THE LONE GUNMEN - "Diagnosis: Jimmy" (2001)

I seriously thought that tonight's Wacky Wednesday presentation was a Christmas episode from "The Lone Gunmen," but it wasn't, and you get to hear about it anyway!

"The Lone Gunmen" was a TV show from 2001 that ran for one season only. It was created by Vince Gilligan of "Breaking Bad" fame and fortune, so you know the stories are going to be good and the characters are going to be offbeat!

Well, it might not be Christmas, but it sure looks like it! The funny thing is that this episode, which was number nine out of thirteen, actually aired in April of 2001.

After "The Lone Gunmen's" less than stellar run, Vince Gilligan went on to produce 127 episodes of "The X-Files," after that came "Breaking Bad," and the rest is history!

Last year, I told you about the pilot episode of "The Lone Gunmen," but I barely introduced this wild team of investigative reporters, so, here's Tom (Nightmare Cafe) Braidwood as Melvin Frohike.

On the left is Bruce (The Flash) Harwood as John Fitzgerald Byers, and on the right is Dean (Dead And Deader) Haglund as looney toon Richard 'Ringo' Langly.

The fourth member is Stephen (Fancy Drinks) Snedden as Bond, Jimmy Bond!

The boys are trying to get some dirt on a known Grizzley Bear poacher, when Jimmy Bond has an unexpected encounter with a tree!

Jimmy has to be taken to the hospital!

Nurse Marilyn is quite smitten with Jimmy, and tries really hard to get his attention, but it's all to no avail. He's focused on trying to remember what happened so they can catch that poacher!

The really cute Nurse Marilyn is played by Shawn Batten who hasn't done any acting in the last thirteen years, but in the late 90's, she was Sara Cummings on 243 episodes of the TV show "Sunset Beach."

She was also married to Toto guitarist Steve Lukather for eight years.

The side story is that Jimmy Bond saw on "America's Most Wanted" that there was a fake Doctor who was poisoning patients, and Jimmy is convinced he works at the hospital that he's in!

Meanwhile, Larry, Moe, and Curly are spying on the poacher from their camouflaged van, when all of a sudden he starts shooting, and it scares the crap out of them!

It turns out that he was just doing some target practice!

The Mad Doctor also has a sweet tooth!

Disgustingly enough, the worst part is the poacher is killing the bears only for their gall bladders which are worth a lot of money in the Asian black market!

Richard (Starship Invasions, Duct Tape Forever) Fitzpatrick is the evil poacher! Richard has been a very busy man, and has almost 200 acting credits!

When I first quickly glanced at this show I saw this, which I thought was Rudolph!

Luckily, Yves Adele Harlow shows up at the hospital to save Jimmy a lot of embarrassment!

Yves is played by the always alluring Zuleikha (Once Upon A Time In Wonderland) Robinson.

Almost all of the characters also appeared on "The X-Files" at one time or another!

The boys tail the poacher and nail him and the people he's selling to before they get caught! 

Luckily, the Feds were on the case too, and save the day!

SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT / The Night Earth Became An Inferno Of Horrors! - 1972

Here we go with an XMAS themed horror flick. It goes like this... Old Wilford Butler returns home on Christmas Eve and his house had been turned into a mental institution for the criminally insane. But, the day of his return, he's set on fire and dies! The towns people believe his death was an accident, but the institution-house is closed down anyway. Wilford leaves the house to his grandson Jeffrey and a few years later, Jeffrey decides to sell the house, the towns people including the Mayor have mixed feelings on keeping people away from the place, especially when a serial killer escapes from another institution and finds refuge there. Man, this movie is confusing even if you're paying full attention!

It stars Patrick (CHAMBER OF HORRORS) O'Neal, James (IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT - Died at age 40, this was his last movie) Patterson, Mary (TERRORVISION) Woronov, Astrid (THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR) Heeren, John (RED ZONE CUBA) Carradine, Walter (THE HITLER GANG) Abel and with Candy (KLUTE) Darling.

Here's Patrick as John Carter, him, the mayor and others are there to discuss the fate of the old Butler house. You can tell it's XMAS because of the tiny tree and the laurel hung on the window. Other than a few hints, you'd never know it was XMAS at all...

The mayor and his wife argue one angle, while Charlie Towman argues the counter point. John's hands were starting to look fairly deformed by 1972.

Then, a psycho shows up at the house. In the yard, he pulls out his blade, kills the guard dog and then disappears from sight.

John and his wife are having a nice quiet dinner at home. Later, they go to the bedroom and both are attacked by someone with an ax!! It looks like Patrick only worked for a day or two before getting knocked off, making him a minor character!

This shot reminds me of my cousins' house back in the early fifties where their bedroom was in the attic in a triangular shaped room.

Here's a young Mary Woronov as Diane Adams, I can't remember how she fits in, but she knows about the story and is involved with the grandson, Jeffrey Butler, somehow.

Then, there's a very long flashback scene starting in 1929, the owner of the house, Wilfred Butler is narrating the story...

He's noticing how piggish all his well to do friends are, filling him with rage.

Later, he wants to save his daughter from the institution, and in doing so, he releases all the freakin' inmates, who invade another dwelling after wandering around in the woods.

There's always at least one psycho in a sanitarium, and here he is! He breaks a wine glass and jams the shards into the mouth of a rich guy who's drunk and passed out!!

Back at the ranch, an old dilapidated Wilfred Butler shows up unannounced. He looks like the the guy in the Portrait Of Dorian Gray. Crappy print, obviously taken from a VHS transfer.

Anywho, Diane shoots his ass a few times and he's outta there!

Here's the weird ending as Diane wanders into the woods as a tractor comes to dig the murderer's grave. So, there you have it, another one bites the dust, here, at The Dungeon!!..

CONCERTO PER PISTOLA SOLISTA - "The Weekend Murders" (1970)

 12-12, last full moon of the decade, 12-13, Friday the 13th, 12-14.....

"The Weekend Murders!"
FORE!!!

 This is gonna be some fun holiday! 

An estranged family is forced together for the reading of a will, and then people start getting killed!

This movie has balls!

  The original title is "Concerto Per Pistola Solista," or auf Englisch, 

"Concert For Solo Gun." I gotta think about that one, but actually, "The Weekend Murders" is an equally non-descriptive and stupid title for such a good movie! 

 "The Weekend Murders" is a very Agatha Christie style story in a "Ten Little Indians" kind of way, and I like this method of reconstructing the characters!

So here you go, Ballard Berkeley is the butler and also the first victim!

Ballard made a nice living playing Lords, Colonels, Doctors, Inspectors, and Butlers etc. for 60 years!

 Robert (Hole In The Forehead, Cut-Throats Nine, Mean Frank and Crazy Tony) Hundar as the Valet, is the always under suspicion guy they cut to every time something bad happens! 

 Richard Caldicot as the Lawyer who reads the will has 180 acting credits, including "Clue Of The Twisted Candle," "The Beverly Hillbillies," and "Catweazle!"

 Franco (Play The Game Or Leave The Bed) Borelli is "The Stranger!"

He gets screwed big time!!

Harry also had small parts in "Casino Royale," and "A Clockwork Orange!"

Note that they misspelled Gardener!

 Orchidea (Love Angels, Lady Dynamite) De Santis is the very sexy maid!

 Quinto (The Monsters) Parmeggiana has one of the least memorable roles!

 Beryl (Voodoo Blood Death) has the role of Pauline, the newest and least welcome family member.

 Giacomo (The Last Man On Earth, War Between The Planets) Rossi Stuart is at the top of the list of suspects.

 Eveline (War of the Zombies, Maniac Mansion) Stewart is Isabelle, the intended sole inheritor of the estate!

 American actor Peter Baldwin was in "I Married A Monster From Outer Space," and "The Outer Limits" episode titled "Specimen: Unknown." He stopped acting shortly after this film and went on to direct over 100 movies and TV programs.

 Marisa (Rabid Dogs) Fabbri is Aunt Gladys, a seriously bitchy woman with a very unhealthy relationship with her son!

 Georgie is one sick puppy!

 Christopher Chittel has since been on the British soap opera "Emmerdale" from 1986 to the present day as Eric Pollard. In what has got to be some kind of record, that's 1,704 appearances on the same show!

 American actress Anna Moffo had a much larger career as an opera singer than an actress!

Here she is Barbara Worth, and she is worth a lot, being the sole recipient of the fortune of the dead man, even though she was only his niece!

 I don't know why these guys had to split a credit, between the two of them, they spend more time on camera than any of the suspects!

Lance Percival did the voices of both Paul and Ringo in the 1960's cartoons about The Beatles!

Gastone Moschin has the role of the dim-witted police officer who is actually the star of the show!

 I'd say Director Michele Lupo must have a good sense of humor to use this still during the credits for his name!

This poster is one of the worst depictions of a movie I've ever seen.

"The Weekend Murders" could be a Disney Giallo movie, except there's one very brief topless shot, and a couple of murders, other than that, by today's standards, it's a family movie!