FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE vs. MURDERERS' ROW

For this Super Saturday Spy Special I'm going to compare two movies that were both the second release in a series, "From Russia With Love" made in 1963, and "Murderer's Row" made in 1966! There will be 10 different reference points, and whoever gets the most points is the winner! It's gonna be that simple! I'm sure to catch some flack no matter which way it goes, so let's just get ready to rumble!!

"From Russia With Love" is soft and sensual, and not quite what you'd expect!

"Murderers' Row" is great Pop Art, but it is kind of brash and cartoony! First point goes to "From Russia With Love!"

02 Handsome Leading Man:

Unfortunately, nobody is better than Sean Connery as the character James Bond, he's smooth, he's suave, and he's got a license to kill!

Dean Martin as Matt Helm leads in the Swagger Department, but since "Murderers' Row" is obviously a comedy, Matt Helm is never given a chance to be taken seriously! James Bond wins this point!

03 First Distraction Of Sorts:

This provocative pose doesn't work on James Bond!

Circle wins the square, point for Matt Helm!

04 The Bad Guy:

Robert (A TOWN CALLED HELL) Shaw as Agent for SPECTRE Red Grant is one mean and ruthless character no doubt, but as tough as he is, he still seems vulnerable!

Tom Reese is a guy named freakin' Ironhead! Tom's had a long and outstanding career. He was in the "Twilight Zone" episode titled "The Intruder," and was the Sheriff in "Vanishing Point." At the end of the film, Ironhead gets picked up by a huge magnet! That's got to be a stainless steel plate in his head, otherwise it would get all rusty and infected, and any good metallurgist will tell you that stainless isn't magnetic, so that concept didn't work! Still, Ironhead is a bigger weirdo than Red Grant, another point for "Murderers' Row!"

05 Hottest Secretary:

Boy, this is getting really difficult! Lois Maxwell played the flirty Miss Moneypenny in 14 James Bond movies!

Beverly (HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI, TORTURE GARDEN) Adams played Lovey Kravezit in the first three Matt Helm Flicks! I've always had a thing for Miss Moneypenny, so this point goes to James Bond, although I do like Lovey's see through outfit with the strategically placed stripes!!

06 Cool Gadgetry:

Bond's got a briefcase that contains a folding rifle, ammunition, gold coins, and a throwing knife, and if you open it the wrong way, tear gas shoots in your face!

Matt Helm's issued a gun that after you pull the trigger, it takes 9 seconds to actually shoot, so when it gets into the hands of some bad guy, he usually ends up shooting himself, after fumbling around with it when it doesn't go off the first time! The gun wins this round!

07 Main Squeeze In A Nightie:

Miss Rome 1960, the classy Daniela Bianchi is Tatiana Romanova, the Russian Pawn! They had to dub Daniela's voice because her ultra strong Italian accent made her English almost indecipherable!

The always alluring Ann-Margret is the dancing machine Suzie! Her babydoll nightie and fuzzy slippers get the nod on this one!!

08 Most Colourful Costume:

Magnificent Martine (QUEEN OF EVIL, SISTER HYDE) Beswick as Zora on the left, and the amazing Aliza (AGENT FOR H.A.R.M., BEAST OF MOROCCO) Gur as Vida get ready for a good olde fashioned gypsy catfight!! It just so happens I have a cat named Zora!!

Ann-Margret's outfit in this scene is almost unbelievable, and screams out WTF!?? Pop Culture or not, Ann's outfit is just too much! I give this point to Martine and Aliza!!

09 Evil Overachiever:

Okay, here's the choices, poison shoed Lotte (SEMI-TOUGH) Lenya as psycho-bitch #3 Rosa Klebb....

....or Karl (13 RUE MADELEINE, PHANTOM OF THE RUE MORGUE, THE CAT O' NINE TAILS) Malden as the man who would rule the world, Julian Wall! My vote goes to Karl Malden! At least he didn't have to pretend to be a maid!

10 Extra Gratuitous Scantily Clad Women:

Oh, What the Hell, both of these stills are from "Murderer's Row!" So I guess that settles it, it was a close fight, but in the end, it was "Murderers' Row" by TKO in the last round!!

Just for the record, the music in both movies is great, and here's just a taste to whet your appetite!

"From Russian With Love" - Matt Munro

From "Murderer's Row" - Dino, Desi, and Billy

THE MYSTERIOUS MAGICIAN / Rialto Film Preben-Philipsen - 1964

Let's just put it this way... We dig Edgar Wallace the most, here at The Dungeon! These are a few things about him you might find interesting... He died at the age of 56 in 1932 in Hollywood during the production of KING KONG, he has had the greatest number of novels made into movies for a 20th century author, his son, Bryan, followed in his footsteps as a writer of thriller novels, in his heyday, his popularity as a writer was second only to Charles Dickens, his popularity exploded onto the screen and TV 30 years after his death, and, said this... An Academic is someone who has found something more interesting than sex!

Eegah!! has submitted a neat little soundclip for our auditory indulgence, showing how much fun you could have with a movie theme back in 1964! I love this craziness, soooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button there by the slobbering green Trigor, NOW, Rufus The Gnat! Here's the coolest theme around, enjoy... THE MYSTERIOUS MAGICIAN!

This flick has a submarine that transports dead bodies to a secret underground location!

The intricate story goes something like this.. The sister of a famous criminal named The Hexer is mysteriously murdered, that's her in the submarine. Inspector Higgins of Scotland Yard is called in, he thinks The Hexer will surface to take his revenge on the killers, and, he plans to set some traps to capture him. As the dead bodies start piling up, it looks like The Hexer will elude the police yet again! The masked Hexer is only exposed in the last suspenseful minutes of the film.

The great Joachim Fuchsberger plays the astute Inspector Higgins, here, being driven around town by his girlfriend in her convertible. Joachim is still working today!

The Inspector has been participating in some photographic extracurricular activities with his secretary! His girlfriend checks it out.

Heinz Drache plays Wesby, here, aparently looking for clues to the mystery. Heinz was also in HYPNOSIS, COFFIN FROM HONG KONG, PSYCHO-CIRCUS, THE BRIDES OF FU MANCHU and THE MONSTER OF BLACKWOOD CASTLE.

The Inspector is hot on The Hexer's trail!

But, ends up in this half dressed girl's apartment!

Then later, gets to enjoy the company of his girlfriend after her hot steamy shower... What a life, poor guy!

I saw a few German art films when I was stationed there in 1969, they ALL had peep-hole voyeurism going on!

Here's a good shot of the secret submarine lair.

And, here's another good shot of a secret submarine lair.

So then, you'll just have to track down this little thriller to enjoy all the wild action for yourself!

The original German poster..

BURNT OFFERINGS (1976) “The House Takes Care of Itself”

Greg Goodsell here -- since I recently covered a film I saw with my late father at the time of its release, ROLLERBALL, I will bookend this with a film I saw with my late mother at the time of its release, BURNT OFFERINGS! This film has quite a pedigree -- and all-star cast, and is directed by DAN CURTIS, the king of made-for-TV horror! They just remade his DARK SHADOWS for the big screen with Johnny Depp, and -- let's talk about something else...

Here we are introduced to the dazzlingly dysfunctional Rolf family! KAREN BLACK is Mom, Ken Russell favorite OLIVER REED is Dad, and repulsive child actor Lee Montgomery -- the one who befriended the rat in the movie BEN, which in turn led to an early hit for singer Michael Jackson, are motoring to their summer home! It’s the imposing, isolated Allardyce estate, that they’re to occupy for the summer. They’ve got the crumbling manse for a song, but as everyone knows, there’s always a very heavy price to pay –

Here is the still beautiful -- but rapidly decaying Allardyce estate. Mrs. Rolf is bound and determined to spruce the place up to its former glory, and she gets her wish. As we shall see…

BURGESS MEREDITH plays the flamingly flamboyant Arnold Allardyce, the wheelchair-bound son of the Allardyce clan! Meredith could overact with the best of them -- HURRY, SUNDOWN, OF MICE AND MEN, ROCKY, THE SENTINEL, TV’s Batman “The Penguin” -- the list extends out into infinity! He lived to the ripe old age of 90 and was in the GRUMPY OLD MEN movie series right up until he passed on!

And here is EILEEN HECKART as sis Roz Allardyce! Heckart, like Meredith has a list of acting credits several miles long! She tells the Rolfs that "the house takes care of itself" and part of the very reasonable summer rates is the family must look after old mother Allardyce, who never leaves her attic bedroom!

Here's something about Karen Black I bet you didn't know -- we courted Black for an interview with Screem magazine several years ago and she turned us down flat because we were a "horror" publication! Since she is a devout Scientologist, it is against her beliefs to appear in a film with supernatural overtones. She insists that HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES, TRILOGY OF TERROR and this film are "science-fiction" movies! Go figure! I guess her religion has given her much strength -- look at what it did for fellow Scientologist John Travolta recently!

-- and how could we forget BETTE DAVIS as the lovably dotty Aunt Elizabeth! This role for her was a stretch -- in lieu of being a malevolent Baby Jane or Nanny, Bette begins the film as a feisty little old lady who falls into dementia. Her downfall is truly tragic!

Mama Allardyce, forever unseen, works on her picture collection in secret. Cue one of the many similarities to THE SHINING. For your information, BURNT OFFERINGS was a book AND movie long before Kubrick and King tangled on that modern masterpiece.

The house's Olympic-sized swimming pool becomes a focus of dread pretty darn quick!

Here, the house begins to exert its psychic toll on poor Aunt Elizabeth, as she seemingly puts on 20 years in a matter of days!

Reliable character actor ANTHONY JAMES plays the ghastly chauffeur, the only really visible phantom in this “haunted house” story. This ghastly vision is fresh from Oliver Reed’s funeral for his mother he experienced as a child. While James has a resume a mile long, for the ultimate in James goodness, check out THE TEACHER (1974), an odd role for an actor usually cast as a bad guy in westerns – he plays a charmingly inept and hilarious serial killer!

GASP! It's the hearse and the evil chauffeur from Mr. Rolf's mother's funeral, rolling into the modern day!

Ask not for whom the bell tolls....

Oops! Someone left the gas on in junior's bedroom! Who did it? Aunt Elizabeth, have you been hitting the Nyquil again?

Poor Aunt Elizabeth is at death's door! A matter of days ago she was the prototypical little old lady in tennis shoes, and now she appears in the final throes of Alzheimer's! DEADLY SERIOUS NOTE: Sometimes it happens that way.

BURNT OFFERINGS relies totally on understatement, and little details that only the viewer can pick up. Karen Black has become a Stepford Wife with a vengeance, and has begun to make some very interesting wardrobe changes -- it will all make sense at the end.

We're running out of room, so let's just say that things go from bad to worse. Mr. Rolf becomes an abusive bully, Mrs. Rolf becomes a bubble-headed hausfrau and junior is continually underfoot, a victim in his parent's ongoing tug-of-war! But as the old song says, “Oz didn't give nothin' to the Tin Man that he didn't already have!”

Cue big shock conclusion -- Mrs. Bates, oops, Mrs. Allardyce? This flick does steal from the best.

Mr. Rolf has had enough! Goodbye, Allardyce estate!

AAAAAAAAhhhhh! My kindly mother turned her head from the movie screen at this point.

A very long movie at nearly two hours, BURNT OFFERINGS benefits from a less-is-more approach and lots of little atmospheric touches that the viewer must discover. It also holds a moral: beautiful homes harbor some drastically unhappy families!