THE BOY AND THE PIRATES / Bert I. Gordon Productions - 1960

It's Mr. B.I.G. Friday with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!. Here's a movie Bert (who's 92 years old now) did between the EARTH vs. THE SPIDER and TORMENTED productions. The moniker Mr. B.I.G. was given to Bert by The Dungeon's own guardian angel and our mentor, who else... Forry Ackerman, who also coined the popular phrase... Sci-Fi!

Eegah!! sent over a sound clip of the theme and more for our earjoyment, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button over by the atomic genie bottle, NOW, Rufus The Gnat!.. Here's a taste of... THE BOY AND THE PIRATES!

Charles Herbert plays Jimmy Warren, he finds an old bottle with a mischievous genie inside! Charles racked up 64 acting credits before hanging it up in 1968 at age 20, but, was in these classic horror flicks... THE MONSTER THAT CHALLENGED THE WORLD, THE COLOSSUS OF NEW YORK, THE FLY and 13 GHOSTS! Charles was also born the in same year as Eegah!! and me.

Timothy (HEAD) Carey plays cut throat henchman Morgan, Murvyn (VOODOO ISLAND) Vye is the infamous pirate Blackbeard. They're trying to figure out what to do with the odd looking kid that just happened to show up out of nowhere! The genie in the bottle has sent Jimmy back to the days of pirates by twisting his wish.

Rather than feeding Jimmy to the sharks, which was the plan, one of Bluebeard's men talks him into letting the boy do a number of chores on the ship.

When you're a pirate, the only reason for living is that good old booty plunder!

Bluebeard is now in possession of the genie's bottle, so, the genie plays some pranks on him. Here, he changes the contents of his liquor keg into milk!

After Bluebeard's men attack and destroy another ship sailing close to them, they find Susan (ATTACK OF THE PUPPET PEOPLE) Gordon, who plays Katrina, onboard and make her part of their cut throat crew.

This part is fairly intense... Morgan is trying to get some information about the genie out of Jimmy and threatens to subject him to the classic hot poker routine. Bert knew what he was doing when he hired Tim for this part!

There are more battles on the sea, this time though, Bluebeard and pals don't fare so well and Katrina nearly gets blown to Hell!

Bluebeard finds out that Morgan plans on a mutiny, so, fires a slug into his putrid gut! Also, the genie causes a volcanic mountain to rise out of the sea, making it possible for Jimmy, Katrina and their pirate pal to escape in a small row boat after Jimmy recovered the genie's bottle back from Bluebeard.

But, they are pursued by Bluebeard and his henchmen to an island where the pirates finally catch up with them.

Jimmy throws the bottle and hits Bluebeard with it, there's an explosion and everything is back to the present. Katrina is now Kathy and Jimmy has a small souvenir on him from the adventure, to assure that the whole thing was not just a dream! If you'll notice, EVERY movie with this type of ending ALWAYS has to have a piece of evidence to assure the victim and viewer of the validity of the movie... Hell, they even used it in FRANKENSTEIN ISLAND!!

Tune in tomorrow when Eegah!! will have something wild 'n' weird from 1967 Turkey for us!

REMO WILLIAMS: THE ADVENTURE BEGINS - Tommy Shaw - "Unarmed And Dangerous" (1985)

One good thing about being a Neanderthal, nobody expects you to justify anything, and tonight's feature is a case in point! Welcome to Weirdass Wendesday down in The Dungeon!

 I don't normally venture off into the 80's, I usually leave that up to Tabonga, but I'm making an exception tonight! Upon recommendation from a reader and frequent commenter named Grant, I just started reading "Created The Destroyer" by Warren Murphy and Richard Sapir this last weekend while on a 6 hour road trip, so after getting about a quarter of the way through the book, I thought it would be interesting to see what the movie was like! Wow! I wasn't ready for this!

 Fred (THE RIGHT STUFF) Ward is Remo Williams! In the book, he goes to the electric chair for a murder he didn't commit, and in the movie he gets pushed off the end of a pier and drowns! It seemed to me that the only thing the book and the movie had in common was the name of Remo Williams, period!

He thought he was dead, and when he is revived, he no longer officially exists or looks the same!

Wilford (The Thing) Brimley is Harold Smith, one of three guys who know what's going on! Wilford got a comparatively late start in the movies, he didn't step in front of the camera for the first time until he was 35 in "True Grit!" A good thing about writing about 80's movies instead of 60's movies is that a lot more people involved are still alive, even the old ones!

Joel (Cabaret) Grey is the Master Chiun, Remo Williams' teacher, and according to the book, I don't think he'd like this movie at all! I would rather imagine that Joel Grey was chosen for this role because as a dancer he has the ability to move like a cat!

Kate Mulgrew has the role of Major Rayner Fleming, the closest thing there is to a love interest in this film! Rayner? Really? Kate is currently riding high in her colourful role as Red on "Orange Is The New Black!"

The vigorous and endless training of Remo Williams goes on and on! You really get the feeling that they expected this to turn into a whole series of films, so they wanted to get all the groundwork in place once and for all and move on! The Ferris Wheel sequence is not for anybody with the slightest case of acrophobia or even a rational fear of heights!!

While at Coney Island Chiun wins a stuffed animal by throwing rings onto the necks of Coke bottles! He makes sure to let Remo know that he won it, and that it's his! I give this movie credit for that much, it does have some funny moments!

More good stuff! Chiun likes to relax by watching soap operas on TV! Something that he considers the only TRUE art form in America! Remo doesn't get it!

Chiun has had Remo on a strict diet consisting mostly of rice! When Remo brings home some canned food, Chiun tells him that it would be healthier to eat the can than the contents!

J.A. (Body Heat) Preston has the role of Conn MacCleary, the third cog in the gear box that is the organization! Conn asks Chiun when he thinks Remo Williams will be ready, and Chiun tells him that he's finally making some progress, maybe 15 years!

Remo thought this jerk was just some rude ass on the streets of New York, but as it turns out, he is the associate of the guy that Remo needs to take out, and this whole incident is going to make him very angry!

Talk about your basic case of severe decadent opulence!

To help him fight his fear of heights, Chiun takes Remo to the site of the Statue of Liberty that just happens to be getting a badly needed facelift! Unfortunately, this just turns into an excellent opportunity for the opposing forces to try and put Remo out of commission forever!

 Now this is a cool shot! I expected Batman to show up at any given second! This is also a good place to tell you that Remo's theme song was written and performed by Tommy Shaw of Styx fame and good fortune, and boy does it sound like it! Here's just a taste of what you're in for!

 I'm giving a big thumbs up to the guys in the 'Explosives' department on this movie!

In the 'Bad Karma Department,' what happens to this guy could have been a lot worse!

 Mucho macho impotent olde farts like big guns!!!

"Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins" but unfortunately it never continued! It was bad, it was stupid, but I would have been up for another round! If you want to check it out for yourself, I don't get it, but it streams for free on YouTube! I can't figure these things out, maybe you can! One thing though, "Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins" is over two hours long, you might want to take a day off from work! Personally, I'm going to go back and finish reading the book!

THE SECRET ADVENTURES OF TOM THUMB / BBC Bristol - 1993

It's Time For Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!.. A pal of mine sent me this wild 'n' weird little flick to check out, so, here it is for all of us to enjoy! It has an ERASERHEAD feel to it and is filled with some very interesting creatures and characters, using stop motion animation.

At the start, you get a glimpse of this artificial inseminoid serum in a big flask...

It's added to both male and female hormones, then zapped with an electric charge!... Viola!

Eegah!! sent over a nice little sound clip for our earjoyment, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button located there next to the giant thumb, NOW, Rufus The Gnat!.. Here's a taste of... THE SECRET ADVENTURES OF TOM THUMB!

Pa and Ma Thumb give thanks for their blessed event, the addition of little Tom to the family.

Tom is kidnapped and ends up in a genetic lab (like Plum Island) where he wanders around inspecting all the amazing machines and equipment therein.

Everywhere you look, poor animals and things are being tortured and experimented on if only to satisfy the craven needs of the ones responsible for the abominations.

Tom doesn't really know what to make of it all... He just knows, it ain't right!

The boogie man shows up in the form of a doctor from Hell! The dude's wearing his gear and mask because he's not about to contract any of the crap he's spreading in the lab, no way, heaven forbid!!

Tom barely escapes down a drain and ends up in a world of curious little people,

A giant comes stomping his way through the mini town and crushes houses and little ones!

Pa Thumb shows up in a vision to remind Tom that he needs to make his way back home.

Tom and his little warrior friend search out the machine that controls everything, then, the friend breaks and disables the controlling element...

Tom is now back with his parents as a normal child and the moment is filled with the strongest force in the universe... LOVE! Tune in Wednesday when Eegah!! has yet another weird flick for us to check out!