smart, and they don't waste time! It's really kind of sad that it wasn't continued!