WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND (Italy, 1982) Music by Claudio Simonatti

Just like making bread, it's time for this old man to take another needed break, so, here's the dude of the hour on this hot summer night, Zillagord, with his take on some WTF!?! movie making, Italian style, WOTW!!

Ah Italy-- ever since Marco Polo brought spaghetti to its shores, the Italians have been appropriating ideas from other nations and calling them their own. The Italian film industry is no exception. These paisanos are exploitaters extraordinaire: when they see an overseas money maker, they remake it on the cheap, slap a cool title on it, and rake in the denaro!

WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND (aka THE NEW BARBARIANS) is a fine example of Italian “ingenuity,” a post-apocalyptic ROAD WARRIOR rip-off from director Enzo G. Castellari, also responsible for JAWS rip-off GREAT WHITE and ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK rip-offs 1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS and ESCAPE FROM THE BRONX. Enzo may not be the most innovative guy, but he does have one great claim to fame: he did direct the original INGLORIOUS BASTARDS back in ’78!

He also had the good sense to hire Claudio Simonatti to score this flick. You may know Claudio from the band Goblin, which did some of the great electro-keyboard horror soundtracks of the late 70s-early 80s such as DAWN OF THE DEAD, DEEP RED, and my personal fave, SUSPIRIA! Check out Claudio’s fine score, really the best part of this tepid flick, along with some of the inane dubbed dialogue HERE!

Dese goombahs are members of the Templars (more originality), a gang of poorly coifed, nihilistic thugs who believe that since civilization is on the brink of extinction, they might as well help it along by killing off the remaining survivors! Their slogan: “Hate and exterminate!” Yeah, they’re the Orkin men of the future!

No keggers in our Wasteland!

The battles of the future will be waged in souped-up golf carts! I loved how slow-motion was employed in this flick during the chase scenes to cover up for the low speeds at which these chases were actually occurring. Made Al Cowlings look like a leadfoot!

This gato is named Scorpion, chief enemy of the Templars. Of course, dude with the only cool car is the one who gets the babe. The Wasteland is a lot like high school!

Into the hinterlands comes ex-NFL star Fred Williamson in a role far-removed from his turn as Spearchucker Jones in MASH. His character is named Nadir, an indication Fred knew dis flick was gonna be a low point. Guess he didn’t see CHILDREN OF THE CORN 5 comin’…

What did I say about high school? Damn, the jocks still rule in the atomic devastation….

Of course, Scorpion and Nadir have to defend a caravan of survivors from the Templars in hopes of rebuilding humanity. Have you heard this story before? At least Fred has exploding tips on his arrows, makes for some great ‘splosions! Them Templars blow up good, REAL good!

“It’s about coming up, and staying on top, and screaming one-eight-seven on a mother-fucking cop”—Sublime, “April 29, 1992”

Just tryin’ to ease him up into second gear!

Great thing about the apocalypse—nobody around to steal your cool hood ornament!

Thanks Mean Joe! Oops, I mean…

Will Scorpion and Nadir defeat the Templars and save civilization? Will the jocks and hot-rodders continue to pull the hot chicks? Will the Italian film industry develop an original cinematic concept?? Ah, FUGEDABOUDIT!!!