ATTACK FROM MARS / Wade Williams Productions - 1988

Welcome to a special Friday the 13th, Friday Night Drive-In Theater with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!.. Tonite's total trainwreck sadly stars Robert (THE MAN FROM PLANET X) Clarke and Ann (THE WAR OF THE WORLDS) Robinson. One of the reviews on IMDb cracked me up, the reviewer was upset that you cannot give a film zero stars!

The 'story' goes about like this... A Martian begins to attack the patrons and staff of a movie theater as a 'Republic' sci-fi serial plays there one night in the fifties. Original title is MIDNIGHT MOVIE MASSACRE.

The original music is by Bill Crain, who has 4 composing credits, but, no telling where the tunes in the movie came from...

Lettuce bring in our littlest of all Dungeon helpers and button pushers, the lover of rotten fruit and vegetables, Rufus The Gnat!.. Howdy, Rufus! The little weirdo is here to start our soundclip, so, push the big red 'GO' button there by the box of dynamite, now, Rufus! Here's some noise from... ATTACK FROM MARS!

If you ever want to see the biggest nerds ever, then, this is the flick for you!

Here's the skinny dude with the fat chick gag. That's a jumbo 3' x 5' tray they're filling with confectionery, carbonated and popped delights from the snack bar... Of course, he has to come back for more stuff later!

A little warning for Eegah!! and Tabonga! before the show begins...

...Yeah, no grunt, what it is!!

In the soundclip they say they're in Long Beach, but seriously, it looks like Bakersfield to me!

Okay, now we're watching the SPACE PATROL serial, happening some place in outer space.

Here's Robert as Colonel Carlyle and Ann as Dr. Sylvia Van Buren. Looks like they're on a hot date!

The Martian parks it's spaceship on top of the theater!

The first thing it does is deep red six the lady in the ticket booth!

The SPACE PATROL sets and miniatures look decent, but, no Republic serial was ever in color. Although, Republic did colorize ZOMBIES OF THE STRATOSPHERE and THE CRIMSON GHOST features.

The evil Martian Brain!

I'll leave it up to you to make what you can of what's going on here.

Now, what could be better than a fifties flick with a dude in a seventies space suit?!

Did I mention that this movie is totally gross at times? This girlie pulls crap like that out of her nose the whole time!! UGH!! Curse you, Wade!.. Like, even, what is it?.. She needs to see a doctor, you know, that might be contagious!

Now, that's what I call entertainment!.. By the way, where in the Hell are they?

I'd be a bit remiss, if I didn't show you this!.. Sweater Girl without her sweater!

The projectionist gets his head ripped off... What a maroon!!

Look at that mess of Republic serial killer robots!!

Here's more of how gross the flick gets, the 300 pound fat chick has just demolished a giant try of snacks and sodas, and, she cannot help herself from stuffing the Martian in her big mouth and start gobbling away!! But, guess what?.. She saves the day by doing so!

Even her boyfriend can't believe that she ate the whole thing!!

THE BODY STEALERS - Reg Tilsley - "Thin Air" (1969)

It's truly amazing what people find interesting these days! Take a movie like "Port Sinister" for example! It took me almost four years to track down a copy of that sucker, and sure, it wasn't the greatest movie in the world, but it was a lot more exciting that a soccer match or a soap opera! I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, I guess we're just latent historians, but tonight's feature is another one of those kinds of films, not that great, but from a historical perspective, pretty damn interesting!

There's a big air show, but there is one little problem, three guys in parachutes never came back down, hence the alternate title, as they vanished into "Thin Air!"

If you check out the detail and nuance of this shot, then you will surely agree that it's one of the best damn crowd scenes you've seen lately!

All the big chiefs and cheeses have a big pow wow, and come to the conclusion that they need help from an outside source, enter our hero, Patrick (Island of the Burning Damned) Allen as major horn dawg Bob Megan!

Of course, George (The Man Who Could Work Miracles) Sanders is in on the action as General Armstrong!

Sean Connery's baby brother grabs the role of Jim Radford! Believe it or don't, Neil Connery's first film, this was his second, was a spy flick titled "Operation Big Brother!" Yeah, they were really pushing it!

Bob was out standing in the field where the empty chutes came down, and has found a fascinating and mysterious buckle that holds the answers to a lot of questions!

They couldn't come up with a room at The Hilton, so Bob has to be satisfied with staying at a coastal inn, and while walking on the beach at night, he happens on a young lady who catches his eye, and even though he's in charge of finding out what's going on, a mysterious woman named Lorna on the beach would be the last thing to set his radar off!

Bob's libido is a different story! Bob meets a gal, and he's ready to get it on, right then and there! He's a real, wham, bam, thank-you mam, kinda guy!

Back at the inn, it means nothing to him when Shelagh Fraser as Mrs. Thatcher, the local barkeep, tells him that she knows everybody in the area, and there's no woman by the name of Lorna living around these parts! Shelagh, now that's a cool name you don't hear too often! Shelagh was also in "The Witches," and had the role of Aunt Beru in "Star Wars!" Mrs. Thatcher is the only babe Bob doesn't try and bed, not that she wasn't willing!

Lorna was portrayed by none other than herself! Lorna Wilde has only seven acting credits to her name, and the last one was as Countess Dracula in "Son Of Dracula" in 1974!

Here's a look at Bob's first encounter with the gorgeous Hilary Heath as the scientist Julie Slade! This cat doesn't give up!

"So, how does it feel to be walking around in the shadow of your brother all the time?"

The talent in this film is endless! Here is Maurice Evans as big shot know it all Dr. Matthews. Maurice Evans was The Puzzler on the "Batman" TV series, he was Hutch in "Rosemary's Baby," and underneath all that makeup, he was Dr. Zaius in the series of "Planet Of The Apes" movies!

If this shot doesn't say "Stalemate" then I don't know what to say!

Of course the #2 guy in charge of the whole operation, who is supposed to be working late, is also another horny bastard! To his credit, his secretary has had enough, and walks out on him! Allan (Performance) Cuthbertson is two-faced big shot Hindsmith!

Meanwhile, Bob and Lorna meet on the beach again! The swingin' music throughout "The Body Stealers" was composed by Reg Tilsley who in the same year composed the music for the Frankie Avalon slasher flick "Horror House!"

I've read that people think this film is boring! What's so boring about a guy who is going to make a parachute jump to replicate what happened to his buddies, and still finds time to meet up with a strange woman right outside the security gates! It's really hilarious!

Well, that whole parachute thing did work out so well after all!!! At least somehow he lived through it!

Great scene! "No, I don't know anything, why are you calling me?"

Julie finally comes face to face with the dreaded creature from outer space!

Well, DAMN! It's her boss, Dr. Matthews!

The creature from space is not exactly Dr. Matthews anymore, as his body had been taken over by an alien some time earlier! "Body Stealers" get it?? Check out the ray gun, it looks like a video camera!

If you sense a bit of "The Invasion Of The Body Snatchers," you probably wouldn't be very far off, as a matter of fact, another alternate title is "Invasion Of The Body Stealers!"

Time for the mothership to show up, and take everybody back to where they came from!

"The flying saucer is gone, there is no threat of an invasion, however, the flying saucers are still around!" - Buchanan & Goodman