LA DONNA IL SESSO IL SUPERUOMO - "Fantabulous" (1967)

Tonight's special Pre-Turkey Day flick is brought to you once again courtesy of Brian Horrorwitz over at the Trash Palace. I do hope that's where you plan on spending all that Black Friday dinero, cause you're damn sure to get more bang for your buck! This 1967 Italian film is titled "La Donna Il Sesso Il Superuomo," or roughly translated, "The Woman, Sex, and Superman!"

But the real title in English is "FANTABULOUS!" That's a hybrid combination of fantastic and fabulous, and the insane theme song of the same name is by some krazy kat named Alessandro Brugnolini who as far as I can tell was a jazz composer and saxophonist. I have no idea who is doing the whacked out vocals! Just dig it!!

It's pretty easy to spot the bad guys, they all wear sunglasses at night!!!

The head cheese on the evil side is Adolfo Celi as Karl Maria van Beethoven! I think he's got a chip on his shoulder because his Mom gave him a girl's middle name! Always stirring up trouble, Adolfo was Largo in "Thunderball," and  Ralph Valmont in "Danger: Diabolik!" Adolfo checked out in 1986!

There's a couple of things you need to know about "Fantabulous"  There is a lot of dialogue, which leaves me out some, since it's all in Italian, and when they feel like it, they throw in crazy collages of super heroes and cartoon imagery! They also use a lot of stock footage to flesh out the whole thing!

PTUNG!? An arrow through the head AND a can of beans!!

Can't go wrong with girls and guns!

And indeed this film contains a "Fantabulous" bevy of beauties!

So, what's it all about Ralphie?? Richard Harrison is some poor schmuck named Richard Werner! In the beginning of the movie, after he finishes making love to his girlfriend Judi West as Deborah Sandor, he gets scooped up by all those guys in the sunglasses, and taken off to this place where he is held captive, but he doesn't know why! After a couple of days he tries to escape and ends up in this room full of weird balloons, that he uses to float to safety, so he thinks! But as it turns out, it was just a set up to see how tricky and free form thinking he was, so they could tell whether he was the right guy chosen to be turned into Fantabulous, the Superman!

So they implant a special capsule into his head that does indeed turn him into a Superman! After not being able to land any lead roles in America, in 1961 Richard went to Italy to be in "The Invincible Gladiator!" It was all Sword and Sandal, and spaghetti westerns for almost 20 years after that, and in the 1980's Richard Harrison was in at least 20 movies that had the word ninja in the title!

They can't freeze him!!

And they can't burn him, he is truly indestructible!!!

Here's what one guy looked like who didn't pass the test!!!

Next, they had to strengthen his mind and his will power!! So they test him to see if he has got the balls to machine down these innocent civilians standing on the other side of some plexiglass!

Time for more Pop cartoon imagery, and at one point they even use some uncredited music from the first Mother's of Invention album, and the song, "Help, I'm A Rock!"

Like I said, it's very wordy, and my Italian is terrible at best, but there are Russians and Americans and other Euro military characters melded into the mess, and I'm pretty sure Mr. van Beethoven has his sights set on world domination in some form!

When Fantabulous sees himself as a doll on TV, it brings him back to reality and his former self a bit, and he takes off lickity split to find his girlfriend again!

After another rousing sex session (Deborah has a big sign above her bed that says "I Like Sex!") and some questionable 60's fashion, Fantabulous returns to van Beethoven!

Torn between worlds, Fantabulous is forced to make the final decision as to where his loyalty lies, the boss or the bed, and the musicians just keep on playing the same song over and over but in different variations! If there was ever a truly quintessential WTF?! movie, this one is without a doubt a top contender!!!!!

RED PLANET MARS / Motion Picture Center Studios - 1952

It's Martian Monday with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!.. What we gots is a well made movie that pits America against the USSR during the rise of the Cold War. It stars Peter Graves in his 7th film appearance with a great supporting cast and is fairly lengthy at 87 minutes.

Eegah!! has sent over a musical soundclip for our approval, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button located next to the mini squid tank, NOW, Ralphie The Tarantula! Here's your audio taste of... RED PLANET MARS!

The complicated story starts like this... An American scientist, Peter Graves as Chris Cronyn, has contacted Mars by radio and is receiving information that Mars is a utopian world, also, Earth's people could be saved if they return to the worship of God.

There's doubt about the messages being genuine though, an ex-Nazi working for the Soviets claims he was duping the Americans with his own messages all along.

Marvin Miller plays Soviet chief Arjenian. Marvin has one of the very best narrator voices ever, we remember him as the voice of Robby The Robot in FORBIDDEN PLANET and THE INVISIBLE BOY and was John Beresford Tipton'S faithful assistant Michael Anthony in 206 episodes of THE MILLIONAIRE.

Chris goes to the military with the messages, that's Morris (FLIGHT TO MARS) Ankrum, then, Walter (THE NAVY vs THE NIGHT MONSTERS) Sande, Peter (IT CONQUERED THE WORLD) Graves and Andrea (BEAST WITH FIVE FINGERS) King in the scene.

How cool is that?!

Eegah!! and Tabonga! both grew up with Voice Of America just west of their village!

Lavish for 1952, a TV built into a fireplace trimmed with a picture frame.

As the Russians admire their giant posters of Lenin and Stalin, the building suddenly bursts into flames, a pretty clear sign that God was not siding with them!

The little Nazi creep shows up at the science lab and shoots up the place because he just can't deal with the truth!

We are left with a thoughful spiritual message from Mars, the planet!

TALES OF TERROR vs. TWICE TOLD TALES

I must be a glutton for punishment, but here we go! Tonight's special feature is a no holds barred triple tag team match between the 1962 film  "Tales Of Terror" and "Twice Told Tales" made in 1963! Why? I have no idea, it just seemed like a good idea at the time!

The referee in charge of this whole debacle is Mr. Vincent Price, since he's the thread that holds this whole tapestry of terrors together!

Without a doubt, "Twice Told Tales" gets the nod for having the better of the two title cards, but that just might be the last round it wins!

The first segment of "Tales Of Terror" is called "Morella!" The three tales are based on stories by Edgar Allen Poe, and the screenplays were written by one of the modern masters, and one of my favourite authors, Richard Matheson!  Richard Matheson wrote the novels "The Shrinking Man" and "I Am Legend," that the movies "The Incredible Shrinking Man," and "The Last Man On Earth" were made into! He wrote the screeplays for a number of the AIP Edgar Allen Poe movies, like "The Pit And The Pendulum" and the "House Of Usher," and he wrote 16 episodes of "Twilight Zone!"

Strange for a horror movie, but for me, Roger Corman's Poe tales have always had a certain warmth or familiarity to them, that even though they're scary, I always still feel quite comfortable watching them!

In "Morella," Vincent Price hates his daughter Lenora, because he holds her responsible for his wife Morella's death, because she died while giving birth to Lenora! Lenora is played by Maggie Pierce who went on to drive Dobie Gillis nuts as three separate characters, Betty Sue Fosdick, Cynthia Vandefeller, and Pamela Lumpkin! She also went on to have one of the main roles in the TV series "My Mother The Car" as Barbara Crabtree! It's always weird to see Vincent without a mustache!

Morella is played by Leona (Scream Of The Butterfly) Gage! Both Leona and Maggie passed away a few months apart in 2010!

On the other side, the stories in "Twice Told Tales" are based on the writings of Nathaniel Hawthorne, as interpreted by the writer Robert E. Kent! The world would have been a much sorrier place to live, and a Hell of a lot less rockin' if it weren't for Robert E. Kent. Robert had some incredible writing credits that included (are you ready?) "Zombies on Broadway," "Dick Tracy Vs. Cueball," "Rock Around The Clock," "The Werewolf," "Twist Around The Clock," "Don't Knock The Twist," "Diary Of A Madman," "Hootenanny Hoot," "Hold On," "Hot Rods To Hell," and "The Fastest Guitar Alive!" He also wrote the songs "Don't Knock The Rock," and "Don't Knock The Twist!"  Too bad all that rockin' talent was pretty much wasted on "Twice Told Tales!"

The first segment of "Twice Told Tales" is called "Dr.Heidegger's Experiment," and it stars along with Vincent Price, the very fine actor Sebastian Cabot, who will always be remembered for his narration on various "Winnie The Pooh" projects! The incredible "She-Devil" Mari Blanchard had the role of the lover who came back to life, Sylvia Ward!

Okay, compare Mari's dead body to that of  Morella's! Even with all that amazing talent, "Tales Of Terror" obviously comes out ahead on this deal!

The second story in "Tales Of Terror" is Poe's "The Black Cat!"

Vincent Price and Peter Lorre in a wine tasting contest,  C'mon, it doesn't get much better than that! Vincent's character is so highbrow and Peter's character is a such a slovenly drunk, but yet he can keep right up with Vincent's wine tasting talents! I love this segment and find it quite hilarious, but isn't anything that Peter Lorre does above reproach? Well it is, at least in my world!

In my humble opinion, "Rappaccini's Daughter" is quite the bore compared to "The Black Cat!"

Vincent Price is always worth watching, no matter what the role, but this story is tepid and never gained my attention at all!

The story is flat, and comes across like a stage play, and the characters of Joyce Taylor as Beatrice Rappaccini and Brett Halsey as Giovanni Guasconti are not interesting at all! Joyce Taylor was a singer who ended up as a regular on the TV series "Men Into Space" and had the role of Soldier in the William Castle film "13 Frightened Girls," and Brett Halsey was much better suited for his roles in "The Atomic Submarine," and "Return Of The Fly!"

That brings us to the third segment in each movie!

"The Case Of  M.Valdemar" co-stars Basil (More Great Movies Than I Think It's Necessary To Go Into) Rathbone and Debra (Most Dangerous Man Alive) Paget!

Vincent's melting sequence is one of the highlights of the film! Special effects master Pat Dinga died at the very young age of 51, but still managed to work on films like "Bride Of The Monster," "House Of Usher," "Pit And The Pendulum," The Raven," "Black Zoo," "The Comedy Of Terrors," AND 11 episodes of "The Outer Limits!"

In "Twice Told Tales," one of Hawthorne's best books doesn't even stand a ghost of a chance!

Even with the talents of Beverly (It Conquered The World, Curucu - Beast Of The Amazon, Not Of This Earth, The Alligator People) Garland and Richard (Unknown Island, Creature From The Black Lagoon, Target Earth, Creature With The Atom Brain) Denning, "The House Of The Seven Gables" can't deliver the goods!

The full length version of "The House Of The Seven Gables" made in 1940 that also has Vincent Price in it, is a much better run for your money! So that's it, try it yourself, "Tales Of Terror" and "Twice Told Tales" come as a double feature DVD. "Twice Told Tales" may not be that bad of a movie, but I really think it pales in comparison, especially if you watch "Tales Of Terror" first!