Saturday, December 10, 2011

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE - Les Baxter, Guy Hemric & Jerry Styner - The Supremes - "The Bikini Machine" (1965)

Here's the deal, Bruce Springsteen is NOT one of the 100 best guitar players of all time, Jennifer(Clutch Cargo chin)Aniston can't hold a candle to women like Linda Darnell and Allison Hayes in the hotness department, and "Dr Goldfarb and the Bikini Machine" should probably be a candidate for worst movie of all time just for the sheer amount of talent that was wasted on it! Per capita, it's worse than "Manos," and the saddest part is, I'm NOT kidding!

Wait a minute!! It's all starting to make sense now! "Dr. Goldfoot" was released on November 6, 1965, and the first Acid Test was held in Palo Alto, California in November of 1965. (LSD was legal in the United States until Oct 6, 1966) I'm starting to see a pattern, No, I'm starting to see a lot of patterns, and they're starting to move!

The honourable Vincent Price is Dr. Goldfoot! I'm beginning to think Vinnie would do almost anything for a buck, as long as he got to hang out with a bunch of young, beautiful women in gold bikinis!

Dr. Goldfoot is a nefarious character Hell bent on taking over the entire world with the help of his army of female robots! Where do these guys get these ideas, and what the heck is that blonde packing??

It's like a Disney movie gone horribly wrong or a 'G' rated film for adults, and yet it was popular enough that they made a sequel, "Dr. Goldfoot And The Girl Bombs!" 60's culture Pop icons Frankie Avalon and Susan Hart start to mix it up until Dr. Goldfoot throws her switch to off because he's the wrong guy! Frankie probably holds the title of being in the most movies with the word 'Bikini' or the word 'Party' in it! Besides this film, there's "Operation Bikini," "Beach Party," Muscle Beach Party," "Bikini Beach," "Pajama Party," "Ski Party," and "How To Stuff A Wild Bikini!"

The real target was Dobie Gillis, I mean Dwayne Hickman as Todd Armstrong, the Nation's Wealthiest Man! Dwayne was so young looking that when he started his teenage Dobie role, he was already 25 years old! "The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis" ran for 147 episodes from 1959 to 1963, and I think I've seen every one of them! As a child actor in the 40's, Dwayne was in films like "The Boy With Green Hair," and "Mighty Joe Young."

Pretty cool looking 1964 Dodge Dart convertible!

Susan Hart's robot needed to have some reprogramming done! Besides being THE "Ghost In The Invisible Bikini," a 'Bikini' movie that Frankie Avalon wasn't in, Susan was Lily Kilua in the upcoming "Ride The Wild Surf," one of the few surf movies that was actually kind of serious and not a beach party flick! Probably one of Susan's biggest roles ever, was she was the real-life wife of AIP president James H. Nicholson right up to his death! In his recent post, Tabonga neglected to mention that Susan Hart also had the role of the daughter Bonnie Galbraith in "The Slime People!"

Looking at the band in this club scene immediately brings to mind Brian Horrorwitz and The Ubangis banging out the theme to "Green Slime" for some reason! In reality, who knows who these guys are. It sounds like maybe Sam Butera and the Witnesses, but your guess is as good as mine. The main music in "Dr.Goldfoot And The Bikini Machine" was written by Dungeon Master Les Baxter!! The main theme song, "The Bikini Machine" was written by Guy Hemric and Jerry Styner and performed by The Supremes, who are usually associated with Motown, not Malibu or Fisherman's Wharf!

On the left is Jack Mullaney as Dr. Goldfoot's assistant Igor! Jack was always the fourth guy in every threesome! He had a continuing role as Peter Robinson in the 60's TV series "My Living Doll" with Julie Newmar, and he was also the star of a strange TV show that ran for almost two years, where he was an astronaut named Hector who got sent back to the Stone Age with his buddy Mac!

Dr. Goldfoot is trying to get the rich man and the robot drunk so that he can gain control of the whole Armstrong fortune!

I can't get enough of Susan Hart turning off and on!

These people are all very tricky! In this movie Dwayne Hickman plays Todd Armstrong and Frankie Avalon plays Craig Gamble, and in the movie "Ski Party" Dwayne Hickman plays a character named Craig Gamble and Frankie Avalon plays a guy called Todd Armstrong! What a bunch of weirdos!

"Dr. Goldfoot And The Bikini Machine" was orignally supposed to be more of a musical comedy, but then they cut out most of the music!

Dr. Goldfoot's Dungeon, unlike our own, is stocked with characters from other AIP features, Annette Funicello and Harvey Lembeck!!

And they finish the whole thing off with a rehashing of Vinnie's role in "The Pit And The Pendulum!" Can we just have one big collective WTF!??

You can find it almost anywhere, including streaming on Netflix! Prefect film for the holidays, it makes no sense at all!!


Prof. Grewbeard said...

Susan Hart was also the reason James Nicholson and Sam Fuckoff went their separate ways.

Annette Funicello in bondage does something for me...

Eegah!! said...

I'm so glad you didn't say that about Harvey Lembeck!!

Douglas McEwan said...

I must confess to a fondness for this stupid movie. Jack Mullavey's chemistry with Vincent Price is very funny throughout. And this movie is Citizen Kane compaired with the terrible sequel, which is really bad.

I had never noticed the switching of Dwayne & Frankie's character names from Ski Party before. They must have amused themselves with that.

The pillory Annette is in is the same one Boris Karloff puts Olive Sturgess into in Corman's The Raven.

The weird TV series about astronauts trapped in a sit-com caveman past was called It's About Time. As a small child, I enjoyed it. I might not like it so much if I resaw it now.

Anonymous said...

Deanna Lund (pre Land of the Giants) had a small role as one of the girls in this film. You can see her in some of the pictures posted here.

MDG14450 said...

Like the beach party movies, the cameos and cross-references in these AIP comedies give them kind've a MAD magazine feel. But damned if I can make it through any of the--the only way is to have one on the TV while I'm doing something else.

Hard to believe Mario Bava directed the sequel.

Eegah!! and Tabonga! said...

Exactimundo MDG!!

Greg Goodsell said...

I have the poster for this. Don't ask me why.

Douglas McEwan said...

What is more amnazing about Mario Bava directing the sequel is that the sequel is so much worse!

Retro Hound said...

Dang, I was looking forward to this movie.

Bitsko said...

After all the Vincent Price movies I have viewed, this?! Definitely a period piece - you had to be a kid at heart during that era.

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