SAMPO - "The Day The Earth Froze" (1959)

Man, something smells really bad in here like rotten fish! I looked all around, and guess what I found? It was the "Sampo!" Go figure! Tabonga and I don't ever really discuss the different films we're doing, so it's pretty odd that we're doing two Russian films in a row, although technically this is a Finnish-Russian production! Too bad there wasn't another boat with a squirrel head!

 I'm taking off the kid gloves for this one cause this is one stinky mofo like rotten potatoes and the dirty diaper stench of really old kale!
IF you're looking for a painful brain full, then you've come to the right place!

Today would have been my Dad's birthday! He would not have appreciated this movie either!
I really got taken in on this one! From the looks of this poster, I thought "The Day The Earth Froze" was set in the 20th century! (Or maybe that's just what I was hoping!)

They were kind of limited in the casting department since the lead man also had to know how to ride a log down a river!

This is the flower child Annikki. Her brother Ilmarinen is the one who knows how to make a Sampo, but his hands are tied by the fact that for some reason, he can't make a Sampo until Annikki falls in love! Weird rules, but that's how it works! And to think that Hippiedom wouldn't come into prominence for another ten years!

This olde witch that looks like a man doesn't want the couple to be very happy, so she sets out to ruin their lives! She kidnaps Annikki and forces her brother Ilmarinen to make her a Sampo when what she probably really needs in some shampoo!

They need a boat to go after Annikki, so they hollow out the biggest tree they can find! Pretty impressive!

How's this bondage scene for weird looking? 

So what the Hell is a Sampo you ask? Well, there's only a couple of people who know how to make one, and when it's all ready to go, the Sampo yields unlimited amounts of grain, salt, and gold, the three things essential to good living!

After Ilmarinen makes the witch her Sampo, the couple is reunited!
I'm sure this is truly a wonderful story, I just think something got lost in the translation!

 Watching this movie was actually agonizing!

Some of the picture's like these two that I'm showing you look pretty cool, but don't be fooled, because what happens in between these stills is excruciatingly tedious!

The hero of the movie is Lemminkäinen as played by Andris Oshin in his only performance on the big screen! This movie just might have worn him out!

What a band! Maybe they are actually members of the band called The Band!

Besides Hippies, "Sampo" also introduced pogo dancing to the world!

Can't go wrong with pretty Finnish Russian girls!

Somebody please get the stage light out of the shot!

This is what is known as freezing your ass off!

I lived in Alaska for a couple of years, and had more than one opportunity to see the Northern Lights! I highly recommend it if you ever get a chance!

Lemminkäinen releases the sun from captivity......

..........and then everything thaws out, and life is groovy once again!

 

For me probably the most interesting thing about "The Day The Earth Froze," is that on this American poster, Narrator/Announcer extraordinaire Marvin Miller gets the biggest credits for his meager contribution! Marvin has some awesome career credits, but my favorite by far is that he was the voice of Robbie The Robot! I'm pretty sure that someone just ridiculously assigned the names Nina Anderson and Jon Powers to Eve Kivi and Andris Oshin to make them more palatable for American tastes!

COSMIC JOURNEY / Mosfilm, Soviet Union - 1936

Welcome to 2016 at The Dungeon!.. "Kosmicheskii Reis" (original name of this silent movie) was first shown in Soviet theaters in January, 1936, it's a fairly realistic journey to the Moon, made in the early days of special effects. Scientist Pavel Sedikh, impatient with the restrictions of the Soviet space institute in Moscow, builds his own spacecraft, and, accompanied by a female astronaut and a boy, embarks on the first trip to the Moon.

I have a wild musical sound clip for your approval, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button located there by our Moon Goon ride, NOW, Rufus The Gnat!.. Here are some moments from... COSMIC JOURNEY!

This walk around shot of the rocket being constructed on this giant miniature set is amazing, it takes a few minutes to complete and is definitely worth the price of admission!

And now, it's time to hit the old stardust trail. Using a huge long ramp, like what George Pal used in WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE, the crew speeds away into the night sky.

A shot of the rocket's control center, notice the freaking steering wheel there!

In 1936, this is the face of the future!..

This shot shows the space travelers in compartments filled with water for the take off, that way, the G-force will have no effect on them, which is true. When I worked at a special effects studio (that did work for NASA) in 1992, one of our supervisors (a Navy Seal) told me that in order to fly some of our top secret aeronautic projects, the pilots would have to be placed in compartments filled with water in order to withstand the quick moves and turns. My supervisor wasn't into BS and was referring to flying saucers.

When I was kid, I loved this kind of viewport design, and, still do.

The scientists on Earth are keeping an eye on the event using their giant telescopes!

Okay, the dude said to take a right at the asteroid, then, a quick left at the comet tail... I hope that 3-eyed weirdo knows what the deuce he's talking about, I'm starving!

Looks like walking in Moon shoes is a little awkward. But, what the Hell, lets go for a walk.

What would a Moon adventure be if there weren't any perils?!.. A big pile of crap, that's what!

The top shot looks like a cover to a vintage science fiction pulp magazine. Pulp magazines were the thing back then, especially in the 1930s. The bottom scene reminds me of how my imagination works.

Moscow, we gots a problem!..

Anyway, the crew makes it back to Earth and get a tickertape parade for their bravery and success!.. Makes me wonder what Eegah!! is getting ready for us tomorrow, so, see you then!

Q - Larry Cohen - "The Winged Serpent" (1982)

So.... Out with the old and in with the older! Good-bye 2015, Hello 1982!

This is obviously the beginning of The End!

I used to watch "Q" in the late 80's on the boob tube, probably on USA Network if I had to guess, since I can't quite remember anymore, and I don't know exactly why, but I always liked this stupid movie! Let's see if we can figure it out!
Try these two minutes on for size!

Maybe "Q" is a cult classic! I don't know, I don't have time to look into stuff like that, but if it isn't, then it damn well should be! 

Detective partners Richard (SHAFT) Roundtree and David (Kung Fu) Carradine might give you a clue as to why!

"Q" is pretty gory! They go from skinning this bird in a restaurant to skinning a human in a hotel room!

The guys in the background of that skinning scene are thieves talking about their upcoming job! The odd man in the trio is big time loser Jimmy Quinn as portrayed by Michael Moriarty!

Mal-adjusted, misinformed, and misunderstood, Jimmy Quinn is supposed to be the getaway driver in an upcoming jewelry heist, but when he is forced to go inside, it doesn't go well at all! Michael Moriarty is what makes this movie work!

Meanwhile people on the rooftops of buildings in the city keep disappearing one by one!

Shades of "Bloodfreak," it's Chicken Boy!

Have you ever been shit on by a pigeon or an owl flying overhead? Well that's nothing compared to blood dropping from out of the skies!

I ain't no big city slicker, so I had no idea that there was a jewelry store named Neil Diamonds!

I thought he only wrote songs!

Look to the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane! No, it's a big winged serpent ready to eat your ass, and bite your head off!

Nobody ever sees the serpent because it uses the sun as a block, and nobody knows where it comes from or goes to except Jimmy Quinn when he stumbles onto the nest while he's trying to hide after the botched stickup! Jimmy's scared of everything except heights!

A high rise construction worker gets picked off at lunch time!

David Carradine needs a lot of cigarettes and an issue of Playboy to try and figure out this whole Quetzalcoatl thing!

I love Candy (The Man Who Fell To Earth) Clark as Jimmy Quinn's frustrated lover!

I never could figure out whether "Q" was intended to be a comedy, or if it just turned out that way, like in the scenes with the white face undercover cop and the black detective!

It's pretty hard to get a good shot of the monster, he's on and off camera so fast for the vast majority of the film! This isn't too bad!!

Just like Chicken Boy, there's other shots of big bird imagery in the city to help the viewer understand how this could all be happening!

Outside of Japan, most filmmakers had given up on making monster movies by the 1980's, so I give writer, director, producer Larry Cohen and his cronies a lot of kudos in that department!

One of the losers in the final shootout!

50,000 rounds later, the giant winged serpent is just a memory!

 Uh, Oh! There was more than one nest!

 I don't understand how these things work, but for some reason you can watch "Q" unencumbered on YouTube! What can I say? That's a fantastic deal!
Happy Freakin' Nuke Year!!!