Saturday, January 29, 2011

TURIST ÖMER UZAY YOLUNDA aka "The Turkish Star Trek" (1973)

Well, the way things were going, Shock just wasn't working out, so with the line up we've got planned, I was going to change it to Silly Saturday, then I considered Schizoid Saturday, maybe Sardonic Saturday, or we could get really interactive and go for Suggestion Saturday, but I think I've settled on Sarcastic Saturday for a week or two!

It really doesn't matter much right now, because any kind of logic you try and use will be thrown out with the Saturday Suds when you're dealing with something like what we've got tonight! I was blind, and it took the wisdom of Professor Grewbeard to open my eyes, so I could see, and share it with you, so here you go...without further delay...it's the "Turkish Star Trek!"

"Turkish Star Trek," those are words that are just not meant to be used together, and make for an Experience I'm pretty sure even Jimi wouldn't have been ready for! Wow, man, what the F was that??

Okay, let's roll, here's Erol Amaç as the notorious Mr. Spak!! Well, it's kinda close, at least he can lift one eyebrow!

Cemil Sahbaz is Kaptan Kirk!

The theme music in "Turist Ömer Uzay Yolunda" is uncredited, and in typical form, is an over modulated ripoff of the "Star Trek" theme with a big chunk of The Marketts' "Out Of Limits" sloppily injected into the middle of it! What a pack of cards!!

In typical fashion, the boys beam down to some enigmatic planet, replete with a mad scientist, and an army of android robots wearing nothing but faux animal fur briefs!

Pretty cool place to shoot a movie for probably nothing!

Most people agree that the plot seems to be based on the "Man-Trap" episode of "Star Trek!"

In order to add some local colour, they write the whole story around Sadri Alisik as the ever annoying Turist Ömer in the title! Check out Ömer's best man, he's holding Ömer at gunpoint!! Ömer's bride must be his sister! This would be the 8th movie Sadri Alisik would make as the character Ömer The Turist, finishing up a run that started in 1964 with, what else but "Ömer the Tourist!"

Right about the time he was about to take the vow, Ömer is saved from the shotgun wedding by being mysteriously whisked away into this "Star Trek" episode, and on to the same planet as the crew, where he is immediately picked up by one of the Androids!

A big scary monster attacks Kaptan Kirk!!!

The main story line centers around a changeling monster that sucks in more than one way! The creature goes from taking over one human form to the next, so they never know which person he's in, except if they would notice, every time he takes over somebody, that person starts fiddling with and sucking their hands a lot! The creature craves salt!! Right now the creature is inside Ferdi Merter, as Doktor McCoy! Unlike a lot of the others, Ferdi continued working, and was in 23 episodes of the Turkish TV show, "Aci Hayat" as Sefa Kervancioglu in 2005-06!

Sabotage is afoot and Ömer is transfixed by the phantom girl of his dreams!!

Mr. Spak too is taken in by the ruse, and falls in love instantly with his own personal type of Turkish Vulcan dream girl!!

Kaptan Kirk can't get through Dr. Spak's thick skull what the heck is going on, so a battle between to two men ensues, because Spak really wants this gal!!

Mr. Spak attempts to deliver the final blow!!

Take that, Mofo!!

After they snap out of it, a ferocious battle takes place between the guys and the android army!

In classic form, Ömer saves the day!!!

And of course, the mad scientist is stopped dead in his tracks!!

The salt sucking monster is finally exposed in it's true body form, and viciously attacks Kaptan Kirk!!

After it all gets sorted out, they return Ömer back to where he came from.....

......and The Enterprise and it's krew shove off back into space with a bunch of smug looks on their face because they all know how cool they are!!

Friday, January 28, 2011

--AND NOW THE SCREAMING STARTS! / Amicus - 1973

Welcome everbloody to Friday Frights wif' Tabonga, here at The Dungeon! Tonite we have another Amicus production, this one from 1973. It's a strange little perverted thriller that even has Peter Cushing, Herbert Lom, Guy Rolfe and Patrick MaGee in it! Amicus was trying to keep up with the racier movies starting to be produced at that time, this is one of those results. It's directed by Roy Ward Baker (FIVE MILLION YEARS TO EARTH) and has some really great interiors and exteriors!

The story's simple, it's 1795 England, Catherine is engaged to be married to Charles Fengriffen, so, they move into his country castle. Once there, she becomes the victim of an old family curse. On her wedding night, she's raped by the ghost of the curse!

The classy music is by Douglas Gamley, Doug also composed for PARADISE LAGOON, PORTRAIT OF A SINNER, THE CITY OF THE DEAD, THE HORROR OF IT ALL, THE RETURN OF MR. MOTO (1965), THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT and THE MONSTER CLUB.

It's time to bring in that lil' button pushin' maniac, and pal, Ralphie The Tarantula! Ralphie's assignment tonite is to push that big red 'GO' button right over there, catty corner from the nook! Hit that button, Ralphie!.. AND, NOW THE SCREAMING STARTS!

Thing's are a little creepy, but cool so far for Catherine in her new home...

But, this happens!

Then, that!... WTF!!

Darling, you need to try and relax!..

This make up job really highlights what Amicus was up to at the time with this and other similiar productions... FREAKY SHOCK!

Catherine discovers her happy place!

The maid sees this in the painting and breaks her neck after falling backwards down the stairs!

Sir, I don't like strange men staring at my breasts!

Catherine likes to get in the mood by looking at pornography.

Hey look, it's Larch Zeppelin!

Herbert Lom, as grandfather Henry, in flashback, is the biggest SOB you'll see anywhere. And, why? He's freakin' rich and can do whatever the Hell he wants! So, after he rapes the guy's girl and chops his hand off, he inherits the curse!

Charles is so distraught over being caught up in the whole ordeal, he keeps the curse going by murdering the ancestor of the man who put the curse on them.

Then, he pays his grandfather's crypt a visit!

Charles then goes nuts and whacks his grandfather's crusty old skeleton against the stone wall of the tomb, over, and over, and over!!

Peter, who plays a doctor, brings Catherine's new baby to her after the birth is over, for her to inspect. Besides a red birthmark on it's face, it's also missing it's right hand!

Ghoulnight Everbloody!!.. Tune in tomorrow for Saturday Shock with Eegah!!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Welcome to THE HOUSE OF TERROR!!

How's this for wacky? Since starting this site almost four years ago, we've had close contact with 13 Frightened Girls, 13Ghosts, 2 On A Guillotine, and 12 To The Moon!

We've experienced the spectral wonders of Ghost Catchers, Ghosts Gone Gear, Ghosts From Dragstrip Hollow and Hanley House, not to mention the Ghosts On Patrol, and On The Loose!!

We've made contact with Beasts from 20,000 Fathoms, Haunted Caves, Hollow Mountains, Yellow Nights, Yucca Flats, Morocco, and with A Million Eyes!

We've seen Terror from The Haunted House, Beneath The Sea, In The Midnight Sun, and in The Year 5000!

And we've heard a lot of great music along the way, from Thriller, Spy and Surf movies too, like this rockin' tune from "Bikini Beach," "Gotcha Where I Wantcha" by Candy Johnson and The Exciters, one of my favourite musical numbers from any kind of movie!

We've been Cursed by Frankenstein, Faceless Men, The Fly, The Headless Horseman, The Werewolf, The Stone Hand, The Swamp Creature, The Snake Woman, The Voodoo, and The Mummy's Tomb!!

We've had good days, and bad days, there was The Day The Earth Caught Fire, and The Day The Sky Exploded, and finally, The Day The World Ended, but even that didn't stop us!

We've seen Frankenstein in 1910, 1970, and 80, and we've seen him Conquer The World, and Meet The Space Monster! And if that wasn't enough, we've also seen Frankenstein's Castle Of Freaks, his Bloody Terror, his Island, and his met his Daughter!

We've been assaulted by Creatures From The Haunted Sea, and The Black Lagoon, and Creatures with Blue Hands and Atom Brains!

We've been subjected to Attacks of 50 Foot Women, Crab Monsters, Giant Leeches, Puppet People, Mushroom People, and Robots!

We've witnessed Santo and Blue Demon fending off attacks from Monsters, Black Magic, Cerebro Del Mal, Dr Muerte, Diabolicus, and Las Invasoras!

We've witnessed the marriage to Brides of Blood, Dracula, The Gorilla, Fu Manchu, and The Monster!

We've ridden the Horror Express, stayed at the Horror Hotel and the Horror House On Highway Five, got down at the Horror Of Party Beach, and been generally horrified by Spider Island, Zombies, Blood Monsters, and Black Museums, and for what?

It's been one Helluva struggle all the way, but we do it all for you!!

Monster Music

Monster Music
AAARRGGHHH!!!! Ya'll Come On Back Now, Y'Hear??