NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN - James Bond (1983)

I'm not sure exactly what I was doing back in 1983, but I know one thing, it wasn't watching movies like this! "Never Say Never Again" is the last time Sean Connery will ever play James Bond. He was really done in 1971 in "Diamonds Are Forever," but they dragged him back out, and in the nuttiest of nutshells, here's the reason why! It's well documented all over the internet, so if you want to know the whole story, do a search, but while the well known Ian Fleming is the author of the James Bond books, the lesser know Kevin McClory was given the job of adapting the Bond character to the big screen, so much that he owned the film rights to "Thunderball." Fleming and McClory had a big falling out, and after duking it out for years, he was eventually given the right to make another James Bond movie. So, they got Sean Connery to come back for a remake of "Thunderball!" Unfortunately none of the other regulars, M, Q, and Miss Moneypenny were able to return, so the whole thing kind of seems like a weird dream. For me, it's okay, but it doesn't really work, but that's just me!

The story goes that after 1967, Sean Connery said he would never ever do another James Bond movie, so when he took this role, his wife jokingly suggested it should be called "Never Say Never Again!"

Back in the real world, the other James Bond movies continued to be made, and in the same year, "Octopussy" with Roger Moore was released, and actually sold more that "Never Say Never Again!"  Ironic as it may be, even though Sean Connery was deemed to be too olde to continue in the role, Sean was 53 years old, and Roger Moore was 56 the same year!

The beautiful Barbara (Embryo) Carrera had the role of the eveil Fatima!

Of course the world's most evil and influential man is nothing without his beloved pussy cat!

Klaus Maria (Mephisto) Brandauer has the role of Maximilian Largo, the same character played by Adolfo Celi in"Thunderball!" Talk about longevity, Klaus has got his own TV show coming out this year called "Capelli Code," where he plays the leading character of Frank Capelli!

What finally takes out a giant bad guy pursuing James Bond?  A big heaping dose of James Bond's piss!

The glow in the room full of nuclear armaments is freakin' eerie!

This is how Fatima repays her loyal and dedicated employee!

I didn't find Alec (Frenzy) McCowen to be any match to Desmond Lleweln in the role of Q!

"Never Say Never Again" was the big screen debut of Rowan (Mr. Bean, Johnny English) Atkinson!

I'm not a big fan of underwater scenes, and this movie has probably got 15 or 20 minutes underwater, but I have to admit, it's some of the best underwater footage I've ever seen, and it just might have something to do with that fact that "The Creature From The Black Lagoon" himself, or at least the guy who wore the creature suit, Ricou Browning, was the guy working as the underwater sequence director!

This is a great shot!

Bernie (Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde) Casey is in there as Bond's best buddy and sidekick!

This film was only Kim (L.A. Confidential) Basinger's third big screen outing, she had only done TV before that!

I think this scene dates this film the most! A big dollar party where the highlight of the evening was playing arcade video games like Centipede!

The theme song and ending credits as composed by Michel Legrand, performed by Sergio Mendes and Herb Alpert, and sung by Lani Hall, and Sophie Della respectively, is 1983 to a tee!

The better music is like this 60 seconds of funk that was on the radio when Largo throws a fit!

The big challenge between Bond and Largo is a big and rather stupid video game that shocks the loser!

I think an equally appropriate title for this film would be this half-ass quote from Shakespeare, "Quoth the Raven.......

Never Moore!"

You know it's really over for this version of James Bond when he's served a fruity drink in a hurricane glass instead of a martini! Yep, that's all folks!!

DEATH BY INVITATION / Kirt Films - 1971

Here's one I got off of TCM Underground a few years ago, now, it's time to check it out. It's all about a young woman who learns that one of her ancestors had been burned at the stake as a witch, so, she decides to seek revenge for her on the descendants of the people who put her to death... Okay, this is another movie from Kirt Films in New York, producers of the gawd awful CURSE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN and CARNIVAL OF BLOOD, which we've already reviewed.

I have a sound clip for your approval, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button located there by our charred witch post, NOW, Ralphie The Tarantula!.. Here's a sample from... DEATH BY INVITATION!

The story starts with a flashback from the past, the most exciting thing for the whole family to do back then was to burn people at the stake!! I mean, like, what the Hell else was there to do?

This was Shelby Leverington's first acting credit, she plays vengeance seeking, Lise. Man, the seventies was a weird time for fashion! Nerds in suits...

Wow, what a great place for a picnic, you go girls!

Here's Jake and his family at dinner, they appear to be very religious...

If you're going to make a horror flick, well, you definitely need a scene at a cemetery!

Here's Peter, boyfriend of Lise, he's going to show everyone how strong he is and put this kid's arm right through the plate glass on this coffee table!

Loving Lise is tough, she's a whacko bird! While she sleeps, he goes into her closet that has blood all over the floor.

That's because there's a decapitated head and some guts leaking blood out of a plastic bag there. So, Lise is the ax murderer??..

Naw, it's freakin' Jake, his ancestors were responsible for crimes from the past, and, he's actually the crazed ax murderer!

Lise has a vision during the altercation, confirming who the ax murderer is, I guess!

And, mean old Jake gets his just desserts, a nice ax slice of neck with cherry syrup! So, we're back Wednesday with more craziness, just for you...

DER HUND VON BLACKWOOD CASTLE - Peter Thomas - "The Horror Of Blackwood Castle" (1968)

"The Hund Von Blackwood Castle" is one of the strangest movies you might just possibly get your grimy mitts on! It's not real scary, but it sure is odd, and THIS really gone musical introduction from the genius mind of  Dungeon hero Peter Thomas that seems to have escaped from some insane asylum somewhere might just give you a clue as to what I'm talking about!!

The plot of "Der Hund Von Blackwood Castle" is too incomprehensible to explain in such a limited amount of time, so I'm not even gonna try!

With a movie like this, you just have to sit back and and enjoy the ride, because it's going to be a wild one!

 

In February 1939, it was reported that Alfred Hitchcock would direct a British Lion production about the life of English writer Edgar Wallace, but unfortunately, it never happened! It might just have been one of the greatest movies ever! Two of the trickiest minds of all time together, wow, that would have been great!!

You're never going to know what's going on until the end, so don't even try and make any sense of it!

Down the road from Blackwood Castle is an inn that houses a number of interesting people!

There's Agnes (Dr. Mabuse Vs. Scotland Yard) Windeck as Lady Agathy Beverto, Alexander (Death and Diamonds) Engel as Doc Adams, and Tilo von (The College Girl Murders) Berlepsch as Agathy's husband, Lord Henry Beverton!

Heinz (The Avenger) Drache is another resident known as Humphrey Connery!

This is the place where it's all happening,
Blackwood Castle!!

The owner of Blackwood castle has died, and his estranged daughter, Jane Wilson, who has never met him, is summoned to the castle to collect her inheritance, the castle itself!

Jane Wilson is played by Karin ( What Have You Done To Solange) Baal.

The castle is full of surprises, and horrors, some real, and some not, like this empty pair of rubber boots!

Arthur (Zimmer 13) Binder as the late Captain Wilson's main man Grimsby, plants one of the Captain's snakes in his daughter's bed, just for kicks!

Karin Baal seems like a real good sport during the whole snake crawling around her head routine!

You know they had to have a great shot or two like this!

Jane Wilson's Mother is a burned out singer in a high class joint called the "Red Rose!"

Edgar Wallace in colour = Eye Candy, as this shot attests to!

Time to bring in the backup team, Siegfried Schürenberg as Sir John of Scotland Yard, for the 12th out of 13 times, and his assistant Ilse Pagé in her 2nd of five appearances as Miss Finley!

Sir John and Miss Finley have a most interesting relationship!

Jane Wilson's Mom, Mady (Dem Täter Auf Dem Spur) Rahl handles snakes without a problem!

The literal translation of "Der Hund Von Blackwood Castle" would be the hound or dog of, not the horror or the monster of! This Dobie is getting some dental implants full of the black mamba's deadly venom, just in case getting chewed up into little pieces isn't enough!

Horst Tappert as Donald Fairbanks is up to his ears in deep shit!!

And NOW he realizes it!!

Will Miss Finley save the day??

That's not for me to say because this hound is a bitch!
I've just barely scratched the surface of this film, but if you want the whole story, it streams on Amazon for $1.99, and that's a pretty good deal!