Here's a tale about a vampire that has a novel way of quenching his thirst, he's a night security guard at a blood bank!!
This one stars Malcolm McDowell as the vampire Donald Longtooth, Sandra Dickinson as Sally, George Wendt as the boss Mr. Crosswhite, Michael Berryman as Rupert Van Helsing, Paul Gleason as Detective Robinson and John Kassir does the Crypt Keeper's voice.
There's a problem at the blood bank, the supply is dwindling for some unknown reason. Sally tells Mr. Crosswhite that she will try and get to the bottom of the thefts. The boss says he was glad she wants to get to the bottom of things and starts patting her bottom! Security guard Donald Longtooth walks up and tells him to leave her alone. Crosswhite tells him to mind his own business and reminds him that he does the firing too.
Everyone's leaving for the night, Sally tells Donald that she liked how he stood up for her. She also tells him that she thinks being a sensitive man is... Sexy! She gives him a hug and his fangs come out, and he makes the excuse of having to get to work to get out of the situation...
When he's finally alone, Donald turns into a five year old in a free candy store! He just grabs whatever he wants off the shelves and mixes himself a drink.
He figures the way to replace the missing blood is to go out and drain blood from worthless jerks on the streets and alleys. He's squeezing the lasts drops of blood (through a tube in the neck) out of this would be murderer.
And then Rupert Van Helsing shows up at the police station to offer his assistance, he tells them that there is a vampire loose in their city. Even after showing them photos of vampire bites on a victim, they laugh him off, mainly because there was only one hole in the victims' necks, not two.
After draining out half of the jug for the blood bank, Donald has a refresher.
Detective Robinson is ready to go home after a long day when Rupert shows up again, this time with a bill of lading for items a vampire would want, sent from Carpathia!
In the meantime, Mr. Crosswhite has showed up at Donald's place, telling that the whole thing was a ruse, he knew he was a vampire, and he threatened Sally's firing (Donald likes Sally a lot) to see how much blood he could bring in under pressure! Crosswhite has two pistols pointed at Donald, the vampire responds with, you know that bullets can't hurt me...
His boss is way ahead of him though, they are squirt guns filled with holy water, not pistols with bullets! Holy Hell, Crosswhite squirts him about fifty times, it's insane!
He's just trying to make a point, if you'd like me to stop squirting you, agree to bring me the blood from more street victims for the company, OR...
Sally followed Mr. Crosswhite to Donald's home and was hiding in a cabinet. Donald doesn't want to cooperate but the boss uses Sally to agree to have nothing to do with the vampire or he'd start squirting him again. So, Crosswhite says that he wants Donald to get in his coffin and get a good night's sleep, ready for work. But, he wants to know where the coffin is...
It's a wall coffin, and when Crosswhite is in the perfect spot, Donald lets it down, right on the skull of the psycho, knocking him out cold. Sally wants to help Donald drain the blood from their horrible boss, when, they hear someone outside. They have to find a place to put Crosswhite...
Rupert shows up with Detective Robinson and some officers. They locate the coffin and open it up. It's Mr. Crosswhite! Rupert whips out a huge vampire stake and before anyone can stop him, he plunges it into the supposed vampire's heart, killing him dead...
Rupert closes the coffin lid and tells the detective... It's the only way. They all leave.
Sally and Donald come out from behind the couch, then Sally wants Donald to make her a vampire, saying my favorite line... I always wanted to be a creature of the night!
