MISSION IMPOSSIBLE - "The Contender" (1968)

 

I felt like watching an episode of "Mission Impossible" the other night, and after reading the scores of names that were on the show over the years, I settled on Season three, episode two from 1968 for this week's Wild Wednesday spectacular.

 

And now you know the reason why!

I don't watch it much anymore, but for a good thirty years, I was a big fan of the sweet science known as boxing, and at least one thing I learned from it, was that a man named Walker Smith Jr. aka Sugar Ray Robinson will probably be forever known as the pound for pound, best boxer in the world.

This episode is about trying to bring down a big time sports fixer. For the sake of the nation, it would look bad to have a known crook having anything to do with professional sports, so they have Barney change his appearance to look like a known boxer who can't fight anymore because of injuries to his hands as a war hero.

Sugar Ray has the role of Wesley, the right hand man of big time sports fixer Charles Buckman, the guy who needs to be eliminated. Charles Buckman was played by Ron Randell who was in "The She-Creature," and the episode of "The Outer Limits" called "The Duplicate Man."

So why do they call him Sugar Ray Robinson instead of his real name of Walker Smith Jr.? When Ray was 14, he was too young to enter a boxing tournament, so he borrowed the birth certificate from an older friend of his named Ray Robinson, and the name stuck.

Barney had done some boxing and was Sixth Fleet Champion in the service, so with some practice, they think they will be able to pull this off. He looks pretty good!

 

Barney's sparring partner is played by Robert (Hawaiian Eye, The Wild, Wild West) Conrad.

The boxer that Barney is going to impersonate is named Richy Lemoine and is played by Ron (The Fortune Cookie) Rich.

As a professional fighter, Sugar Ray Robinson won 40 fights before suffering a loss in a re-match with Jake LaMotta. In 1952 Sugar Ray retired with a record of 131–3–1–1. He became a singer and a dancer for three years, and then returned to boxing, and went on to have an incredible final record of 173–19–6. 

 

This young boxer just stood up to Charles Buckman, and refused to throw a fight!

Wesley is not such a nice guy, and pushes the young fighter down an open elevator shaft!

Keeping it legit, long before Michael Buffer and his classic "Let's Get Ready To Rumble," Jimmy Lemon Sr. was the biggest name in the world of boxing and wrestling announcers!

Peter Graves looks perfectly ridiculous disguised as a peanut vendor!

There's a great wikipedia page about Sugar Ray Robinson that everybody should read so they could understand how great this man really was, and one of the most interesting stories is about Sugar Ray's title match in 1947 with a boxer named Jimmy Doyle.

 Sugar Ray had a dream that he had killed Jimmy Doyle, and tried to back out of the match, but he was convinced by a preacher to go on with the fight. After getting knocked unconscious in the 8th round, Jimmy Doyle died later that night.

When Sugar Ray found out that Jimmy Doyle was going to use the money from the fight to buy his Mother a house, he donated the money from his next four fights to her.

That's the kind of guy he was!

 

 

Sometimes there's just too much story to pack into one show!

THE TWILIGHT ZONE / "The Four Of Us Are Dying" - 1960

Here's a fun little story, all about a man who can change his looks by concentrating on another person's image. Love the lineup of actors, it stars Harry Townes, Phillip Pine, Ross Martin, Don Gordon, Peter Brocco and Beverly Garland.

This is Arch Hammer, he's just drifted into town and checks into a cheap hotel.

You see, Arch has an uncanny secret, he can change into another person by concentrating on their image...

Let's see what happens if he changes into the recently deceased John Foster, who died in a car accident.

He goes to the club where Foster used to perform and is noticed by his mourning girlfriend, Maggie. She simply cannot believe her eyes, how can this be!

Arch makes up a story about how he escaped death, saying that another person matching his description was the one that died. And, he's been hiding out to get away from performing. He tells Maggie to run away with him to Chicago, and she agrees...

On his way out the door, another musician notices that the man is none other than John Foster! He follows 'John' outside to confront him, but, Arch has changed back into himself, confusing the Hell out of the bandmate.

But before he disappears with Maggie, he's going to need some money, so...

He picks out Virge Sterig, a gangland criminal who was shot a number of times and tossed into a river by his 'friends.'

Arch shows up at the place of the gangland boss, who thinks he's looking at a ghost. Arch shakes him down and grabs all the money from the haul, and takes off running out of the building.

He's being chased by two of the gang's henchmen and gets trapped in an alleyway, so, he has to think quickly!

And, he fakes out the men when they confront him. They can't believe that Virge has escaped, when they know they had him cornered.

Arch has changed himself into a boxer named Andy Marshak, and wouldn't you know it, he has just walked past someone at the news stand who seems to know him. Arch asks him who he is and the man answers... Don't you know your own father?! The man tells him of all the pain he's caused with the family, and calls him a Punk! Arch pushes him down and leaves.

Back at his room, a detective shows up and wants to take him in on a bunko charge. As Arch goes out of the building through a revolving door, he goes around an extra time and comes out as boxer, Andy Marshak. The detective is stunned, how in the Hell did he lose Hammer!!

The detective leaves but Andy's dad shows up, Arch says he needs to concentrate for a minute so he can prove he's not Andy. Pops ain't buying it and shoots Arch in the gut!

As Arch lays dying, he transforms into the other men he was imitating, before...

Arch dies and ends up himself, bringing our story to an end. So, like, check back Wednesday where Eegah!! will bring you something for a Whacky Wednesday, here at The Dungeon!

MONSTERS - "Mr. Swlabr" (1990)

This Saturday Night Special I have for you is season two, episode 15 of "Monsters."

This episode was titled "Mr Swlabr."

The only other reference to the word "Swlabr" that I ever knew was this great song by one of the best bands of all time, CREAM, so it really got me wondering what the heck the tie-in was here!

The word "SWLABR" is not really a word at all, but an acronym, and the letters stand for either "She Walks Like A Bearded Rainbow," or She Was Like A Bearded Rainbow," and was written by Pete Brown.

The inspiration for the song was Producer Felix Pappalardi, who was drawing beards and mustaches on pictures of an old girlfriend. Felix Pappalardi produced three Cream albums, his own Mountain albums, and records by The Youngbloods, The Flock, and The Dead Boys before getting shot and killed by his wife at the age of 43 with the derringer he had given her a couple of months earlier.

So what does any of that have to do with this TV show? Absolutely nothing!

 

 

The real "SWLABR."

Robert (Honey, I Shrunk The Kids) Oliveri has the role of Roy Barton. Roy's a normal kid who spends all his time in the basement with his train set and his handmade aluminum dinosaurs. His Mother and older sister are obsessive and obnoxious.

Roy his just found a special prize inside his box of "Wonder Pops."

Danielle (Jessica Jones) Ferland is Roy's dreadful sister Barbie.

The directions said to soak it in water. Swlabr's embryo looks like a little turd to me!

 

The transformation begins.........

.....And the little "Swlabr" is born!

As "Swlabr" grows and turns into basically a hand puppet, he becomes less and less interesting or convincing!

But the story becomes more interesting, because the voice of "Swlabr" was provided by a very interesting character named Michael Morra, aka Rockets Redglare.

Rockets Redglare was at one time, a bodyguard for The Sex Pistols, and later for Sid Vicious, and more than one person has stated they believe that Rockets was the one who stabbed Nancy Spungen, Sid Vicious's girl friend, and then supplied Sid with the pure heroin that did him in.

We'll never know, because Rockets died back in 2001 at the age of 52.

 

Kate (School Of Rock) McGregor-Stewart is Roy's hideous Mother.

 

 

In fact, both his Sister and his Mother are bigger monsters than "Mr. Swlabr."

And to put a punctuation mark on that stinky fart, here they are again because they have nothing better to do than make Roy's life miserable!

 

"Mr. Swlabr" is growing and Roy's Mother unintentionally makes things worse by dousing him with more water that just makes him grow that much faster and bigger!

 

Hubba, Hubba!!

 

And Roy's Mother gets a face full of what's good for her!

The writer of this story is named Steven L. Nelson, and this is his only credit. All I can figure is Steven probably had a copy of "Disraeli Gears" and thought the title "Swlabr" looked cool, decided to use it as a monster's name, and that makes about as much sense as anything else!