Wednesday, March 13, 2013

THE NAKED ROAD - "Unbelievably Fantastic" (1959)

Back in the 50's there was a great show on TV hosted by Art Baker called "You Asked For It!" This is not that show! Welcome to Weirdo Wednesday and a movie from the Something Weird "Weird-Noir" series of films titled "The Naked Road!"

Here's what I have to say about "The Naked Road!" Any aspiring filmmaker who wants to make a movie, and doesn't have a lot of dough, would be well advised to make a remake of "The Naked Road!"  It could be done with a handful of so-called actors, and a budget a homeless person couldn't live on!

First off, cheat a shot from outside any restaurant anywhere! For the music, go down to the Goodwill or to your local swap meet and find an old 45 nobody's ever heard of or cares about, and you've got it made!!

Second, you need a car, and a convertible would be the vehicle of choice just because it's easier to shoot around, but it's not mandatory if you can borrow something else for free!

Probably one of the biggest expenses is going to be police uniforms! Just fake it!!

This is supposed to pass as a judge's office! You can cover almost anything with curtains except a room full of mirrors as we found out in real life while trying to make a movie called "Voodoo Club!"

OK, this is a restaurant!  A table and five chairs, a coat rack, more curtains and food cut-outs pasted on the wall! I would be surprised if this shot cost fifty cents!

Make sure you get an actor who talks real slow, and is a master of the long pause in between words and sentences, you can probably add an extra 15 minutes to the run time!!

Get some ultra honey oak contact paper and glue in on a piece of plywood and presto, the perfect boarded up window look! You can get a piece of plywood for $12.97 and the contact paper is $11.99 plus tax!

One thing though, tell your actor not to stand around with his hands on his hips the whole time, it gets real annoying after a while!!

A nickel ninety-eight and you've got yourself a 'superintendent's' office!!

One costume change for the leading lady is all that is necessary!

Get a half a dozen of your friends to pose as cops, buy them a pizza, and you've got the big crescendo! All you need is some more fake cop costumes! I think the whole film could be made in about 6 hours!

$29.99 for a fog machine, and you're out of there!! Run the closing credits!!

The best thing about "The Naked Road" was that when I was searching for a picture of the movie poster, a photo of this Heavy Metal parody band Steel Panther showed up in the Google search!! I'm so happy to know that these guys aren't serious!!

No comments:

Monster Music

Monster Music
AAARRGGHHH!!!! Ya'll Come On Back Now, Y'Hear??