NO ORCHIDS FOR MISS BLANDISH - "Black Dice" (1948)

Nothing says Saturday Night Special like a good gangster movie, so let's get the show rolling with tonight's special UK feature from 1948, "No Orchids For Miss Blandish!"

The reason no characters resemble any person living or dead is because they've all been killed by gangsters!!!

Linden (Edgar Wallace's The Terror) Travers is the classic beauty Miss Blandish!

And why "No Orchids For Miss Blandish?" She keeps getting flowers from an anonymous admirer, and she keeps turning them down!

Miss Blandish's fiancée is the bland one in the relationship! That's John (Goldfinger) McClaren as Foster Harvey!

This movie is everything you could ask for in a movie, Greasy, Dirty, Sleazy, and Grimy! That's right, the four dwarfs you never heard about before, and that ain't no Snow White neither!!

So these bozos kill Miss Blandish's ex-future husband, and kidnap her in an attempt to get some good old fashioned ransom money out of her Pop who is loaded to the gills!

"No Orchids For Miss Blandish" is known to this day for raising a big stink because of this inferred rape scene! The film was given a D rating for Disgusting!!!

The Boss shows up and rubs out cheap thug Leslie (Attack Of The Crab Monsters) Bradley for being a stupid lowlife! The Boss has a nervous habit of continually rolling dice when he's thinking!

The Boss runs a big organization out of this club called "Grissons" and that's where they end up bringing Miss Blandish to!

They've got some great entertainment at "Grisssons!" There's specialty acts Halama and Konarski, and Toy and Wyng all played by themselves! There's a real comedian played by Jack Durant, and then there's Zoë Gail as Margo performing great numbers like George Melachrino & James Dyrenforth's "When He'd Got It, Did He Want It?"

That, my friends, is the face of a woman who is stuck on the horns of a dilemma!

And that is what the back of a dilemma looks like walking up stairs!!

The Boss is a fellow named Slim Grisson, a hard-living Bogeyesque tough guy played by Jack (Mind Your Own Business) La Rue, and he's got one very big problem!!!

Despite being the man in charge and the ultimate bad guy, Slim Grisson is very much in love with Miss Blandish............

..........and she in turn is very much in love with him! You see, it was Slim that had been sending her the flowers all along!! You didn't think this was a love story, did you, but it is, a very sad love story, because there is no way in living Hell that they can possibly make this work!!

Lilli (The Long Dark Hall) Molnar as Slim's Mom is also a big player in this story and one of the major obstacles standing between Slim and Miss Blandish's happiness! This is one of my favourite shots, because of the juxtaposition of Ma Grisson and a bottle of "Old Crow" whiskey sitting on her desk!

There's more than enough problems with Ma and the other members of Slim's gang, but once the cops get involved you know it's curtains! I love this movie, catch it on TCM when you get a chance!!!

HERCULES AGAINST THE BARBARIANS / Alta Vista Productions - 1964

It's another Friday with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon! We gots an Italian flick under the Alta Vista Productions banner for some reason, this time the story places Herc in Poland, not Greece. Whoa!!.. Anyway, Mark Forest goes to help Poland free itself of Mongol invaders in the 12th century.

Eegah!! sent us over this cool soundclip from the movie, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button there next to the Pit of Doom, NOW, Rufus The Gnat! Here's our audio offering for... HERCULES AGAINST THE BARBARIANS!

This pic shows rabid Mongol hordes storming a compound in Poland.

This pic shows Mark Forest as Hercules on his white stallion. Mark's complete film career consisted of starring in 12 sword and sandal movies done between 1960-5, his real name is Lou Degni. He competed for the 1952 Mr. America title and finished 27th at age 19.

Herc encounters a giant serpent in a pit he gets trapped in!

Then, he saves this Polish princess from being burned alive.

Love this shot, free for all polo blitz!

Eventually, Hercules is captured and has to deal with the Barbarian leader.

Herc and the princess escape and then have to trek across a burning volcanic landscape...

Recaptured, Herc has to physically prove himself with one test after another!

The Barbarian leader is holding all the cards until a metal gate comes down on top of him!

But, Herc's pal bites the dust in the final battle, so, not a completely happy ending...

PROJECT: KILL - "Total Lonely World Control" (1976)

Well, I just found out that this blog has been nominated again for the fourth year in a row  for a Rondo Award in the category of "Best Blog 2012." It's still listed as Monstermoviemusic on the ballot, and I'm sure we don't stand a mummy's chance in a sandstorm, but just in case you want to vote, you can go right HERE! Tell 'em Eegah!! sent you!!!

Despite how cool this picture looks, if I had to watch all the movies I've written about again, "Project: Kill" would be way down at the bottom of the list for various reasons, number one being it's not a very good movie! "Project: Kill" was also released as "Total Control!"

Somebody get over there and push the "Go" button so we can get this going and over with!

                                                                          Roll it!!!

Tricky location!

A lot of you younger people probably don't even realize that Leslie Nielsen used to be a serious actor! Of course my favourite out of  his 252 acting credits was not "Naked Gun" or "Airplane!" but "Forbidden Planet!" In "Project: Kill" Leslie is a government trained killer who wants out of the business!

It's up to Leslie's protégé Gary Lockwood to track him down and stop him! Of course Gary would be better remembered for his roles in films like "The Magic Sword!" or "2001: A Space Odyssey!"

This shot just looks completely pretentious! Standing off in the distance is the love interest of the story, Nancy (The World Of Suzie Wong) Kwan!

"The Lonely World" was sung by Pilita Corrales with lyrics by Sid Wayne and music by Robert O. Ragland! Talk about big guns, Sid Wayne wrote Lyrics for a bunch of Elvis songs like "Do The Clam," "Spinout" and "Clambake!"

                                                       "Private!" That means keep out!!

                                                    This door is locked for a reason!!

           It was a given that there was going to be a place called the Paradise Hotel somewhere in this film!

Most of "Project: Kill" was filmed in The Philippines, so there are lots of  Asian bad guys! One of the hoods is played by an actor who has one of the coolest names I've ever heard of! His name was Vultures Stuntmen! Now that's special!

Ollie Ollie Oxen, Free, Free, Free!! Come out, come out, wherever you are!!

                                                               The BIG showdown!!

Hey, where's the ref? That looks like a flagrant choke hold!

                          Of course, in the end, just like in the beginning, nothing gets accomplished!

I don't know how this keeps happening, but once again I found out just as I was writing this, that if you really want to, you can download "Project: Kill" for free over at "The Internet Archive." Okay, that's it for me for this month, stick around, we've actually got some good titles coming up in the next couple of months!