Welcome to Friday Night Drive-In with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!.. Tonite's offering is an effective little story from the twisted mind of good old Herschell Gordon Lewis. I'm pretty sure I saw this one at a drive-in in '64, the only place that showed blood and gore at the time. Also, it stars Connie Mason, Playboy Magazine's Playmate of the Month, June 1963.
You can tell from this poster that it's going to be a bumpy ride for someone!
It's a simple story that goes like this... The citizens of Pleasant Valley lure six Yankee tourists off the highway and into their town, where they become reluctant guests for a centennial celebration of the day a band of renegade Union troops decimated their town! The tourists are forced to participate in some special events the mayor and his pals have cooked up for them, it's some real
southern-fried hospitality!..
The strange organ/guitar music is by Larry Wellington, also known for composing chills in THE GRUESOME TWOSOME, BLAST OFF GIRLS, SHE-DEVILS ON WHEELS, JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT and THE WIZARD OF GORE! The rebel bluegrass music is played by The Pleasant Valley Boys, my dad was a mandolin player and bluegrass freak.
Okay, luttuce now bring in our littlest Dungeon helper and button pusher, Rufus The Gnat! Rufus has buzzed in to do what he does on a Friday Night, that is, start our show. Push the big red 'GO' button there in front of you,
now, Rufus! Here's...
TWO THOUSAND MANIACS!
For true horror, there ain't nothin' scarier than somebloody like this, helping run the railroad! We all def-fa-nit-lee gonna haf' sum, err, U no...
FUN!!
Howdy, y'all!.. I'm Rick Perry and I wanna receed from the Union!!
WHEEEE!!!...........
All the townsfolk pretend to serenade the unsuspecting yankees, you know, the ones they can't wait to watch die in some über sadistic manner! You can see the sheer glee in their shining little mushes..
So, here's how it starts, they have a hot chick call hubby, she invites him to an event, to separate him from wifey...
Hubby leaves, so, Captain Slick calls wifey and invites her on a date! And, of course,
she's horny!!..
After they make out for awhile, Slick show her his big, sharp knife and then proceeds to slowly (and, painfully) cut her thumb off! Looks like this kind of stuff is just in a day's work for old Slick, I wonder what he does for a living?!
Back at the mayor's office, he tell's her that, well, Slick
told you not to move! The advice doesn't really help much.
Iz anybloody gonna
'ax' me whut I'm doin'?!..
There, that should make her stop cryin' about her stupid thumb!
Then, for this yankee, it's off to the races!!..
Yee-Haw!!!.. Oh, the South's gonna rise, again!!
Who in the Hell came up with this?!!.. These maniacs have
way too much time on their hands!! Would this method be considered enhanced interrogation?
Nothing tops this gag!! Hit that target with a baseball and the boulder falls onto the person tied up below! Simple, archaic, twisted, and, very effective at flattening things out. Especially them damn yankees!!
Now, I'll prove ta' everbloody that it don't hardly take no brains at all ta' hit that there target with this little old baseball, here,
watch!..
Boo-yah, y'all!!..
Tom and Terry barely make their getaway as some of the maniacs are hot on their trail.
Tom has to move a branch and dump the kid before they can finally burn rubber the Hell away from there!
Tom and Terry go to the Sheriff's Office first thing and tell their unbelievable story. So, the Sheriff takes them back to the spot and there's nothing there, just like he told them. I'll bet those other four yankees are really dead, though!
As kind of requested, and it is only fair as equal time, tonight we've got an episode of "The Addams Family" to present, and I tried to find one that had some special music in it, and ironically, it turned out to be season #1, episode #13 that was entitled "Lurch Learns To Dance!"
"The Munsters" and "The Addams Family" are from the same era, and the same basic concept of the monsteresque family sitcom is the same, but "The Munsters" was written specifically for TV, while "The Addams Family" had a longer history, and actually was based on one shot comic jokes by a wild cat named Charles Addams that appeared regularly in the upscale magazine 'The New Yorker' from 1938 to 1988 when he died! In 1964, the ABC-TV network created The Addams Family television series based on Addams's well known cartoon characters. It wasn't until 1964 that the family members actually received names. I swear I used to have a couple Charles Addams books laying around, but I can't seem to find them anymore. They might have just packed up and moved out on their own!
Ted Cassidy as Lurch is depressed because he's been invited to the annual "Butler's Ball" and he has one problem, he can't dance! If they checked for stitches, they might have found that he literally had two left feet! Ted Cassidy was six foot, and nine inches tall, and played one season of college hoop at Stetson University! He died way too young at the age of 46 in 1979!
The all too familiar music for "The Addams Fammily" was created by the well-known and extremely talented Vic Mizzy. As noted here in past posts, Vic did a lot of work with William Castle on films like "The Busy Body" and "The Spirit Is Willing" and the soon to be covered, "Night Walker," and his music always worked seamlessly with anything that had Don Knotts in it, like "The Ghost And Mr. Chicken," "The Reluctant Astronaut," or "The Shakiest Gun In The West!" The vocals on "The Addams Family" theme are three tracks sung by Vic himself and blended together to sound like a trio! What a guy!
Time for the dance lesson, and it's up to The Thing to get the music started!
The dance instructor was played by Penny Parker who also had the role of Poppy Herring in "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis."
When I was a kid, we used to see horned toads around here all the time, but you rarely see them any more. We used to call them horny toads, but then my Dad was going to build a Cathouse on the back porch too, but Mom said no!
Lurch could do one thing that Herman Munster could rarely do, and that was to actually look menacing!!
Little Wednesday Addams tries her hand at teaching Lurch to dance, but ballet doesn't quite seem to be his thing!
Gomez and Morticia look on in wonder! The casting of John Astin and Carolyn Jones was brilliant! Morticia's star shines so brightly, you have a tendency to forget some of Carolyn's other awesome roles in flicks like "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers," and Elvis's "King Creole!" She was also memorable as Marsha, the Queen of Diamonds on the "Batman" TV show! I didn't know til I was writing this that John Astin had a small uncredited role in "West Side Story" as 'Glad Hand!' John is also the only member of the original adult cast to still be alive!
Gomez Addams would have fared very well in today's financial market, he likes it when he loses money on his stock, so that he doesn't have to pay taxes on it!!
Finally Morticia steps in to show Lurch how to bust a move with "The Twist!" It's at this point we get to hear a bit more of Vic Mizzy's pop genius! "On with the dance!"
The rest of the family is less than sure! That's Lisa Loring as Wednesday Addams and Ken Weatherwax as Pugsley Addams! Lisa ended up with 13 career titles, but that included all 64 of "The Addams Family." She was married to porn star Paul David Siederman(Jerry Butler, not the singer) for a few years! Ken Weatherwax's whole career was as Pugsley, and later on he spent a lot of time building movie sets!
Now it's time for Gomez to teach Lurch to dance, and what else would Gomez be particularly talented at but The Tango!
Even with everybody trying to help him but Uncle Fester, and despite the wonderful costume he has, Lurch is still a lonely wallfower at the dance!
That is of course, until a strange and mysterious masked woman makes the scene, and Lurch and her put on an outstanding performance that brings the house down, and gets them a standing ovation!
You know the greatest thing about "The Addams Family" is that you can watch each and every stinking episode for free at places like "HULU" and if you can't take the commercials, try Netflix! Stay tuned for some titles coming up in the next few months that even I can't believe!!!
