Welcome to another rousing round of Weirdsville Wednesday down in The Dungeon! Tonight's presentation is a perfect example of why some movies are so doggone hard to find! From the title I expected a cool army of cyclops monsters, but no such luck!
Honestly, if I had to come up with a one word description for "The One Eyed Soldiers," it probably would be WEIRD, but this time, that's not necessarily a good thing! "The One Eyed Soldiers" is basically just one very long chase scene!
I caught these two guys walking out before the movie even started!
The star of "The One Eyed Soldiers" is veteran cowboy TV actor Dale Robertson! Early in his career, Dale also played Sinbad in "Son Of Sinbad!" I'm not quite sure what he's doing in this movie, but he's supposed to be a journalist on a trip to a central European country called Nassaum, but I think the writers meant Nauseam!
Dale's female interest is Luciana Paluzzi as the daughter of the man who knows the secret of the one eyed soldiers! How's this for an assortment of credits? Luciana was in "Muscle Beach Party," "Thunderball," and "The Green Slime!"
Guy Deghy is a fellow known as The Fat Man! As you can see, he had the ability to take up the whole screen! Among other things, Guy was also in "The Mouse That Roared," "The Mouse On The Moon," and "Devil Doll!"
The big man in charge of the bad guys is Mile Avramovic as the evil dwarf also known as "The Twisted Shape Of Death!" He's got a serious 'little man' complex! Mile was only in one other film, a 1983 movie titled "How I Was Systematically Destroyed By An Idiot!"
Andrew (Jason And The Argonauts) Faulds has the role of Colonel Ferrer, and he's out to catch this fat man!
When the Colonel spots a fat woman on a bicycle crossing a bridge, he just knows that it's the guy he's looking for, so he goes as far as exposing her to prove it, but she actually is a woman also played by Guy Deghy! I told you it was weird!
There's so much odd stuff happening in this film that you're not sure if it's a comedy or not, like this scene where Guy gets bit by an empty suit of armor!
The evil dwarf and Luciana come face to face, and she scratches his face good!
I think he was going to poke her eyes out, but he couldn't reach her without a stool!
To show you how evil he is, the dwarf mingles with a bunch of masked kids in a parade!
When you need to hide, you can't ever go wrong by hiding in a prostitute's room! Prostitutes are loyal, they'll never rat you out to the authorities!
Luciana won't give it up, so the dwarf resorts to other methods of obtaining information!
Here's one of the soldiers, so what's the big deal? He's got two eyes!
But then Luciana reveals, that if you get up on this little platform, and look down on the statues at just the right angle, it looks like they only have one eye! Bingo!
There's a key hidden in the wall in a direct line with the statue's eyes that will open the lock to the millions of dollars everyone is so concerned about!
The final showdown is between the evil dwarf with a machine gun.........
................and the fat man's best buddy, a mute with no ears! The mute was played by Mirko (The Last Mission Of Demolitions Man Cloud) Boman!
If that's not weird enough for you, then take a listen to this short clip of music from the movie, and try to understand why they're playing circus music for the ending credits!
If that's not weird enough for you, then take a listen to this short clip of music from the movie, and try to understand why they're playing circus music for the ending credits!
1 comment:
Crazy plot so far! I didn't read all of it as to not spoil the ending for myself.
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