Saturday, August 3, 2013

RATTLERS - "They're Waiting To Slither You" (1976)

As painful as it might be, it IS still the year of the snake, so we had to get this one in before year's end! I'll be as gentle as possible, but let me just say that the tag line for this movie should actually read "WHAT A HORRIBLE WAY TO LIE!" because that is what this poster is, one big gigantic lie!

I am a firm believer that the 70's were the worst artistic and musical decade of the last century! A couple of classic examples would be disco music, and "RATTLERS!" 

The fun all starts when these two kids bring their Dads a couple of Buds before wandering out into the desert, and you know when you start a film with a couple of kids getting whacked by rattlesnakes, the next hour or so is bound to be full of hilarity!

On the right is Sam Chew as Dr. Tom Parkinson, a snake specialist with an emphasis on rattlesnakes! On the left is his nemesis soon to be lover Elizabeth Chauvet as liberated photographer Ann Bradley! In the middle is Cary Pitts as The Sergeant! Ex announcer/deejay, Sam Chew has a great voice! Too bad that doesn't quite translate into being a great actor! All three of them did most of their other work on TV!

In a totally unrelated scene, it's time to introduce Tip (Great first name!) McClure as the Big Valley Plumber! Tip was in the "Twilight Zone" episode called "Steel" as Battling Maxo!

"Rattlers" was Tip's very last role! Maybe he didn't dig snakes crawling over his face!

Celia Kaye as the 'woman in the bath tub' gives the most memorable performance in the whole movie! She also has a very nice back!

Here is the biggest problem of the whole movie, and I hate to be nitpicky, but maybe somebody forgot to tell the director that rattlesnakes have rattles on the ends of their tales!

Admittedly, it still makes for a very uncomfortable scene having snakes slithering into the bathtub, but once again you can see how the poster was just slightly exaggerated!

Next thing you know, the happy/unhappy couple is on "The Amazing Red Planet!"

There's lots of conjecturing, and a couple more snake attacks!

Of course, the freakin' military is behind the whole thing! Got any other conspiracy theories you'd like to dredge up? I really hate to say this, but you might just want to let this one slide, do not pass Go, do not collect 200 dollars!

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