TOO HOT TO HANDLE - Eric Spear/Bill McGuffie - "Playgirl After Dark" (1960)

Tonight's feature was originally titled "Too Hot To Handle," but by the time it got to the shores of America, it had already been renamed as the much more insipidly stupid "Playgirl After Dark" which as far as the movie is concerned, actually has no meaning at all!

Okay, I feel kinda ripped off! As you can plainly see, "Too Hot To Handle" was originally released in glorious colour! Now down here in The Dungeon, we love black and white flicks as much, or more than anybody, but if it was in colour to begin with, it sure would have been nice to see it that way, but I guess it has something to do with getting it played on the TV before any colour broadcasts existed!! A year earlier the undisputed #1 blonde bombshell Marilyn Monroe was in a comedy entitled "Some Like It Hot!" Just let me know if you think it's some kind of odd coincidence that "Too Hot To Handle" was released the following year!!!

The weirdest thing is that this is not a bad movie, and it has Jayne Mansfield AND Christopher Lee in it! What a wonderful pair of icons to see on the big screen together!!

Leo Genn is strip club owner Johnny Solo, and that's just the way he likes it, alone! How old do you have to be to know what Leo is doing with his hands? Something quite popular with the kids back in the day that has never been resurrected again as far as I know! Check this out! Leo was in the beyond classic 1956 film "Moby Dick," and his character was known as Starbuck, which means that everything in his possession would be Starbuck's!!

Christopher Lee's character is known as Novak, and he is not only Johnny Solo's right hand man, he's also the MC at Johnny's strip club in Soho known as "The Pink Flamingo!" I wonder what was more eclectic in 1960, Soho, or New York's Greenwich Village?

Jayne Mansfield has the role of Midnight Franklin, Johnny Solo's main squeeze, and the top act in his club!! Johnny's nickname for her is 12 O'Clock!!

"Too Hot To Handle" could easily be considered a film noir musical! Jayne does 4 numbers, and there's a good portion of 4 or 5 of the other girl's acts! The guys in the audience are obviously impressed with Jayne's abundant talents! Va-Va-Voom!! Smoke 'em if you gottem!!

The Soho guys in this act are getting way overheated themselves! The too cool title song, "Too Hot To Handle" was written by Eric (FROZEN ALIVE) Spear, and Bill (DALEK'S INVASION EARTH: 2050 A.D.) McGuffie! Jayne also performs "You Were Made For Me," "Monsoon," and "Midnight!" So why would you change the title to "Playgirl After Dark" when the title song is obviously called "Too Hot To Handle?" Beats the Hell out of me!!

I'm thinking there was some kind of identity crisis in 1960 swingin' England!

Dirty Novak gets a little uptight when Sheldon (13 Demon Street) Lawrence as Diamonds Dielli, the owner of the club across the street named "The Diamond Horseshoe" shows up to talk a little turkey, since Novak is working all the angles and both sides of the street!!

A ransom note is then delivered to Johnny via hatchet mail, but after they make the delivery, the hoodlums find only a satchel full of Midnight's pictures, and no money!

Johnny Solo's got all kinds of class strippers in his joint!! Not as classy as in "The Monster And The Stripper," but class just the same, like this gal and her original 'maybe I'll get out of bed today' act!!

I don't think I need to explain the quantum phenomenon that breaks the conformal symmetry of the classical theory of this scene!

Midnight's act is quite interactive! I hope they kept a doctor on the premises or at least an ambulance out in the parking lot!!

Diamond's boys were pretty pissed off about the whole money switcheroo, and bust up Johnny and his place pretty bad!

But Johnny Solo's a tough old geezer, and if he gets the jump on you instead of vice versa, he's a got a pretty good right, and one mean bitch-slap of a left!

There's only one word to describe this scene, BUSTED!

And now you know where the term 'headlights' is derived from! Good lighting!!

Johnny was pretty cool for the most part, but sometimes he was a cold-hearted sumbitch, so after he basically pimps out one of his girls to one of his fine upstanding customers who turns out to be a psycho, everything goes into the toilet!

The jig is up, and Johnny Solo's gig is over!

Honestly, I didn't realize Jayne Mansfield was such a well-rounded actress! This is not the tale of some high-pitched ditzy blonde, but the story of one strong-willed woman in a sleazy environment! There's no actual nudity, but it's a very well made and risque film for it's time! As a final notation, let me just say that Director Terence Young went on to direct three of the best ever James Bond movies, "Dr. No," "From Russia With Love," and "Thunderball" and maybe that makes more sense!

Here's one last reminder of why they need to release this film in glorious Eastman colour!!!

TABONGA'S TOP 10 Fifties Monster Movies

It's time for something completely different with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!.. I made a list one time of the monster movies I saw at the theaters during the fifties, I think there were 66 of them, the first one was THE BEAST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS in 1953 that my parents took me to see at the age of five! So, here's a list of my favorite movies I saw when they came out, way back when...

No. 1, FORBIDDEN PLANET - What else?!.. Everything about this movie is top notch, mind blowing for an eight year old, my dad loved sci-fi and took me to see this one. It was all about Robby The Robot and the Id Monster!

No. 2, THE BLOB - I was only ten when my dad took me to see this one! I loved the theme song, still have the 45, but, when Steve sees the doctor covered in the blob through the window, I flipped out. I spent a lot of time in the lobby sitting on a lounge chair, twitching, while my dad kept watching to movie. You could smoke in the theater back then.

No. 3, THE FLY - Another one my dad took me to, I was ten again. This movie was very creepy, and, when the hood covering Al's hideous head is finally pulled off by his wife, well, I fainted! The hairy claw and that twitching fly face, a true terror classic! It's hard for me to watch this one now, it's so damn sad.

No. 4, KRONOS - I totally loved this wild one, it had all the good sci-fi stuff going on including that awesome destroyer of worlds! John Emery was perfect as the scientist taken over by the alien force.

No. 5, THE BLACK SCORPION - I saw a lot of movies with neighborhood kids on Saturday afternoons, we thought this one was great. The close-up of the hero monster growling and slobbering will never be forgotten! They actually turned up the volume for those scenes! I think we sat near the front for this one.

No. 6, TARANTULA! - The best giant spider movie, great process shots, great makeup! What I remember most was Leo G. Carroll in bed as the monster tears the house apart, his contorted face in the shadows!

No. 7, THE 7th VOYAGE OF SINBAD - Oh man, we loved this film so much, a real kid's favorite. It had everything a kid could want, we salute you Ray Harryhausen!!

No. 8, CURSE OF THE DEMON - This is one excellent British horror film, great story that involves magic runes and a giant devilish demon from Hell, and, it only comes out at night!!

No. 9, THE COLOSSUS OF NEW YORK - This was a great movie to see at the time, the Colossus was an amazing piece of work, dude was immense!

No. 10, THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN - Another excellent movie, but, what I remember the most was feeling lost and very depressed at the end, it's torturess to watch as Grant constantly goes from one bad situation to another!

FRACTURED FLICKERS - Fred Steiner (1963-64)

"Fractured Flickers" was one of our favourite half hour comedy shows that ran for 26 episodes in 1963-64 that pre-dated The Firesign Theatre and MST by years!

If I recall correctly, it would usually be on at about 6 PM, because it seemed like it was always about at dinner time, so we'd have to wolf down our food real fast in order tobe  able to watch it! The concept was simple, take an olde silent film, and add shameless dialogue by some of the most fantastic voice-over artistes of that or any era, and turn the whole thing into a laugh fest!

Hosted by the incredible actor Hans Conried, "Fractured Flickers" was nearly ineffable in it's ability to make us laugh, and was an inspiration for years!

The writing by Chris Hayward, Bill Scott, George Atkins, Jim Critchfield, Lloyd Turner, and Alan Burns had a no holds barred approach that would pick up your brain and body slam it to the floor, and leave you dazed and confused for days!!

Hans Conried will always be remembered for his roles In "The Twonky," and "The 5,000 Fingers Of Dr. T," and some of his cartoon voices are more than classic, such as Dr. Hook in Disney's "Peter Pan," Wally Walrus on "The Woody Woodpecker Show," or Snidely Whiplash on "Rocky And His Friends," and "The Dudley Do-Right Show!"

Every show also always had a guest interview spot that included some of the best of the day like the fabulous actress and comedienne Rose Marie, who believe it or not is still active today!

Otto Elmo Linkenheltin in the very first version of "Tarzan" that was ever made, was a made-to-order subject for this type of harpooning and lampooning!

Elmo was krazy enough looking without all the added dialogue! Would you look at the girth on that guy!

The theme music for "Fractured Flickers" was written by the super talented Fred Steiner, a man with some truly unbelievable credits for some TV shows you just might have heard of like "Twilight Zone," "Lost In Space," or "Star Trek!"

"Fractured Flickers" was so cool that even Fabian appeared in the hot seat on one episode!

"Fractured Flickers" is about as close as you'll ever get to seeing  a cartoon show that wasn't exactly animated!

Another killer guest was super funny guy, producer, writer, "My Son, The Folk Singer," "My Son, The Vampire," and one of my Mom's favourite comedians, Allen Sherman!!

"Fractured Flickers" was produced by the guys who knew what funny was really all about, Ponsonby (George Of The Jungle) Britt, Bill (The Bullwinkle Show) Scott, and ..........

.....Of course, none other than Jay Troplong Ward who brought us some of the best laughs of our life with "Crusader Rabbit," "Rocky And His Friends," "The Bullwinkle Show," "Hoppity Hooper," "Super Chicken," "George Of The Jungle," and "The Dudley Do-Right Show!"

Besides Hans Conried, the other voices were all done by a superlative cast that included Paul Frees, June Foray, and Bill Scott! Paul Frees has so many credits, it will make your head spin like Linda Blair in "The Exorcist! Here's just a short list, Barney Bear, Francis The Talking Mule, Go Go Gomez, Boris Badenov, Capt. Peachfuzz, Barney Google, and Ignatz Mouse! Paul also did voice-over in movies we love like "Deadly Mantis," "Beginning Of The End," "The Monolith Monsters," and "Spacemaster X-7!" What an incredible talent!!! Not to be outdone, June Foray was not only the voice of Rocket J. Squirrel and Natasha Fatale, she was also the voice of Betty Rubble, tons of Granny, Grandma, Grandmother, and other characters over the years! She was also the voice of the talking doll Talky Tina, in the "Twilight Zone" episode titled "Living Doll!" June Foray is still working today!! Last but never least, Bill Scott was the voice of Bullwinkle the Moose and Mr. Peabody, Dudley Do-Right, George of the Jungle, Tom Slick, and Super Chicken! What an incredible crew of talent! Simply amazing!!

The interview with Edward Everett Horton is one of my favourites! These two guys had more talent than half of Hollywood combined today!!

The whole series is available on disc from Netflix! "Fractured Flickers" was made to be seen once a week, and it's pretty hard to watch a bunch of them in a row because it beats you up so bad! A small price to pay, but it's really too bad it's not streaming!