TEASERAMA - "Films I Doubt I'll Ever Watch" (1938 - 1982)

Here's a whole Weird Wednesday's worth of movies I will probably never see, unless one of you readers steers me in a different direction. Actually this first title from 1955 I wouldn't mind seeing, but the title was just so tasty, I had to include it. "Teaserama" is a bunch of short films of vintage strippers like Tempest Storm doing their thing, with Betty Page as the Hostess with The Mostess!

 

 

From 1938, I think I'll gladly skip the Throbbing Drama Of Shackled Youth, known as "Child Bride."

"Escort Girl" from 1941 was a flick about high dollar call girls.

Like "Escort Girl," "Teen Age" was a film by Continental Pictures, the great recycler. "Teen Age" was made in 1943 and used a lot of footage from two earlier 1930's films!

Strippers and comedians in 1954.

The 1956 title "Cannibal Island" sounds promising but is just actually a bunch of footage from a 1931 documentary.

The 1956 film "The Flaming Teen-Age" might be worth giving a look. A small town kid goes to the big city and learns about hard liquor, fast women, and drugs. It was originally a 1946 film called "Twice Convicted," and they added some footage before changing the name to the stupid title "The Flaming Teen-Age.

 

The only reference I can find to a film called "Hoodlum Girls" was a film from 1944 that had an original title of "Youth Aflame." Lots of kids on fire in the 40's and 50's, but I don't think this is the same film, because the title card clearly says 1955.

"Scum Of The Earth" is a dirty little Herschell Gordon Lewis film from 1963.

"Mondo Bizarro" from 1966 was one of many 'Mondo' movies made in the 60's like "Mondo Freudo," "Mondo Hollywood," or "Mondo Cane." Lots and lots of sex and weirdness!!

"Blast-Off Girls" from 1967 is another Herschell Gordon Lewis film. This one's about a sleazy record promoter that might be worth watching.

Out of all these films, this one from 1967 titled "Mondo Mod" might be the best of the bunch and worth seeking out, if nothing else than just to hear how really good the band called Sam the Soul and the Inspirations, and another band called simply The Group really were.

If I ever finish watching the other 137 Gaillo films I have, I might watch "La Novia Ensangrentada," aka "The Blood Spattered Bride" from 1972, but then again, maybe not. Now if it was Splattered instead of Spattered, I might consider it.

Why they changed the name of this 1974 film from "Fugitive Killer" to "Fugitive Women" is anybody's guess, especially since there are no fugitive women in it. What do I care, I'll never watch it anyway!

"Ruby" was a Curtis Harrington directed thing from 1977 that I seriously doubt I'll ever see.

Maybe if I run out of Christmas movies, I'll watch "The Dorm That Dripped Blood" from 1982, because it looks so cheery!

 

These last two films I know for a fact I'll never watch, because as far as I can tell, they don't even exist, at least not under anything close to these titles!

 

It's okay, from the title, this film looks like it's probably a bummer anyway!

NIGHT GALLERY / "The Doll" - 1971

Here's a great episode from NIGHT GALLERY,  It's all about a British Army Colonel who has to go up against his niece's evil doll. It stars John Williams as Colonel Masters, Shani Wailis as Miss Danton, Henry Silva as Pandit Chola and Jewel Blanch as the Colonel's niece, Monica.

Colonel Masters has retired from the British Army and ends his tour in India. His niece Monica has a hideous doll sent from India that she thinks was sent by her uncle.

But, the Colonel; assured them that he did not send it. He's repulsed by the doll and gets another one for Monica, a friendly looking one.

One night, the Colonel and Miss Danton find Monica crying, saying that the doll from India was being mean, and...

It tore the Hell out of the new doll!!

Then they look up to see the evil doll with a creepy smile on its face!

The Colonel is resting in the study when a mysterious figure appears after just walking into the house. His name is Pandit, he's the one that sent the doll, an undying doll that has a mission, kill the Colonel! He accuses the Colonel of being the one who sent an order for his radical brother to be put to death by firing squad. The Colonel tells Pandit that he would do it again, and, if possible, he would have  Pandit put to death too, because of his radical views! We also find out that the Colonel is very familiar with the mystical side of India.

The Colonel decides to put an end to the doll's evilness, but finds it sitting at the top of the stairs!, smiling! Creepy, legs with no feet!

Anyway, the thing attacks the Colonel, who gets a bad wound on his arm.

In the study, the Colonel has Miss Danton bring the damned doll down to him.

The doll ends up in the fireplace.

Miss Danton asks the Colonel if he wants a doctor, but he says that he'll be dead before the doctor arrived, apparently he's been poisoned.

He has one last request for Miss Danton, he has a letter to be mailed ta a friend in India, and it says that it has happened, he'll know what to do...

Pandit is in his room (in India) when a currier brings in a box addressed to him. It's a present from the deceased Colonel Masters.

Curious, Pandit takes a peek at the contents inside...

Pandit is frightened by what he sees in the box.

It's a doll of the Colonel, and the sight fills Pandit with terror!

Time for some ironic revenge, it's your turn now, Pandit. This is a really good episode, the acting is superb, the sets are great,, the dolls are creepy, what more could you want?!

13 MYSTERIES - "Something Ain't Right In North Cactus City" (2017)

 

This week's Saturday Night Special is an independent film made in 2017 titled "13 Mysteries."

 

"13 Mysteries" was written and directed by Julia Noel, and the Executive Producer was Edward Parker Bolman, who has been leaving a lot of informative and interesting comments here lately.

 

 

"13 Mysteries" is a lengthy film running a full hour and forty-six minutes, and there is no way I could try and explain it to you in this format. For that matter, I might not even be able to explain it in person over a bottle of wine, so first off I'll just tell you that one of the stars is a telephone!

The phone is in various locations and is plugged into the ground!

Not quite sure what the make and model of this phone are, but I like the modern design!

 

There's even a phone worshiping cult that lives in a remote cave in Hollywood.

 The mysteries unfold, one by one.

 Edward Parker Bolman is our hero Milton 'The Investigator' Firebrace! While out wandering around in the middle of nowhere, he comes across a phone, and then it starts ringing.

 A voice on other end of the line speaks the olde language, and Milton doesn't understand a word, so he decides it's time to move on the the next mystery.

 

For security reasons, large portions of this story have been redacted!
 

So rather than me trying to explain this film, let me tell you about just some of the people involved in this project!

Percival Baird is the flamboyant Mayor of North Cactus City and is played by a gentleman named Buzzsaw!

Dr. Broccoli is played by Teddy (Necromancy) Quinn. Teddy is also a musician and has a recording studio out in the desert!

 

The talented Maritza (Night Of The Zomghouls) Brikisak is a character named Elemental.

 

Comix artiste Carrie McNinch has the role of Number One.

Steve Moramarco is Mayoral candidate Phillip Daird. Steve was the Associate Producer for the film "Tenacious D In The Pick Of Destiny." 

 

Another very interesting participant in this project was Janet Housden, the former drummer for the 70's & 80's punk band Red Kross. Janet has the role of Hypatia Spitzenberg, one of the residents of North Cactus City.

 

There's not enough room here to name the whole cast, and I apologize if I identified anybody incorrectly. The great thing is that you can make your own evaluation and consideration for what's going on here for nothing, by going HERE, where "13 Mysteries" streams for free!

 

"13 Mysteries" is set in an alternate 1970's, and here's a picture of me in 1970, just in case that explains anything, if not then just beam me back up!

 This is some pretty serious jive, and Milton 'The Investigator' Firebrace just might have gotten in over his head a bit!

It's beautiful how an overexposed black and white picture is still so readily identifiable as a Bougainvillea!