Saturday, July 9, 2011

TWINS OF EVIL - Harry Robertson - "Twofer One Special" (1971)

You got lucky this time because No, "Twins Of Evil" is not about Tabonga! and Eegah!! The title is a bit of a misnomer because although the film is about twins, basically really only one is evil!

All the guys who live in this town need to get a life or find a hobby because right now they spend all their time getting together and burning young innocent girls at the stake who they are convinced are evil, when it ain't necessarily so! This is why guys today play golf and join fraternal institutions of brotherhood like The Lions or The Rotary Club!

This time around Peter Cushing is Brother Gustav Weil, the leader of the gang! Gustav has got some real issues, and is a bit overzealous in his pursuit of destroying all the evil in the world, one woman at a time!! If Gustav's life isn't miserable enough already, it's just getting ready to get worse!!

Gustav's recently orphaned twin nieces have just arrived at his cottage to live with him, and it creates problems on multiple levels! Let's just say to start with, Gustav is frantic just with the fact that they are not wearing black! Playboy centerfolds from the October 1970 issue Mary and Madeleine Collinson, were the first twin playmates! Frieda Gellhorn is played by Madelaine and her equally lovely sister Maria Gellhorn is played by Mary Collinson!! These sisters are so cute that it falls into the 'Evil? Who Cares?' department!

Meanwhile, over on the other side of town, we've got a completely different pageant of unholy behavior happening at the castle of the local freak Count Karnstein! Damien Thomas is Count Karnstein! Damien has been working steady for years and was in a film released this year called "Grave Tales."

Count Karnstein has accidently just revived the spirit of vampiress Countess Mircalla through the miracle of human sacrifice!

With Mircalla's assistance, Count Karnstein has been reborn, and is now among the legions of the undead!

Kathleen Byron has the role of Gustav's poor wife, Katy Weil! Kathleen did a ton of British TV, was an angel in a 1946 film titled "Stairway To Heaven," and was also in "Black Narcissus," "Hell Is Sold Out," and "Burn, Witch, Burn!"

We normally sidestep nudity, but this photo has almost Mona Lisa like qualities, and by applying contemporary community standards, is not deemed by me to be obscene! Besides it's just one out of four!

Frieda is drawn to the light of Count Karnstein's castle like a fly to a spider's web and will soon be ensnared in his booby trap of abomination!

So who are the real "Twins Of Evil?" Is it really the two beautiful young sisters, or is it actually the two bozoheaded bastards Gustav Weil and Count Karnstein?

"Twins Of Evil" is a fine lookin' film and I'm sure it has a lot to do with the work of the Director Of Photography, the man whose parents must have had a good sense of humour, Dick Bush!

The music in this film was composed by Harry Robertson or Harry Robinson, with a lot of help from one of the busiest guys to ever run a music department, Phillip Martell! Harry Robertson has 59 credits including "The Oblong Box," "The Johnstown Monster," "Countess Dracula," and "Legend Of The Werewolf!" Phillip Martell has 162 credits working as music supervisor, conductor or musical director that include almost every picture ever made by Hammer Studios. The list is almost endless with titles like "Frankenstein Created Woman," The Deadly Bees," "Five Million Years To Earth," "Dracula Has Risen From The Grave," "Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed" and on and on and on! Phillip was THE man!!!

The Collinson sisters do a fantastic job!! It's always refreshing to see some different faces on the screen, and it makes the film just that much more appealing!!

It shouldn't come as no surprise that Peter Cushing, besides being one of the most amazing actors of all time, was also an accomplished artist in drawing and painting, and his hobby was bird watching!

The Collinson sisters left their mark on the neck of the world! These days Mary lives in Milan, Italy, and Madeleine resides in Malta with their respective families! Thanx to our friends over at the RETroZONe, you can see what all the original hubbub was about right HERE!!

Waiting in between incinerations and bored to tears, the rest of the boys in the band sit around and wait for the Next episode of "SpongeBob" to come on!!!

You know, as bad as Count Karnstein looks and feels right here, I'm certain that if he could talk, he would tell you it was all very much worth it!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

FRANKENSTEIN CREATED WOMAN - James Bernard - "The Ugliest Angel Of Them All" (1967)

There's been a nifty ongoing article in the last couple of SCREEM magazines written by Joe Wawrzyniak called "Naked Terror: Playboy Playmates In Horror Films." The first issue was the 60's, the last one was the 70's, and the 80's are coming up in SCREEM #23. Anyway, it's really quite an imposing list, and I noticed there were a couple of films we haven't got around to yet, so let's get started with the 1967 Hammer feature "Frankenstein Created Woman!"

The music for "Frankenstein Created Woman" was created by Hammer workhorse James Bernard! Just go ahead and type James Bernard into our search engine, and be amazed at the array of titles attributed to the man! By contrast to many other composers, James only has 38 film titles to his name, but almost every one of them is a horror story!

These scientists have a different work ethic from what we're normally used to!

Christopher Lee is completely stoned throughout the whole movie and doesn't get one of his lines straight! No, that's not right, Peter Cushing is Baron Frankenstein, and he's just been brought back from the dead in an attempt to prove that the soul lives on for a while even after the physical body is dead, or as James Brown would say in 1970, "Soul Power!"

Playmate of the month August 1966 was a striking gal named Susan Denberg, and here she is cast in the role of Christina, the local innkeeper's scarred and disfigured daughter!

Let's back up a little bit, at the beginning of the film, a madman is executed via the guillotine, an event that was witnessed by his son! That son is now fully grown and is Baron Frankenstein's assistant Hans. Hans has gone to the local pub to acquire some wine to celebrate the Baron's latest accomplishments when the local rich kid hooligans drop by the inn to see what kind of trouble they can stir up! They are especially fond of making fun of the innkeeper's daughter, since she is such an easy target! The three assholes would be the ones with the top hats on!

The number one jerk is Peter"Cucumber Castle"Blythe as Anton, and he wants Christina to serve them because she also has a limp, and the bastards find it all very entertaining! Hans is hopelessly in love with Christina so you can probably figure where this is going!

So, Hows about a knuckle sandwich to go with that glass of whine, Anton??

Basically, what Hans says is C'mon mofo, I'd like you to meet my best friend, and your worst enemy!!

When the local constabulary arrives, it's a given that Hans is a little bit out of his nut, but the way they see it is, how wrong could he be, when it was one guy against three!!!

Christina's look to cover her scar is vintage, my personal fave, Veronica Lake! Hans was played by Robert Morris, who you probably remember from his role as Jerry Watson, in "Quatermass and the Pit!"

The Dumb F Trio return to serenade Christina from outside her bedroom window, not knowing Hans is in the sack with her!

Meanwhile, back in the lab, Baron Frankenstein and his assistant Thorley Walters as Dr. Hertz continue to work on soul extraction theory! Thorley played Dr. Watson in 4 separate Sherlock Holmes films and was also in the 1962 "Phantom Of The Opera," "Dracula, Prince Of Darkenss," and "Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed" just to name a few!

The Circle Jerk Three return to the inn to help themselves to some free booze, and when the owner shows up, they beat him to death!

Of course, Hans gets blamed for the ghastly murder, and after a quick trial, he's escorted to to the same guillotine that was used to execute his father!

Christina witnesses the execution just as Hans did, and immediately goes and throws herself off a bridge and drowns! Say what you will, but I think Susan puts in a very convincing and powerful performance!

Baron Frankenstein seizes the moment and decides it's the perfect opportunity to try out his latest experiment, a soul transplant!

What a proud Poppy!!

After Christina's return to life treatment, she's a completely different looking woman! Finally Hans and her are one, but not the way anybody expected!

At this particular fixed moment in time, Susan Denberg was possibly the most beautiful woman on the planet, or at the least, perfection personified!!!

The rest of the film is about Hans and Christina taking care of some business they needed to catch up on, starting with stooge #1 Anton!

The #2 dude thought he was going to get to meet some cleavage, not meat cleaver!!

Christina packed a little extra something special in the picnic basket for moron #3!

Don't worry Doc, they all had it coming, and you didn't actually kill anybody yourself, so don't worry, but, then again, you are going to have some explaining to do!!

Coming up on Saturday, the two for one special!

Monster Music

Monster Music
AAARRGGHHH!!!! Ya'll Come On Back Now, Y'Hear??