TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED - Roald Dahl - Season 01, Episode 08 - "Neck" (1979)

As much as I'd like to do all 112 episodes of "Tales Of The Unexpected" one by one in order, unfortunately I still have some semblance of a life, so I'm jumping from Season One, Episode One, to Season One, Episode Eight for this evening's Saturday Night Special in The Dungeon!

It's a simple tale with a simple title about some very complicated people, and it's simply called

"NECK!"

I find it amusing that Mr. Dahl also wrote children's books! "James and the Giant Peach" was another one of his creations!

This is Somerleyton Hall in Somerleyton, Suffolk, England!

Somerleyton Hall dates back to 1240, but this version of the estate was built in the mid 1800's, and is open to the public for tour at a meager price if you're ever in the area!

In this story, Michael Aldridge is the lord of the manor as Sir Basil Turton! Sir Basil likes to collect very large scultures and put them in his garden! Michael was a staple on British TV for four decades or more!

Paul Herzberg is John Bannister, an art associate of Sir Basil's that he has brought home for the weekend! Paul was also in another "Tales Of The Unexpected" titled "A Time To Die," 9 years later!

The always lovely and fun to watch Joan Collins is Sir Basil's wife Natalia. She is a slut!!
You gotta love Joan Collins. She was "The Siren" in the "Batman" TV show, she has been on "Star Trek," "Space:1999," and two other "Tales Of The Unexpected!" She was also in "Empire Of The Ants" before going on to be in 209 episodes of "Dynasty" from 1981 to 1989! If she was making around $120,000.00 per episode as I have read, then that means she made a little over 24 million dollars for that gig, and she's still active! What an amazing woman!

Peter (Blow-Up, The Legend Of Hell House) Bowles is Major Haddock, Natalia's secret lover! Peter was on almost every cool 60's British TV show, like f'rinstance, "The Protectors," "Secet Agent," "The Avengers," and "The Prisoner!" Like Joan Collins, Peter is still working today!

These two are not very good about hiding what's going on!

 You'd never see a painting on the wall like that in a 1979 American TV show, I guarantee!
Classic Shakespearean actor John (The Elephant Man) Gielgud is mafnificent as Jelks the butler!

 Playin' footsies at dinner with the young new guest, and then when the lights go out, she sneaks up to his room!

 B U S T E D!!!

 After a night of infidelity, what else would you want to do than walk through this garden of very large sculptures with the man whose wife you were screwing?

 See, it wasn't even what you thought!

 But it could have belonged to this guy, Mr. Cool!

The next day, Major Haddock and Natalia go horseback riding and a romp in the hay, and then decide to have some fun with Sir Basil's new acquisition!

But all the fun comes to a screeching halt when Natalia gets her head stuck in the sculpture!

For a couple of minutes, it turns into a "Three Stooges" episode!

Sir Basil had caught sight of the happy couple kissing and carrying on through a window, so he let it go on for a while before coming out with some bag balm or something to smear all over Natalia like the greased pig that she is!

When that didn't work, Sir Basil decides to chop the sculpture in two, but he just might have missed!

Well, now you know why it was called "Neck!"

BEETLEJUICE / Geffen Company - 1988

Today's post is a fun Tim Burton production, it's all about Adam and Barbara, a normal couple who happen to be... Dead! They have given much time to decorate their house, but unfortunately, a new family is moving into it. The couple try to scare them out, but, end up becoming the main attraction to the money hungry family. They call upon Beetlejuice to help them out, but, good old Beetlejuice has more in mind than just helping!

This crazy movie stars Alec Baldwin, Geena Davis, Michael Keaton, Catherine O'Hara, Jeffrey Jones and more. So, sit back and check it out...

Adam and Barbara call out their only hope in helping them out with their problem. They chant... Beetlejuice... Beetlejuice!.. Beetlejuice!!

Beetlejuice has a special, very creepy way of saying... Hello, der!!

Beetlejuice makes himself at home and hangs out with a pile of cool monsters and, whatever. Half the fun in this flick has to do with the strange creature machinations in Tim Burton's fertile mind!

Adam sits down with this cigarette smoking corpse, that bad habit is probably what killed him in the first place!

Barbara and Adam have their wild side too, as whacked out monsters!

Here's are some nice close ups of Barbara and Adam, I love this kind of stuff, I've made a career of creating the weirdest artwork I can come up with.

This is the family trying to capitalizing on Adam and Barbara's haunted house, they think everything's going their way until...

The damn sculptures in the living room come to life and start walking around the house!

The family members get their just desserts, and, everything is good again in weirdsville!! Beetlejuice... Beetlejuice!.. Beetlejuice!!

Tune in again tomorrow for something special, here at... The Dungeon!

SANTA'S CHRISTMAS CIRCUS - "Something Weird Video" (1966)

"Enchanting Excitement For Young And Old Alike!"

That's right kids, it's Santa"s Christmas Circus," and admission was only one dollar! No Sir, it just don't get any better than that!

There is something about the title "Santa's Christmas Circus," that makes me feel like it should really read "Santa's Psycho Christmas Circus!"

Damn! Just having Santa wasn't good enough? We get Whizzo The Clown Too?

What a great buy one, get one free deal!

You can basically do anything your little heart desires in "Santa's Christmas Circus" like ride a magic carpet! Just make sure that magic carpet isn't "The Creeping Terror" by mistake!

It was a dark and cold and snowy night!

Here's Whizzo!! 

"Who's always smiling, never sad? It's Whizzo!
Who makes the boys and girls so glad, Whizzo.
He's a merry fellow with a big red shiny nose,
Dressed in crazy mixed up clothes
From his head down to his toes." 

For the whole Whizzo story, head on over to the Kansas Historical Society's page dedicated to The Whizz himself! What a cheese!!

And if you don't think it's a "CIRCUS OF FUN," then listen to this, and you just might change your mind!

Frank Wiziarde was Whizzo on TV in Kansas from 1954 to 1987!

Wow! That's a lot of clowning around!

I think you're starting to get the idea, but don't get too curious, because this short trailer for "Santa's Christmas Circus" is all that's left! There are supposedly no complete versions of the movie in existence today!

Now if we only had a time machine like Whizzo did, we could go back in time and watch the whole thing!! 

Maybe some day!

But for now, if you want a larger dose of X-Mas madness from the past, you can find this trailer, and a whole bunch of other Christmas crap on a Something Weird Video titled:

"Retro Christmas Classics!"

Jeez, Whizzo looks like Moe in a clown outfit and a wheelchair! 

Any way you want to spell it, a Christmas Circus should be a "Festive treat for all the family!"

Personally, I would never even think about going to a circus during the holidays, because once the kids all start running around hyped up on new toys, Christmas day is usually enough of a circus right here at home!

I put these two pictures together because I was just imagining what you could do if you combined these two acts! The guys backflip blindfolded right into the pool! Aw, nevermind, they probably already do that in some Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas! Well, at least the posters are cool anyway!

PLANET OF THE APES / APJAC Productions, Twentieth Century Fox - 1968

Here's a movie that created a lot of buzz when it came out, and, we should all know by now that Taylor and two other astronauts come out of deep hibernation to find that their ship has crashed on an unknown planet. Escaping with little more than their clothes, they figure out that they have landed on a planet where men are uncivilized while apes have learned speech and technology. Taylor is captured and taken to the city of the apes after his throat is damaged and he cannot communicate with the apes.... It's a madhouse!!

Charlton Heston was a popular actor at the time, he would go on to star in THE OMEGA MAN and SOYLENT GREEN. Other actors include Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans, James Whitmore and James Daly.

The spaceship Icarus crashes into an ocean on an unknown planet, the crew abandon the ship and head toward the shore.

I always liked this part where the crew come across these, I guess, scarecrows, as they're walking through the hills on their journey,

Then, the crew come across a band of humans looking for food, what the heck is going on here?!.. Obviously, they like corn!

Taylor and the crew find out that the dominate species are a bunch of damn dirty apes with horses, rifles and clubs to exercise their authority.

Here are the three faces of reason on the Planet Of The Apes. It's hilarious when one covers his eyes, one covers his ears and the other covers his mouth when they are confronted with information that they don't want to acknowledge.

Probably the most memorable scene for me is when the ape douses Taylor with a fire hose, calling him a freak. Then, Taylor says his famous line... It's a madhouse!!

It's decided that Taylor mate with the human girl, Nova. How intimate can you get with the lights on and a bunch of apes watching and giggling!

Taylor and Nova make their escape with the help of Cornelius and Zira, now, what will they find in the forbidden zone?

Well, anyway, Taylor finally solves the mystery... They are on Earth and man is responsible for destroying the planet in a nuclear war, game over, man!!

We're back on Wednesday with more Xmas stocking stuffers, just for you!