Saturday, November 29, 2014

I PIANETI CONTRO DI NOI - Armando Trovajoli - "Planets Against Us" (1962)

What better to follow Black Friday with than Cyborg Saturday! Welcome to the paranoia wing of The Dungeon, and tonight's super special space opera, "I Pianeti Contro Di Noi!" The little bit of Spacey Music you'll hear was created by Maestro Armando (Werewolf In A Girl's Dormitory, How Funny Can Sex Be?) Trovajoli, a master of many styles with over 200 musical credits in a magnificent career that just ended last year!

In English, this film has been known as "Planets Around Us," "The Man With The Yellow Eyes," "The Monster With The Green Eyes," "Hands Of A Killer," and the version I sought out and finally found, "Planets Against Us!"

No, it's not Buddy Holly, it's a man called Bronco as played by Michel ("Succubus," "Run, Psycho, Run," "Sadist Erotica," "Kiss Me, Monster") Lemoine, and his perfectly coiffed 1960's jelly roll!

Unfortunately, he did have the same fate as Buddy Holly! Flying high in April, shot down by a flying saucer in May!

Actually, he wasn't Bronco yet! Before he died, he was the son of a famous scientist! Now, there's a guy who looks just like him named Bronco, who always seems to be around every time there's some kind of major scientific mishap or rocket launching disaster! Nothing to worry about, the Feds are all over this!

An artiste by the name of Audrey Bradbury captures a pretty good likeness of Mr. Bronco, but he doesn't like it, because he didn't give her permission! This combination act of kindness and mystery make Audrey fall head over heels in love with Bronco, although he is unable to reciprocate!!! Audrey is played by Jany (79 A.D., FX18) Clair!

Of course, to find a good lookin ' dude like Bronco, you have to interrogate all the whores in town! And yes, the gal in the middle that looks like somebody's Grandma is a hooker too!

Back at Audrey's studio, Bronco finds a painting of somebody he'd really like to meet, the daughter of a scientist working on a special gas that his people would like to get their mitts on!

It might not look real high-tech, but this camera was capable of doing things back in 1963, that we still can't do today!

Not only does the camera wirelessly transmit the video back to the scientists big screen TV, they're able to somehow miraculously get footage of the people in the car while they're driving it! Pretty wild, huh, especially since the guy with the camera is not laying on the hood!

Audrey tries to put the make on Bronco, but when he touches her, this is what happens to her!

After all the special effects, I guess they didn't have enough money in the budget to buy an iron, so somebody could get the wrinkles out of this guy's lab coat!

After obtaining an X-Ray of Bronco, the Earth Geniuses conclude that he's a robot!

That's when we finally get to see what's going on! Bronco is just one of many robots that the aliens have made, all using the same body mold! That's how he was able to be in so many places at the same time!! That's why he's so cold hearted!

Here's a couple of good shots of the mold machine, and the cyborg factory in action!

One of the special agents finally catches up to Bronco and zaps him with some kind of ray gun before having the life burned out of him! Bronco is damaged, but manages to return to the mothership!

In The End, it all comes down to one thing, it's all your fault!! Mind the man's words, they're out there, and they're going to get you! Have a nice day!!


Grant said...

I've never seen this one, and it sounds pretty wild.
I didn't know any of these Italian space movies were in black and white. I can't help preferring them in color. I'm even glad that x amount of the Italian gothic horror movies are in color (as opposed to ones like BLACK SUNDAY), which probably puts me in the minority.

Eegah!! and Tabonga! said...

That's great Grant! Can't really imagine this one in colour though!

Anonymous said...

Sounds cool, but I wish the sound bite at the start worked.

Eegah!! and Tabonga! said...

Give it another try! I put it back up for a few days!

Anonymous said...

Great, thank you, the audio clip is working again. The soundtrack is being released this month from Beat Records, so I was curious how the score was.

Eegah!! and Tabonga! said...

You're Welcome! Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

This review always cracks me up, tears in my eyes! Thanks! I just hope my comment will be posted. I have to tick the "I'm not a robot" box first, and if my post doesnt show up, that means I'm a robot! It's like that test in Bladerunner.

EEGAH!! said...

Seriously always glad to hear that something I wrote cracks somebody up! Your comment came in loud and clear! Sorry about the 'robot' deal, I even have to do it when I leave a comment, but it's so much better than the plague of span comments we were getting before we started using it. They were coming in 50 to 100 a day, and it was very annoying! Thanx again cause without you reading, there ain't no use in me writing!

Monster Music

Monster Music
AAARRGGHHH!!!! Ya'll Come On Back Now, Y'Hear??