Friday, August 26, 2011

TWO THOUSAND MANIACS! / Friedman-Lewis Productions - 1964

Welcome to Friday Night Drive-In with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!.. Tonite's offering is an effective little story from the twisted mind of good old Herschell Gordon Lewis. I'm pretty sure I saw this one at a drive-in in '64, the only place that showed blood and gore at the time. Also, it stars Connie Mason, Playboy Magazine's Playmate of the Month, June 1963.

You can tell from this poster that it's going to be a bumpy ride for someone!

It's a simple story that goes like this... The citizens of Pleasant Valley lure six Yankee tourists off the highway and into their town, where they become reluctant guests for a centennial celebration of the day a band of renegade Union troops decimated their town! The tourists are forced to participate in some special events the mayor and his pals have cooked up for them, it's some real southern-fried hospitality!..

The strange organ/guitar music is by Larry Wellington, also known for composing chills in THE GRUESOME TWOSOME, BLAST OFF GIRLS, SHE-DEVILS ON WHEELS, JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT and THE WIZARD OF GORE! The rebel bluegrass music is played by The Pleasant Valley Boys, my dad was a mandolin player and bluegrass freak.

Okay, luttuce now bring in our littlest Dungeon helper and button pusher, Rufus The Gnat! Rufus has buzzed in to do what he does on a Friday Night, that is, start our show. Push the big red 'GO' button there in front of you, now, Rufus! Here's... TWO THOUSAND MANIACS!

For true horror, there ain't nothin' scarier than somebloody like this, helping run the railroad! We all def-fa-nit-lee gonna haf' sum, err, U no... FUN!!

Howdy, y'all!.. I'm Rick Perry and I wanna receed from the Union!! WHEEEE!!!...........

All the townsfolk pretend to serenade the unsuspecting yankees, you know, the ones they can't wait to watch die in some über sadistic manner! You can see the sheer glee in their shining little mushes..

So, here's how it starts, they have a hot chick call hubby, she invites him to an event, to separate him from wifey...

Hubby leaves, so, Captain Slick calls wifey and invites her on a date! And, of course, she's horny!!..

After they make out for awhile, Slick show her his big, sharp knife and then proceeds to slowly (and, painfully) cut her thumb off! Looks like this kind of stuff is just in a day's work for old Slick, I wonder what he does for a living?!

Back at the mayor's office, he tell's her that, well, Slick told you not to move! The advice doesn't really help much.

Iz anybloody gonna 'ax' me whut I'm doin'?!..

There, that should make her stop cryin' about her stupid thumb!

Then, for this yankee, it's off to the races!!..

Yee-Haw!!!.. Oh, the South's gonna rise, again!!

Who in the Hell came up with this?!!.. These maniacs have way too much time on their hands!! Would this method be considered enhanced interrogation?

Nothing tops this gag!! Hit that target with a baseball and the boulder falls onto the person tied up below! Simple, archaic, twisted, and, very effective at flattening things out. Especially them damn yankees!!

Now, I'll prove ta' everbloody that it don't hardly take no brains at all ta' hit that there target with this little old baseball, here, watch!..

Boo-yah, y'all!!..

Tom and Terry barely make their getaway as some of the maniacs are hot on their trail.

Tom has to move a branch and dump the kid before they can finally burn rubber the Hell away from there!

Tom and Terry go to the Sheriff's Office first thing and tell their unbelievable story. So, the Sheriff takes them back to the spot and there's nothing there, just like he told them. I'll bet those other four yankees are really dead, though!

3 comments:

prof. grewbeard said...

like the Rick Perry joke. do you know what it's like having to share a state with that raging asshole?

TABONGA! said...

PG - Yeah, he's the prick that cut yer job!

Greg Goodsell said...

"You might be a redneck, IF ... you chop off a lady's arm after she calls you a hick!" In the new Herschell Gordon Lewis documentary, both Lewis and producer David F. Friedman revisit sunny St. Cloud, Florida, where this film was shot.

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