Welcome to Mondo Monday with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon! Tabonga got a stearn warning from the boss after he sat down and watched this title for the very first time. Andy Milligan is banned from Tabonga's house!! Truly, this POS super classic can especially shock those not prepared for it's full heaping helping of incompentence, garrish sets and costumes, and, a bunch of jaw-dropping ba-a-a-a-ad acting...
The story is basically this... Father Guru, stationed on the island of Mortavia in 1480, is the schizophrenic, power mad chaplain of a Central European prison. And, he will murder or torture anyone he thinks might be threatening his little world...
Even though this was a rush job for the drive-in circuit by Andy and company, that's no excuse for what goes on in this weird little 62 minute flick filmed in New York with a decent (for 1970) budget of $20,000. All I can say is, give Retromedia a helluva lot of credit for picking up this crappy title for distribution!
They used magnetized letters on a children's book cover for the title card! Since it seems like the soundtrack came from old 78 records they found in a thrift store and there's no credits anywhere, hey, my job's done here!
So then, it's time to bring in our littlest Dungeon helper and pal, Rufus The Gnat! Yay, for Rufus!! Each and every Monday he's here to push the big red 'GO' button over there, conveniently located near the loo since we drink a lot of coffee... Anyway, Eegah!! has put together a nice little trainwreck of a soundclip to get his take on the subject. Here's... GURU, THE MAD MONK!
I will say one nice thing about the flick, I like the artwork used for the credits!
If you can't get enough of Carl's distasteful, pasty profile in this opening scene, well, you're in luck, there's plenty more where that came from!
Oh yeah, and, there's what's her name!
...That's Guru there, too.
Aww, c'mon, man... Gimme a break!!..
Carl tries to buy some illegal drugs from Olga. Supposedly, Olga's a vampire!... LOL
A lot of it was filmed in a real church...
Like, these parts here!!
And, when Guru's not squeezing Carl's greasy face, he's admiring Igor's funny lil' mug! Igor's his obedient hunchback helper...
Dude!.. The flick has a vampire and a hunchback!.. What the hell more do you want?!!
I'm not ef'fin' crazy... You're ef'fin' crazy!!.. No, I'm not!.. Yes, I am!!
Igor haz sum woids 4 Nadja...
A love match made when no one else showed up at the casting call!
And now, a moment of silence while Guru gets rid of some built-up, rancid gas from the chili/cheese burrito combo he had for lunch... Braaaaap! Better hope that candle back there doesn't ignite it!!
A wild guess, but, I bet I know where most of the budget went... That hand painted sign and those hand made costumes! That's real silver fox fur!
So sorry, your majesty... We didn't know that's how you felt about bibs!
Dude, the bib has to go, you look like a 2 year old! It's embarrassing, grow up!.. I don't want to have to tell you again.. Are you listening to me?!
In the soundclip, sounds like Andy actually recorded one of his friends playing the organ like an idiot, for that special 'Mad Monk' sound he couldn't find on any 78.
Igor, my face is up here!
Since Igor is now in love with Nadja, he turns on Guru after he touches her inappropriately.
Guru and Olga gang up on Igor, but, Guru then turns on Olga...
Look at dem lips!! Yow!.. Poor Nadja!! Without a doubt, the scariest part of this flick. That's what you call a real lip lock!!