TEENAGE CAVE MAN / Malibu Productions - 1958

Welcome to Monster Monday with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!.. Our offering tonite is one unbelievable 65 minute flick that had the working title of PREHISTORIC WORLD!

Roger Corman is a weirdo!! I guess if I had to describe this movie, I'd say it's a Mickey Mouse Frankenstein Monster! Man, that guy could get away with murder... And, he'd just turn right back around and do it again!! Get this, Corman denies that he ever directed a film called TEENAGE CAVE MAN! An alternate title is I WAS A TEENAGE CAVEMAN.

And, a voice said... "Let there be light!"

The animals were created and they were fruitful... And, multiplied!

The music is by, who else, Albert Glasser! You can definitely identify some of his familiar imposing musical strains in the soundclip. We love Albert here at The Dungeon, he's responsible for scaring our pants off in flicks like PORT SINISTER, BEGINNING OF THE END, THE CYCLOPS, THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN, WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST, EARTH vs THE SPIDER and MONSTER FROM GREEN HELL!

The atomic clock on the wall sez it's time to bring in our fuzzy lil' Dungeon helper and button pusher, Ralphie The Tarantula! He's joined us here for one reason, yes, to start our Eariffic Soundclip! Push the big red 'GO' button, now, Ralphie! Here's... TEENAGE CAVEMAN!

Good old Bronson Canyon!..

Son, mom said to tell you that you need to take out the trash...

Tell mom, I don't wanna!..

Nice cut from another movie, Roger!.. You're a real genius!.. You and Jerry!

You can tell that the boys really are not enjoying their little trek through the swamp water at the arboritum! Beautiful shot, though!

Robert Vaughn tells the other teens a joke to liven their spirits! There's Jonathan Haze and Beach Dickerson. In an interview, Robert said this was the worst movie he'd ever been in!

How ta meat'cha!!..

Beach Dickerson's character is killed off early (cavemen can't swim) because he also has to play the stranger riding in from the burning plains, the bear that attacks the hunting party, and even the drummer during a funeral for his own character here! Incidently, Beach made the monster for CREATURE FROM THE HAUNTED SEA. Whoa, this just popped into my head, I wonder if he reused the monster prop from PHANTOM FROM 10,000 LEAGUES to create his? Interesting...

Everbloody assembles on the mountainside to greet the returning teenagers as they bring back their dead classmate.

Oh... She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes...
She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes...
She'll be comin' round the mountain...

She'll be...

What the Hell!!..

Having to play the fruiti-flute was probably the main reason that Robert detested this flick. It would be mine!

When the shaman's forced to reveal the proof of the word, this is what they find!

Ready for this?!.. Here's Ed Nelson as one of the blondies. Check out the stylish headband he got at the local head shop! All he's missing is shades!!

You better stick 'em up mister monster, or else I'll shoot you with my little bow and arrow, I will!

Robert tries to make friends with the odd looking thing, but, caveman Frank DeKova drops a 60 lb. rock on it's skull! What I want to know is, how in the heck did he get that thing up there??!!..

The head comes off to reveal an old, old man was inside the costume. Before he dies, he hands them a book he's kept in his possession.

It shows pictures of a different, modern looking world.

This is one tired old monster suit. First, it was CURUCU, BEAST OF THE AMAZON, then it was the BLOOD BEAST FROM OUTER SPACE, and finally... This!

My dad took me to see CURUCU in '56!

The last thing he tells them is that man had created weapons that had destroyed the world and man reverted back to cavemen again!..

There's even a shot of THE SHE-CREATURE as a mutant being created by radiation from the destruction. Paul Blaisdell will live forever!!

AGENT FOR H.A.R.M. - Gene Kauer/Douglas M. Lackey "Knock It Off" (1966)

I spent three years trying to find a copy of "Agent For H.A.R.M.", without any luck, and I finally only succeeded by selling my soul to The Devil, so I hope you can appreciate the fact that I'm going to spend eternity in Hell just so I could tell you about this movie, but the way I see it, it was worth it!! Why people slam this movie, I have no idea, and I'm here to set the record straight! "Agent For H.A.R.M," that's the Human Aetiological Relations "badass" Machine!

Joseph F. Robertson! You've been seeing that name around here lately, and here's two reasons why, "The Crawling Hand," and "The Slime People!" "Agent For H.A.R.M." would be the third film in the trilogy before Joseph starting making porn films using the name Adele Robbins. Joseph was a smart man, he went where he knew the money was going to be, and can you blame him?

I guess I'll just start at the beginning! This is Mark Richman as super cool secret agent Adam Chance!! Mark is still working hard today, and now goes by Peter Mark Richman for spiritual reasons! Before he became an actor, he was a football player and a pharmacist, the perfect background to play a spy of this magnitude!!

This is Carl Esmond as Professor Jan Stefánik, a man with some serious issues! Carl was an incredibly talented actor with some 89 credits to his name, and some good genes too, having lived to 102 years of age! Can you believe the next project he worked on after "Agent For H.A.R.M." was an episode of "The Man From U.N.C.L.E.!" Amazing!

The unmistakable Wendell Corey has the role of Jim Graff, Adam Chase's boss! Wendell was all over TV in the 50's and 60's, and besides this film was also in two other classics, "Cyborg 2087," and "The Astro-Zombies." "Astro-Zombies" producer Ted V. Mikels was also one of the cinematographers on this film!

The gorgeous Playboy Playmate of the Year for 1964 Donna Michelle has the role of Jim Graff's secretary Marian!!

Besides an awesome array of talent, a killer storyline, and an outta-sight Soundtrack, "Agent For H.A.R.M." is also filled with high tech gadgetry like this portable record player that also converts into a means of two-way clandestine communication!

The pounding soundtrack was created by the dynamic duo of Gene Kauer and Douglas M. Lackey. Gene Kauer composed the music for some amazing titles like "The Astounding She-Monster," "The Cape Canaveral Monsters," and "The Beast Of Yucca Flats," and his buddy Douglas, while working in the music department on films like "Roller Boogie," "The Last Horror Film," and "Army Of Darkness" all the way until 2009, also composed for some 22 movies like "Swamp Girl," and "Claws!"

Yeecchh!! This is what's left of a guy named Manson! Bottom line in this movie, you don't want to get any of this spore shit on you, and Professor Stefánik has created a gun that shoots the stuff, so don't get too close to the screen!!

So what does Martin "The Flesh Eaters" Kosleck want with this stuff? Are they planning on bombing America with spore bombs? No, it's even more devious than that! They plan on getting crop dusters, and spraying the crap innocuously on some American farm crops, and feeding it wholesale to it's citizens!! Martin was in so many movies, "The Mummy's Curse, "The Frozen Ghost," "House Of Horrors," "She-Wolf Of London" etc, and he was Professor Charm on the"Batman" TV show!

I didn't know he was old enough to be in a movie from the 60's, but bigger than shit, here's Prince as one the evil henchmen!!

Barbara Bouchét is the lovely, but quite deadly Ava Vestok!

"Doctor, Knock it off, it's me Adam!"

One of the cool things about 1966 was you could just stencil some words on the side of a van, and nobody would question whether you had an established business or not! Hey, looks pretty official to me!

Better watch out boys, Adam Chance is hiding in the back with the dirty laundry!

Sorry pal, you're too shallow to look that deep! Yeah, sure you guys are safe, he's not following you, he's in the back of your truck, you dopes! In the real world, you get pulled over for not having a side-view mirror!

When they go to dispose of the truck, there's a some excess baggage that nobody was counting on! That's one Chance they shouldn't have taken!!

How cool do you have to be to be able to dress like this, and still be one bad mofo!!

This film is so weird, don't tell me it's not a monster movie! This scene would reprise itself in the still unreleased, and still unfinished Dungeon project, "Virus Man!" You never saw anything like this in a James bond movie!

Among other amazing things, Barbara Bouchét was a dancer on the Rock & Roll TV show, "The KPIX Dance Party," from 1959 to 1962! Her next role after this film was also in an episode of "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." as Narcissus Darling, before going on to be Miss Moneypenny in "Casino Royale," and Kelinda in a Star Trek episode.

The way this shot is set up, it makes Adam look like "The Amazing Colossal Man!"

Eventually Barbara Bouchét moved to Italy and was in scores of Giallo flicks! The fried guy on the ground was guilty of trying to break into Adam's rigged apartment unsuccessfully! What a dumbass!

What are the odds? I swear Adam is hooking himself up to what is yet another version of a Gallium Transmitter!

"Agent For H.A.R.M." is all over the place, wacky, sexy, and freaky! I've got lots of things to do, but I think I'm going to watch it again tonight! Unless you want to borrow my copy, the only place I know where to find it for yourself is "The Web of Mystery"!!!

Adam is way too cool for this cast of clowns, they literally have no Chance!!!

"Case Closed!!!"