REMO WILLIAMS: THE ADVENTURE BEGINS - Tommy Shaw - "Unarmed And Dangerous" (1985)

One good thing about being a Neanderthal, nobody expects you to justify anything, and tonight's feature is a case in point! Welcome to Weirdass Wendesday down in The Dungeon!

 I don't normally venture off into the 80's, I usually leave that up to Tabonga, but I'm making an exception tonight! Upon recommendation from a reader and frequent commenter named Grant, I just started reading "Created The Destroyer" by Warren Murphy and Richard Sapir this last weekend while on a 6 hour road trip, so after getting about a quarter of the way through the book, I thought it would be interesting to see what the movie was like! Wow! I wasn't ready for this!

 Fred (THE RIGHT STUFF) Ward is Remo Williams! In the book, he goes to the electric chair for a murder he didn't commit, and in the movie he gets pushed off the end of a pier and drowns! It seemed to me that the only thing the book and the movie had in common was the name of Remo Williams, period!

He thought he was dead, and when he is revived, he no longer officially exists or looks the same!

Wilford (The Thing) Brimley is Harold Smith, one of three guys who know what's going on! Wilford got a comparatively late start in the movies, he didn't step in front of the camera for the first time until he was 35 in "True Grit!" A good thing about writing about 80's movies instead of 60's movies is that a lot more people involved are still alive, even the old ones!

Joel (Cabaret) Grey is the Master Chiun, Remo Williams' teacher, and according to the book, I don't think he'd like this movie at all! I would rather imagine that Joel Grey was chosen for this role because as a dancer he has the ability to move like a cat!

Kate Mulgrew has the role of Major Rayner Fleming, the closest thing there is to a love interest in this film! Rayner? Really? Kate is currently riding high in her colourful role as Red on "Orange Is The New Black!"

The vigorous and endless training of Remo Williams goes on and on! You really get the feeling that they expected this to turn into a whole series of films, so they wanted to get all the groundwork in place once and for all and move on! The Ferris Wheel sequence is not for anybody with the slightest case of acrophobia or even a rational fear of heights!!

While at Coney Island Chiun wins a stuffed animal by throwing rings onto the necks of Coke bottles! He makes sure to let Remo know that he won it, and that it's his! I give this movie credit for that much, it does have some funny moments!

More good stuff! Chiun likes to relax by watching soap operas on TV! Something that he considers the only TRUE art form in America! Remo doesn't get it!

Chiun has had Remo on a strict diet consisting mostly of rice! When Remo brings home some canned food, Chiun tells him that it would be healthier to eat the can than the contents!

J.A. (Body Heat) Preston has the role of Conn MacCleary, the third cog in the gear box that is the organization! Conn asks Chiun when he thinks Remo Williams will be ready, and Chiun tells him that he's finally making some progress, maybe 15 years!

Remo thought this jerk was just some rude ass on the streets of New York, but as it turns out, he is the associate of the guy that Remo needs to take out, and this whole incident is going to make him very angry!

Talk about your basic case of severe decadent opulence!

To help him fight his fear of heights, Chiun takes Remo to the site of the Statue of Liberty that just happens to be getting a badly needed facelift! Unfortunately, this just turns into an excellent opportunity for the opposing forces to try and put Remo out of commission forever!

 Now this is a cool shot! I expected Batman to show up at any given second! This is also a good place to tell you that Remo's theme song was written and performed by Tommy Shaw of Styx fame and good fortune, and boy does it sound like it! Here's just a taste of what you're in for!

 I'm giving a big thumbs up to the guys in the 'Explosives' department on this movie!

In the 'Bad Karma Department,' what happens to this guy could have been a lot worse!

 Mucho macho impotent olde farts like big guns!!!

"Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins" but unfortunately it never continued! It was bad, it was stupid, but I would have been up for another round! If you want to check it out for yourself, I don't get it, but it streams for free on YouTube! I can't figure these things out, maybe you can! One thing though, "Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins" is over two hours long, you might want to take a day off from work! Personally, I'm going to go back and finish reading the book!