THE MILLION EYES OF SUMURU - "She Rules A Palace Of Pleasure... For Women!" (1967)

Of all the movies we've really looked forward to seeing after spending uncountable hours trying to locate a copy, "The Million Eyes Of Sumuru" turned out to be one of the most disappointing of all, kind of like looking through your own armpit!

After seeing "The Seven Secrets Of  Sumuru" aka "The Girl From Rio" and writing about it a couple of years ago, I was hot to trot to see this one which was made two years earlier, but it sure wasn't worth the wait!

Now how could a movie like this possibly be bad? Maybe it's because Jess Franco directed the other one!

"The Million Eyes Of Sumuru" is rife with talent, pop culture, and beauty like Shirley Eaton, who was also Sumuru in "The Seven Secrets Of Sumuru,"  but honestly, I preferred her in that film, "Ten Little Indians," or even "Goldfinger!" Shirley was also in three of the 'Carry On' films, "Carry On Sergeant," Carry On Nurse," and "Carry On, Constable." She quit acting after making "The Seven Secrets Of Sumuru!"

Two Dungeon faves for sure, George Nader as Agent Nick West, and Frankie Avalon as Agent Tommy Carter both have roles that are completely unbelievable, and it's fair to say that it was meant to be that way, but it doesn't make it work any better! Their minds must have both been in a phone booth at the beach somewhere, because it seems like they just phoned in most of their lines!

All the most beautiful and dangerous girls in the world can't make it any better, and not even some music by the likes of the brilliant John Scott or Daniel White is going to do the trick!

George Nader is awesome in all the Jerry Cotton movies, but in this one he just seems surprised and perplexed, a gay man in a society ruled by women!

This is the kind of excitement I'm talking about! It just ain't happening!!

"Robot Monster" is a lot more adventuresome!

The tantalizing Maria Rohm was also in "The Seven Secrets Of Sumuru," and "Ten Little Indians" with Shirely Eaton!

More talent out the wazoo, Klaus Kinski as President Boong is one of the more interesting characters in this film!!

I swear to you, I honestly believe that his is how serious George Nader takes the whole thing, not one iota, and I'm not talking about the 9th letter in the Greek alphabet!!

"The Million Eyes Of Sumuru" is a Shaw Brothers production, so there is a big firefight at the end, and even Frankie has had it with the whole ordeal!

Not even the amazing actor Wilfrid Hyde-White is going to be able to save this mess! Here's my suggestion for any film buff, rather than seeking out "The Million Eyes Of Sumuru," just go back and watch Wilfrid in "Let's Make Love," with Marilyn Monroe, Shirley in "The Seven Secrets Of Sumuru" or "Ten Little Indians," Klaus in "Aguirre" The Wrath Of God," Maria in "The House Of 1000 Dolls" (with George Nader), Frankie in "Horror House" or any beach movie of your choice, and George in any, or all of the Jerry Cotton films!! This is one movie where the sequel is much better than the first one, at least that's my humble opinion!